How Did I Get Here

I am a 32 year old female who has been verbally abused by my now male friend (boyfriend). I cant believe that this has happened to me. I never saw this coming. He abused me so badly with his words and yelled so loud that our neighbors could hear everything that was said. I recently relocated to live with him in a new state where I dont have any family or friends because we wanted to be together. 3 nights ago he and I got into a huge fight where he screamed out some very hurtful and degrading things to me. That night I learned his true opinion of me. Things that I told him in confidence about my life where thrown in my face, I was accused of sleeping with the neighbors who I never even speak to, the fact that I had an abortion (because he wanted me too), I was told in so many words that I am fat and discuss him, that I am crazy and that I am seeking pitty from everyone since I was injured while serving on active duty, that my injury was my fault and I am faking the pain that I have. Since that fight I am nervous to walk outside because I feel that people are stareing at me, I've been afraid to eat, I cry myself to sleep, l've lost the cofindence I had as a woman who has supported herself since age 17, put myself through college 3 times, held high ranking positions in my career. I gave up everything to be with this man and to be treated like this really hurts. I can't tell anyone about what took place because I have experienced verbal abuse growing up and still do to this day from my family, so I must suffer in silence. My heart hurts because I dont know how I got here. What were the signs that I missed? When did he become this monster?
An Ep User An EP User
3 Responses Jan 11, 2013

OmG i feel your pain, first i want to say im sorry you are experiencing this. I too feel as you do (i think), whenever i try to speak up for myself or state an opinion im told why dont i just shut the F... up. He uses my past and things ive told him in confidence to throw in my face and make me feel less than. Honestly, the man had nothing and I gave him all i did out of pure love and concern and he shows no appreciation. I have four babies you could ages 1,2,5,6 and he hardly pays any of them a bit of attention unless its to get out the way of the television from playing a game. I give him so much love and more and i feel that no matter how mad you are there is a limit to what you say to the one you love. There are things i could say to him but would dare because it could crush him and my love wont allow me to do it. So how can he say he loves me and degrade, humiliate and belittle me the way he does. I also dont know what to do anymore. I have my children coming to me saying "poor mommy" while i cry...this is sick and unfair. Why can't he open his eyes?

I ask this so very often of myself. Ultimately I realize that my husband took advantage of me, in an abusive situation, it doesn't have to be "it takes two" some one is taking advantage of me (and you). It does NOT mean I asked for or accepted it, it means that HE took advantage of a loving heart.

Abusers tend to slowly increase the frequency and strength of the abuse over time. Keep your chin up! You can find a way through this!