Virginity Is Weird

The status of virginity strikes me as odd. It's this label that humans put upon our selves and only has two versions. You either are or you aren't. There's no real gray area and it seems to be a state of mind more than a physical condition. Do people make too much of an issue about virginity? Does it really change the person in a significant way as they switch from one side to the other?
There are divisions we humans use to distinguish ourself from one another that have "real" physical basis. Skin color and race are easily seen and are often used to link us with people of a similar genetic heritage and separate us from those who do not share that same heritage. However, there is a gray area with genes because we can mix them to create something in between. You can't mix a virgin and a non-virgin (is there a better word/term for people who have had sex?) together to make a half virgin. Both participants come away non-virgins (NVs for now) and the offspring is a virgin. Even the biggest and most prolific division we humans recognize, that of sex, can have gray area. There are people born who are of ambiguous or undetermined sex, or display attributes of both. The only gray area I can see for virginity comes from personal definition. That is, how far does one have to go to qualify universally as an NV? One end of the spectrum I think universally terminates at intercourse between penis and vagina. However some might say if you engage in oral sex that you are an NV. And what about women who have only had sex with women? What is the criteria for a purely lesbian NV? Maybe the line is at manual or oral sex for them. That's why I say virginity is more of a state of mind. You have to decide for yourself, based on your on criteria, whether you have transitioned from virgin to NV.
Why is sex such a huge experience that we have a special word for people who have not participated yet? Is it because it has potential to make new humans? Is it because it feels so much better than any other pleasure? Traveling outside your home country can be a fun and pleasurable experience and by no means has everyone done it, but we have no special word for that. Why are sex and virginity so different from other exclusive activities?
Does one become a different person once they've had sex? Is it so life-changing that it deserves special status and a special word? Being a virgin, I can't say for sure myself, but maybe some nice NVs can enlighten me.
As far as I can see, it's just something humans have made up, but I don't know exactly why. I think about these questions when I ask myself, "If I die a virgin, have I missed out on something truly amazing?" From what I can tell, not really. This leads me to have the neutral position that I possess regarding my own virginity. I'd like to have sex, and probably will at some point, but it's not that important to me that I need to change my status as soon as possible.

I feel like I just wrote a short essay. Does anyone else have something to say regarding the things I brought up or answers to the questions that I asked?
Farado Farado
22-25, M
9 Responses Feb 1, 2013

I'm a 27 year old virgin and I have thought about this stuff too. I think that not everyone is the same... we are all different people. No one should be able to tell someone else what they are..

it is weird. virgin here btw. Imagine someone saying hey are you still a virgin? I ignore them shyly. They say...whats her name....:D well HIS name is....the best way for the family to find out. Ooh or for them to walk in on us....dang....ahem sorry. continue your discussion

Im also still a virgin and used to care about it a lot. But not anymore, I used to laugh about virgin guys my age, but that **** aint funny to me anymore. You know what the thing is? I dont give a **** anymore. I do care about how I look but not about getting laid/sex etc anymore, Idgaf. Im too old, have pimples, look ugly and tend to get insecure when I like someone, I dont give a ****. Im awkward and girls look at me in a pityful/condescending/annoyed way, what am I gonna got laid if I suddenly looked better or something? Who ******* cares. Like Im gonna get mad ***** if I suddenly looked more attractive. No. That **** is over for me forever. And Im glad, I really am. Im relieved. Now when I see a beautiful girl walking down the street Im like "hey **** you, I dont give a ****" It doesnt ******* matter.

tldr: Why do people make such a big deal of virginity.


I'm a Casting Director on a new MTV show that is focusing on proud modern day virgins. It's a classy and tasteful docuseries format about people who have committed to living as virgins until marriage. It doesn't mock or make fun of it, but instead shows the lifestyle and why a couple has decided to make that choice.

They have found over 90% of the people for the show already, but I am looking for a couple that is getting married soon that would be open to talking about it. I was wondering if you know anyone who would be interested, who fits that profile. If they are, I would take their information and set up a Skype interviews.

If you know of anyone, I would love to talk to them ASAP. It's a fun process and there is compensation involved.


Seriously!!! U've said it all!! ;) way to go!!!'re a genius. You've said everything that I have wanted to say. Thank you <3

Lol, wow ive just learnt alot of new stuff :) About virginity! My mind is blown ^.^ x

These are just my thoughts and viewpoints, they may not hold true for everyone. I do enjoy blowing the occasional mind, though.

ah thats ok, i respect your view :) like to read peoples opinions too!! but yes congrats my mind is blown, but in a good way :) x

Another gray area between virginity and non-virginity could be ************. It's generally not recognized as proper sex (various groups even try to attach a social stigma to it), but from my point of view it's just non-procreational sex with yourself. A lot of people say that "real" sex is so much better, but being a virgin myself I have nothing to compare it to. As far as I see both end the same way: you ***. Oral sex is another ambiguous one, but it seems to have more prestige, because you do it with a partner.

Yes, ************ could be seen in the middle ground between virginity and non-virginity, but I don't think it is as controversial as oral sex. By which I mean that I think there is more debate around whether oral sex takes your virginity, while almost universally the consensus is that ************ doesn't. While I feel I would exclude ************ from the middle ground or gray area, the fact that you brought it up as a candidate cements my claim that virginity is a state of mind.
Where would you put manual stimulation of a partner's genitals? Between self-************ and oral sex? Thinking about it now, they're all just pleasuring your partner with one body part or another. We just assign different acts to different places on an artificial hierarchy. Admittedly, some of them, such as penis-vagina intercourse are more mutually pleasurable.