I'd Like to Stopp It
I don't exactly why, but it seems that I often pretend to be a wallflower but my life is not really wallflower like.
Sometimes I wished my life would be more normal. Just like the everyday life of all the others just boring and nothing special. But it seems I can not stopp my boyfriend's depressed feelings. So my life will not get more at the moment.
Maybe I should find new activities, but I never was good in finding activities. The only activity I like to do always is talking, but as I am not following any interests than just having people around and talk it does not seem to work. Because it is probably not interesting what I am talking about, because I do not share any hobbies.
Hobbies always stress me, besides my 100% job I can not start hobbies. I want to have time for my self in the evening, I want to be spontaneous and flexible. I don't like fix dates which come up every week. So I nearly never start with something, I always think I could be stressed. When I do start, I quite after some months because I have to much to do. I do not know how this works, keeping hobbies.
I try keeping friends, but all my friends have their fix dates. They have only few time and they not spontaneous as I. I really would like to now more sponatenous people which have not fully organized their weeks, but I don't know where they live.... they must be somewhere...
How can I stay spontaneous, but stopp doing nothing?