I Am a Virgin

No one really knows this and I think that I have waited so long I have built it up in my mind - I want to meet the one to spend my life with but at 38 I dont think it is going to happen anymore. when i get close to a man and he shows any interest in me I tend to pull away - I do not want to have sex just to have sex but I dont think I will ever find the one.
ainfla ainfla
36-40, F
11 Responses May 22, 2007

hi.... maybe i will help to you

just let yourself fall man ;)

A rule of thumb is that the first one you meet is never going to be the one you spend your life with. like it or not theres a learning curve. as your a women its sounds honestly like you just have intimacy issue's. the first guy will never or very rarely be the only guy. same go's for us men to though we all get our heart stomped on at some point.<br />
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Intimacy issue's can make you seem kind of standoffish too, which is probably why they show interest then just leave you alone. There thinking your not interested. Interested women tend to be touchy filly, smile when they look at you ect...<br />
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You have to realize the fact that you have to go out and find love and in the process you have to go through a lot of dirt and mud to find that diamond. I thought the same as you do that i could save my virginity and wait i would always tell the initial women i went out with this. <br />
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they seemed to like it but considering I'm probably one of few men who can keep it in there pants. If there wasn't a spark or some interest by the 3rd date i would just dump them or simply tell them its not working. I didn't date a whole lot really i had about 3 girlfriends/date/relation ships and I'm currently 30.<br />
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The last one i dated when i was 25 i really fell hard for and needless to say we took our relation ship physically all the way. I also had my heart broke by that same girl. best 6 months of my life though, felt like 2 years.<br />
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I guess the simple answer really would be go on dates at least see if theres any interest and progress as far as your comfortable with, men wont wait forever for you and life is no fairy tale no matter how much we want it to be. Hes not going to come running back to your if you crap all over his heart.

also you could say something when starting a relation ship, even if its some what a lie. Like - I have had my heart broke and i dont want to move to fast so luts slow things down and see how we really fill about one another.

as the worlds oldest living male virgin at 58 be proud of being a virgin ,male or female ,we lead and the sheep fallow,but i do have to say ,i think the fear of sex starts from the age of 25,at the age of 43 i found what i had was not fear but terror of sex when a German woman told me she would like to sleep with me ,while on holiday in Spain,it took me to the age of 47 to know what is wrong,so from then i was able to deal with it,but i still have to wait for the one and only,and no she does not need to be a virgin,but I do,if I never meet her,then so be it,i have never been kissed on the lips ,never been on a date,which I would like to do,but talking only no sex,i have done six TV shows ,due to being ,what i am,so i do have a lot of confidence,and very proud of what i am,as all virgins should be.

now a 61 year old male virgin and still proud.

now 62 still proud

This is great. Well, not the tone of the content, but the fact that the content exists, and that I'm reading it. I'm 23 and in this boat. Every sentence that has followed that opener has been deleted thus far, I don't think I have anything valid to contribute. Well, that and I sound like an idiot when I try and write about it. :)

Guys can have sex with multiple women and they are considered studs, if women do it they are a ****... a double standard that shouldn't exist, why should it matter? It's a biological need, a basal one required for all organisms, thinking feeling and loving is a rarer sort that we're pretty good at as humans. <br />
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The evolved mind doesn't consider you a ****, they would consider you experienced, and appreciate it. <br />
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And love does not equal sex, if that were the case a lot of older folk wouldn't still be together. Did you know for a lot the act becomes too painful to do when they get older? all thats left are the bonds of love. Enjoy it while you can, when you get old it will be harder to pee and have sex. :) And who knows, maybe along the way the random guy might form into a lover.

Maybe that's a factor- I dont WANT to just get drunk and naked with a random guy- If that is what I wanted I could have that any day of the week... I want to have sex with a partner not become a **** LOL

why are there no support groups for ppl that are virgins? I mean 30's 40's where does it end? From my perspective, and I'm a clueless guy in the same boat, but the vibe I'm getting is fear of intimacy. I don't have that, but you guys do. I'd help if I could, but I'm too busy trying to figure out how I got to where I got as a virgin. :) my problem is, nobody stuck. And I dunno what the heck your supposed to do, there is no on button, why does it have to be so complex? I hope the best for you, maybe try getting really intoxicated and naked with a guy. . . Make it superficial and meaningless, but safe, then maybe the next one will come easier.

I am 40 yrs old and I relate .. I want a relationship, but when it becomes physical I become terrified. I am afraid of the pain, of looking foolish.. so I try to stall him with other things, but eventually it is suppose to occur, when it doesnt I usuall sabbotage the relationship. It would be nice if someone could see through my facade because i am too embarrassed to be honest with them I am currently flirting with an old school mate.. not sure why.. sort of like a dog chasing a car.. what are you going to do when you get it?? Thats me.

I understand. I am 38. I was 30 the first time I kissed a man and I ran, literally ran away. Later after I had time to process it, I felt relief that that was behind me and I think that maybe most of my response was an overreaction to the fear and insecurity that I had built up about it. Still, I'm not looking to "get it over with" concerning my virginity. I still hope I will find someone I care about to share that with.

I feel the same way... whenever someone attempts to get close-- a guy, that is-- I tend to get nervous and push away. I have always thought something is wrong with me. I am 29 years old & don't think I will ever be with anyone. I feel lost much of the time.