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When I Was a Kid........

~ It was REALLY bad. I'm an adult now, so it isn't as nasty. I'm still called names, & picked on, but it's mostly myself doing it. =[ I kept every nasty thing ever said to me inside...........Makes for a nasty surprise sometimes. I can be feeling really good about everything, then I see something, or something doesn't turn out the way I want it too, & suddenly the record begins to play & I become abusive to myself....... ~

~ There is good news though........ I'm slowly starting to unplug the player. I'm hoping one day to be able to unplug it, scratch up the recording & never ever have to hear it again........ =] That's my ultimate goal. Wish me luck!? ~

deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Mar 21, 2009

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Dear deleted(hopefully yr user name),
I came from a world of screaming, physical and verbal and emotional abuse and poverty .By God's grace I was rescued by my step dad and taken away to a world i loved but could not relate to.not use to peacefullness ! Cutting or self harm is a huge self abuse issue. I am alot older now and still fighting past deamons !therapy would do you good I think.i will be happy to pray for you...it can get better takes work but it does.

I hope deleted is just a clever username and your accout wasn't deleted. Anyway, Thanks for sharing. Good luck in getting rid of the garbage. I have a few tons of mental garbage to get rid of myself.

Wish you the best and the best of luck~!

Learn to talk back aggressively to those "voices." I know a lot about verbal abuse because if they gave gold medals for it, my mother would have been the gold medal winner. When they speak to you, talk back to them, get angry at them, be sarcastic, ridicule them. And, once you get the hang of it, start to see these awful people as foolish comic figures with a sit-com laugh track in the background when they "speak" to you. Let these voices that put you down and make you feel insecure become the focus of YOUR own put-downs--tell them off frequently. Then laugh at them. Often, this will work. Most of the time, I think of these put-downs from the past as entertainment provided by fools.

Your story sounds like something I could have written, WynHaven. I've been letting it come out a little at a time here on EP, it's been a big help, but it's slow going. <br />
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Good Luck to you!

Blowtorch the shards!

Society tends to minimize verbal abuse and the damage it can do. Good luck to you!

Verbal abuse IS very hard to get over. But you are headed in the right direction and there is no doubt in my mind that soon not only will that pla<x>yer be unplugged but completely smashed right along with those records! You can never keep a good person down.

Looks like you are going from Victom to Light Warrior. Yay! ~~Smiles~~

Best of luck to you!

My father was verbally abusive. Sometimes physically too. You know, it just eats at your self esteem. I'm glad to hear you're finally letting all of that go and slowly moving on. Know that you're a good person, worthy of love, success and friendship. I wish you all the best

There are some of us, unfortunately, that are extremely hard on ourselves for no good reason.<br />
Sounds as though your beginning to realize you really are a great person.<br />
I'd wish you luck but I doubt you'll need it.<br />
Take care!!<br />
:)