I Hate My Life
I never thought it would come to this. A general lack of career opportunities, lack of interest from the opposite sex, my living situation (relatives falling ill and counting on me to help them) have brought me to where I am today: 35, underpaid, and unloved. Never had a girlfriend and am still a virgin (NOT by choice, obviously). I wish I could find fulfillment and happiness from doing other things, but I simply can't. I just don't know what it is that I have to do for people (especially women) to find me even remotely appealing. Alas, I have been cursed: struggled with my weight all my life, premature balding, finding it difficult to hold a conversation for long periods of time (which IS a requirement for anyone to be interested in having a relationship with you ... right?), lack of a male role model in my life since my parents divorced when I was young (I did travel roughly six hours back and forth every other weekend for years to see my father starting when I was 12) ... and, yeah, I'm ugly, or so I've been told. My depression makes it so that I have tremendous difficulty cracking jokes or displaying a sense of humor. I have tried to put myself out there, but I think other people pick up on my social weaknesses, and they can tell how much I am hurting inside even though I try not to reveal it. I just had some girl who I honestly thought really cared about me take advantage of me big time ... I never told her how bad things have been in my life, but she must have somehow picked up on it and completely used me. We used to work together, and she couldn't have been more sweet toward me back then. Since she left, she became a completely different person ... nothing like the person that I thought I knew. I helped her out numerous times, and she never reciprocated. Now she has vanished and hasn't returned my last call/text. I thought our interactions were decent and she actually was my friend, maybe even something more (she hinted at it a little bit as well), but I feel completely abused and as if my trust was violated. Some people make fun of me because I don't adorn my walls or anything else with pictures of women, and actually prefer dogs to them. Even my own uncle ribs me and calls me "gay" because of this. Plain and simple, it's because dogs give unconditional love, and every woman I have come into contact with (some at college being the only exceptions) has been either mean or manipulative. I seek companionship in the worst way, but I am hurting and can't handle any more pain. Sometimes I really don't think life is worth living any more. I really don't think things are going to get better, even if I keep trying. The title of this story says it all. I think the few good women in this world are all taken, and I just have to accept being alone for the rest of my life.