The Big "v"

So, lets just say for starters that id never thought Id actually be in a place where I can admit this. Ive been misleading people for years…. friends, family, and even some boyfriends.

I am 33 years old, and I am…a Virgin!

>insert dramatic music here

I don’t look like what people think the typical virgin is (although I'm not sure what the image is). I’m very attractive, curvy in the right places (and bodacious in the others lol). I get a lot of male attention…and have been ever since I became a DD in Jr. High School.  If you ask any of my girlfriends, they can list a dozen guys who they “think” I’ve hooked with. And if you were to ask any of the dirty dozen (which is the exact number of guy I’ve even kissed) they would tell you “it just didn’t happen”. (Oh wait…it’s up to 17 now

I had a busy spring/summer lol )

I admit, it was the reason some of my relationships didn’t work out, but not all. For the most part I got to see the true measure of my “significant others” before that crucial time came. I think sometimes we give away irretrievable pieces of ourselves to people who almost never prove themselves worthy of receiving them.

So there is a spiritual aspect of this. More than being religious, which really just suggest repetition, I believe in god, an in soul mates. Not just the kind your born with, but the kind your karma brings.

I am Christian…even though I confessed to lying a minute ago…its true lol. I love god, I go regularly go to church. But I also date, have fun, go to parties, and when no one is looking, steal the souls from small children to preserve my ungodly youthful visage. ( ok just kidding about the last part)

I’m normal, for the most part. I hang out, I play Xbox, PS3. I take my Muse with a side of Kings of Leon and wash it down with a swig of Lil Wayne. I watch football games, laugh at Cheaters, shop like a demon, own stock in mac lip-gloss…and I'm a virgin.

There is a spiritual aspect to it undoubtedly. I don’t have a hang up as far as the physical. I'm not worried about pain or all that ridiculous stuff. I think what I'm worried about goes beyond the physical. At some point in my upbringing, I was taught to believe that, what you do to your body, and what you put in your body is important. I don’t drink or smoke, and try to exercise…and I kind of group sex in certain circumstances, in that category. Not a vice, but not necessarily healthy if taken out of its context. If I want to go on a rollercoaster..Ill get on one. My body is not a ride to be experienced and then just as quickly discarded.

I don’t feel the need to test drive another human being. People test drove Toyotas thousands of times. And the stupid pedals are still accelerating.

The whole v thing isn’t about guilt, or shame, or even religion for me. For me it’s about love, and worth.

And I know there are some feminists who would have my head. I’ve heard all the “ self imposed virginity is a tool of male suppression female sexuality”. Ive heard all that crap. You can tell people you’re a lesbian transsexual polar bear and people say nothing. Tell em you’re a virgin…and the scathing looks, the hints at abuse and sexual repression, the outcries of “are you stupid” all abound.

Its my decision, and I’m happy with it and about it. I want the man that I marry (and yes I'm waiting for love and marriage), to know that I loved him and trust him enough to be the first one to be inside my body.

Of course I’ve heard all the responses. “What if the sex is bad, what if he's not well equipped…what if…”

Well you know what…there are no guarantees in life. I'm a virgin…not an idiot! And not shy or repressed by any means. If there’s a problem to be worked out….we will work it out together ( or with help from the local toy store J)


I'm not judging, I'm just postin!

Belladawn Belladawn
31-35, F
4 Responses Feb 16, 2010

I admire your strength and your conviction.

reading your story, I just remembered a really funny line from King of the Hill (which normally ISN'T funny) or some cartoon spin off of it.<br />
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It's in relation to the "you have to be careful what you put into your body" comment you made. Anyway, a dad was trying to convince his daughter to remain a virgin because guys like that more and he says... "sweetie, what would you rather have? A can of pop or a can of pop after 8 penises have dipped into it?"<br />
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I remember laughing my head off.

You were right about the ignorant reactions you get from people when they hear you're a virgin. It seems that every other kind of sexual lifestyle is acceptable except virginity. Frankly, I think that a lot of people are threatened by virgins and that's why they're against us. <br />
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As for the feminists, they can't tell me anything. Virgins were feminists before feminism was cool.

as a 57 year old male virgin Ito have heard it all ,that I was gay and you do not know what I was missing, and a long list of other reasons why I was a virgin,as a virgin we have standards and morals which is more than can be said ,for those that are not virgins so from the worlds oldest male virgin be proud.