i am sick and tired of the verbal abuse. i cant think, laugh, enjoy life. i know that i have to leave this person. i feel that this person is the devil himself. i want out. i want him to leave. i need to take care of my four children. i have a hs diploma only. i fear this man. this has been going on for years. i have been married for 22 years. no matter what i do is not right. i spend too much money, the house is dirty, the shirts are not ironed, i dont take care of my self, i make him feel like a looser. this list keeps going on and on. i want to be able to breath again. and not be afraid. i feel paralyzed be fear. i feel that i cant go on sometimes. he has ruined everything. i dont have parties anymore cuz he ******* how much money i spend. he ruins birthdays, holidays, etc. he blames me for everything. i just dont care anymore. i really dont. i just want out. i want a divorce. i want to file and have it mailed at the house. what am i afraid of??? why??? i am a loveable person, i like to keep the peace. he is a cold man, we dont sleep together or have intercourse. i am just done. how do i do this. how to leave him. i have to say i dont love this man anymore. he comes home from work and i just feel like i can throw up. i actually hate him what i allowed him to do all these years. i know that god doesnt want me to go thru this. yes, i know it will be hard. i have no idea whats ahead of me but i can say one thing is that i want to be able to breath. this sucks. how the hell did i end up here...why did i allow this bully to beat me up verbally all these years. what makes him so damm perfect. He has a narcissistic personality. i will leave this man, i will.