Verbal Abuse

i am sick and tired of the verbal abuse. i cant think, laugh, enjoy life. i know that i have to leave this person. i feel that this person is the devil himself. i want out. i want him to leave. i need to take care of my four children. i have a hs diploma only. i fear this man. this has been going on for years. i have been married for 22 years. no matter what i do is not right. i spend too much money, the house is dirty, the shirts are not ironed, i dont take care of my self, i make him feel like a looser. this list keeps going on and on. i want to be able to breath again. and not be afraid. i feel paralyzed be fear. i feel that i cant go on sometimes. he has ruined everything. i dont have parties anymore cuz he ******* how much money i spend. he ruins birthdays, holidays, etc. he blames me for everything. i just dont care anymore. i really dont. i just want out. i want a divorce. i want to file and have it mailed at the house. what am i afraid of??? why??? i am a loveable person, i like to keep the peace. he is a cold man, we dont sleep together or have intercourse. i am just done. how do i do this. how to leave him.  i have to say i dont love this man anymore.  he comes home from work and i just feel like i can throw up.  i actually hate him what i allowed him to do all these years.  i know that god doesnt want me to go thru this.  yes, i know it will be hard.  i have no idea whats ahead of me but i can say one thing is that i want to be able to breath.   this sucks.  how the hell did i end up here...why did i allow this bully to beat me up verbally all these years.  what makes him so damm perfect.  He has a narcissistic  personality.   i will leave this man, i will.
ire66 ire66
46-50, F
3 Responses Jun 22, 2012

It's so sad to think that the world is filled with this kind of abuse and hate! I myself am in the same situation as far as being verbally and emotionally abused. It's a hard thing to deal with and even accept. I have only been married for 9 months and already talking about divorce. That is sad to say and extremely embarrassing bc marriage is forever, but sometimes we thought we had the right one for us but we find out otherwise. My husband become very verbally abuse here in the last few months. I have to be told what to do, when to do it, I'm asked where I'm going and why. I'm yelled and screamed at for no reason. He's isolated me from friends and family. I was told I wasn't allowed to get a job. But yet I get yelled at because I don't make the money. I get told I'm going here with him and if I don't then he will go anyways and never once call or text all day to even check in in me and the kids. It has to be his rules and if they aren't followed then he will throw a fit. We aren't allowed to take showers as long as we want we are limited to time spent in the shower. We are not allowed to pick out groceries at the store we want. We have to eat what he buys and he wants. He's told my 11 yr old son that if he wants to go to the dr because he's not feeling good then he has to pay for it!! What kind of man does that? This list goes on and on but I will stop here and hopefully maybe someone can give me some advice on how to respond to things or how to deal with it?? I have a lot more I could say but right now I will end it here.

I felt like I was reading my own story too! It is very comforting to know that I am not alone. Wish I had some advice for you but I am no further along in my situation than you are. I have only lived here for three years and have no real friends here. So glad I found this group, I hope we can support each other often. Hang in there and just know that you are not alone either!

i felt like i was reading my own story i would also refer to mine as the devil..i finally tossed mine out and i thought everything would b better right away but its b prepared if u do finally get out that u may find urself lost and yes missing him...its like opening a bird cage door and the bird doesnt fly out bcuz its never knowm angthing but its having to relearn how to function alone and its harder than i thought it would b...he did a great job of molding me into a helpless dependant broken spirit...good luck to you and dont b too hard on urself..its a long process