I Need To Leave But Im So Scared

every time he is drunk he bullys me and the kids..there 16 and 18...he calls me every name under the sun and really hurts me,,he makes sure our neighbours hear all the shouting..he has this up him self attitude about him, like he is entitled to do it..when he is sober he is a bully and because he doesnt work he insists on cooking the meals and tidying up and tells me to leave it because he will do it better..he of course tells peopshele that he does all the housework because he loves takeing care of his family..and of course he convinces everyone that he does all the mammy work as he puts it..he had a row with my daughter on her 18th birthday telling her to get out of the house..he was drunk and screaming his head off..my son 16 and myself had to stand inbetween them and stop him from punching her. he turned his attentions to me then calling me a scumbag **** *****.. wished us all dead at one point and kicked another hole in the bedroom door again..this is the norm now..my brain cant take anymore..ive no were to go, no money.,.work is hard to come by,..its like im doomed for the rest of my life and ive got to grin and bear it..my poor mother went through the same crap with my dad all her life and died of cancer at age 47..so young..she didnt fight it..he hasnt hit me but does push me around..back in the day when the kids were small he raped me a few times..i feel so isolated even though i live in a city full of people.ive no one to turn to..ive no were to go..sometimes he can be so nice and normal and thats when he is sober..he will drink when he has money and this could be 2 days aweek, 3 days, 4 days in a row ,,it depends on how much money he has..football is his passion and the language he screams and raciest comments are vile and disgusting..my son is listening to this all the time..i want out and im so so alone..im afraid to leave cause ive no were to go..i dont know what to do..please advise me..
homebird43 homebird43
46-50, F
1 Response Apr 30, 2013

thankyou for your kind words and i really mean that..maybe one day i will get the strength to do it..im always planning and plotting to go and i believe one day i will..i hope i get the courage soon..im in ireland and there isnt much help there for mental abuse..there is of course womens aid for battered women and kids but not so much surport for victims of emotional abuse..so ill need to plan carefully and thread ever so gently because if he found out i was planning a move id imagine he would find away to stop me. he does not batter me but i am so so scared of him..walking on egg shells is a horrible feeling..

i will resite a mantra everyday an drill it in to my brain..ive listend to a negative person for 20 years and i need to start listening to me..thanks..

i will look about for books etc..if you know of any let me no ..thankyou..