Can't Go Another Year...

I hate resolutions, I really do. I hate when people ask you what your New Year's resolution is, how are you going to "better" yourself for the upcoming year. I know that many other people also scoff at the very notion of a "resolution" as though you have to wait until Jan 1 to start making your life better, as though the months before were merely used for careful planning. However, circumstances are such that I'm forced to bend to the will of my libido and self-esteem and risk becoming a hypocrite. My resolution, nay, my mission, my quest, hell, my very purpose for existing this year is to finally lose my virginity. I've had it, really. I just can't go another year feeling worthless, unworthy, undesirable and generally untouched as I have the other 25 friggin' years of my life. I don't care. I don't care if I don't "care" about the other person or they don't care about me. I don't care if I'm in a committed relationship. I don't care if it's with some drunken ***** at the local club looking to make a "man" out of some poor shlub. ****, at this point I don't really care if I have to pay for it. What does it matter? Any trace of self-respect or pride that I may have hung onto until Dec 31 has vanished like a piece of tissue paper in the wind. How long am I supposed to wait, huh? What if the "right"person never comes along? What, am I just supposed to wear my virginity as a badge of honor until I'm 70 years old? **** that. It's not a badge of honor, it's a scarlet letter, a giant V blazoned across my very being. Will I feel better about losing it to whomever? Probably not. I'm not stupid enough to think that all my problems will be solved if I get to **** somebody. But that's not the point. The point is I want to **** somebody nonetheless. I'm through sugar-coating it.

EnigmaVest EnigmaVest
22-25, M
6 Responses Jan 2, 2010

All I will say about this is that for ONCE on this site, it's nice to FINALLY hear someone reject the whole notion of being proud to be a virgin, as though most of us actually have a choice in the matter. It's refreshing. I thought that coming here to EP and sharing my experiences would allow me to see that other people are as depressed and hard-up (forgive the pun) as me over their virginal status. But no. Everyone blathers on and on about "waiting for the right one" and "wearing their virginity like a badge of honor" and I'm left feeling like it's bad enough I'm a incel, but that now even other virgins don't seem as sad and pathetic as me. I seem to be at the bottom of the barrel. Someone who never chose this status, but can't do anything about it. Either that, or they just delude themselves into thinking that they SHOULD pretend to embrace their virginity to salvage some of their pride in being incapable of having a physical relationship with someone. I know. I used to be like that. Now, I've given up trying to put on this facade and don't care if people know that I'm incel and NOT proud of it. What is there to be proud of? Shy, insecure, unable to interact with the opposite sex, depressed, undesirable, feelings of worthlessness and inferiority? Are ANY of those personality traits that ANY society or culture in all of human history embraces? Nope. It's like saying to a person in a wheelchair, "Oh hey! Look at you, not being able to walk. I'm SO proud of you for bucking the trend and refusing to use your legs like other morons. THEY like to take the easy way out, but you! Look at you! You say to hell with it all and refuse to conform by using your legs!" They're in a WHEELCHAIR morons! They didn't choose that life and they CAN'T use their legs. Such as it is with incel. I'm UNABLE to have sex with someone, so stop trying to make me feel like I should put this pathetic trait on a pedestal. I would walk in an instant if I could, but I can't. My virginity isn't a badge of honor. Like I've said before, it's a giant scarlet letter. A giant V on my chest.

EnigmaVest,<br />
I completely empathize with you because I am in a similar situation. But I'm 32, and I've never had sex! It's so embarrassing to me, and I am so ashamed of myself. By the way, I'm female. It feels like there's so much pressure to have sex, and people say things like "Sex is natural," and it's like people take it for granted that by the time you turn 15, you just start having sex. And for me, I feel shame that I'm not like other people. I get really depressed about it. It's like I'm not human or something, like I don't get to have the experiences that other people do. I feel like a total outsider. And I would be embarrassed to tell a man my secret and would feel bad about myself if I tried to have sex with a man because I would have to assume that he had had sex. I mean, I would feel like a lesser human being. And actually, I do feel like a lesser human being. I feel like there's something wrong with me. Hey, if I could, I'd get together with you myself just so I could get it over with and wouldn't have to feel so bad about myself. Plus, I would be embarrassed in the future, like I said, to admit to a man that I was a virgin if he weren't one.

It would be wrong to dismiss primal urges that is not what I meant. Are these primal urges expessed towards certain people? or are you just horny generally for anyone?

Do I think I'd feel better? Yes and no. I'll feel better for having gotten it over with, but probably not feel better for just doing it with someone I don't really care about. But right now, the first reason is outweighing the second one. And it has nothing to do with others knowing. No one outside of my anonymity here on EP knows about it, and it's never been a problem lying about it. The problem is, I know about it. It DOES make me feel unworthy. I'm sorry if I can't have a strong, willful personality that can just dismiss such primal urges like some lucky people, but I don't. Everyone can say I should be proud, like virginity should be some badge of honor to be worn proudly. I've heard the arguments and they hold no water for me. My "going against the grain" has not been by choice. It's not like I have a bevy of women throwing themselves at me and I've been strong enough and confident enough to resist them. I'm INVOLUNTARILY celibate, and it's not something I'm proud of in the least. If it works for others, fine, more power to them. I'm not them. I'm ME and this hurts more than anything. And yes, I'm sure there is more to life than sex, but can I PLEASE, PLEASE at least get to experience THAT aspect of life before moving on? Is that so much to ask?

Do you really think you will feel better to go out there and sleep with anyone! Sex isn't something that you just tick off a list. Its a very intimate experience, if you go out there and sleep with anyone it won't be a very fulfilling experience for you. At the end of the day know one has to know about virgin status, if it makes you feel better then why not lie. You shouldn't let it make you feel unworthy, after all it is only sex and there is more to life. You should feel proud that you have gone against the grain.

i feel you brother...right now i set my standards for a girl looowww...i just feel like if i have sex with someone i am not married to i am definitely goin to cheat on friends have sex with random girls every other day and i can join their life style but i just dont see meaning to wat they do...and i heard once u have sex u really cant stop....i feel like i want to get married to someone and share something special with them...i dont want my wife to be just any girl....i believe when i have sex with my wife i will always want to have sex so ill always need my wife beside me...that will be like our strength or something....i am still holdn strong at 22 but if i get desperate enough ill get married to any girl and just hope it works out...good luck man