I Am A Wolf Therian..???Hey everyone. Let me start of by saying, that no, I do NOT think I am a werewolf. Nor do I think they exist. I can NOT shift, NOR do I think it is possible.I see a lot of people claiming on here that they can p-shift. Well I have yet to see any of them PROVE OTHERWISE without them just "Whining" saying, "I DO NOT NEED TO PROVE IT TO YOU!" and yadda yadda. Yeah, all talk and no show, so to speak. I see these kids as attention seekers, and most of them role-pla
Anyway, I can only go into the mindset of a wolf. I can bark, howl, growl, etc. as well, but I LOOK HUMAN and AM HUMAN as this happens. Like I said, I do not think I am a wolf or werewolf. I just "feel wolf" and act wolf at times. Please understand, this by no means indicates I am a werewolf. Some call this mind-shifting. I just call it my wolf side coming out. That makes more sense to me than "mental shift." But anyways, onto my story:
It goes back to maybe the past several years of my life.
I am not your typical therianthrope. I did not "feel wolf" my whole life. I only recently awakened as one 2 years ago in September (yep it is coming up fast :D).
I often had wolfish traits. I would growl at random things for no reason. Or sometimes I would growl at "things I could not see" (I guess the wolf side of me COULD see something there?). I always loved animals, and esp. wolves: white ones to be exact. Sure, I had many other fascinations for various animals: real and mythological throughout my life. But the wolf/canine/dog was a recurring one that transcends time.
I remember role-playing as a child with my older sister in the snow. I ALWAYS role-played as this PURE-WHITE wolf, with fur as white as the snow. My name would be, well ya guessed it... SNOW. Little did I know at the time just what significance it really had...
I grew up an oddball. I was always one connected with nature, and I LOVED being outdoors as a child. I was the child you would find running in the fields, catching bugs, or finding the lastest species of animal to discover in my backyard, versus playing dolls and dress up like most girls were at my age. I was highly rejected by my classmates, and made fun of for my aloofness.
I grew up thinking I was human, just "different." Then, as I got older and into puberty, new powers and things also emerged. I found out around that time I was highly telepathic and empathic (this is all due to my inner wolf spirit, BTW), and had proven numerous times the capabilities of my abilities. I focused on fine-tuning my abilities over the course of the following years. I also had a growing interest in WOLVES and the idea of werewolves and shape-shifting into a wolf. The idea fascinated me! I kept reading more books on werewolves and werewolf lore, and even tried "shifting" a few times, in hopes I could become a wolf and roam the night!
Of course I know now it is impossible, but it was still a dream nonetheless in my crazy youth.
I also learned to howl around this time. I had a natural gift for it. Never knew, then, what significance it had. It just fascinated me.
I got older, and for awhile the "wolf-phase" faded. I went on to high school, college, and eventually graduated. I went through a horrid mentally and verbally abusive relationship with my ex-fiancee. I graduated from college in Jan. 2007 (I missed the ceremony due to other health dilemmas at the time, as well) and eventually left him in Oct. 2007. We were together for 3 years, and that last year was a living hell: between going through the panic attacks which surfaced in Oct. 2006, then going through the emotional trauma from his abuse.... I could not handle it all. I just broke down, and became a mental wreck.
I was in an apartment with him at the time, but I had gathered my belongings, gave him back the engagement ring he had gotten for me, and left. It was 2 years after this that my wolf side emerged. I started getting heavily involved in website chat software, especially the more interactive 3D chat clients like IMVU and Second Life. It was around this time, too, I started going back to my more wolfish interests. I started at first by role-playing on IMVU as a werewolf. But as I continued these exploits, I noticed how natural it felt. How good it felt to me... and eventually a wolf personality started to emerge itself.
I started growling at random things. I would head to work, and a red light would just get me growling in frustration. Or I would randomly start howling or barking at dogs as I drove down the road. It was something instinctual that I could not control, but it felt GOOD, and it felt right.
For years I felt lost, confused, and I knew I was more than just your average human. I felt empty inside. I kept thinking maybe I was just lonely, but why was I lonely? It was not because I wanted a mate, but part of me just felt like I was not completely myself. Once Snow finally emerged in Sept. 2009 completely and showed herself to me by taking control of me while working, all of it fell into place. Let me explain exactly what happened up to this point:
I was talking to a friend, and explained to them what I was going through and my rather wolfish traits that were starting to emerge more and more. They were the first ones that suggested I might be a therian/werewolf. I did not believe them at first, but they said "just ask for your wolf side to show itself, and see." And I did JUST that. I asked it one day to "just show itself to me," and it did not do it right when I asked, but maybe oh..... 1-3 days later tops.
I was at work, and a bit hungry. It was not quite time for my meal break, and I was in the back behind the Geek Squad precinct where I worked, and I was shipping PC's out to the repair center when all of a sudden I had a COMPLETE mental shift to a wolf. I licked my fangs, anticipating the hunt of a meal. I saw a shadow around the corner, and licked my lips in anticipation. The idea of a hunt and a fresh kill excited me, and I felt completely like a wolf. I steathfully started to creep towards it, when I CAUGHT MYSELF. I was shocked at what was happening, and FOUGHT IT OFF. I had to fight my inner wolf for control, and I ended up BOUNDING up the stairs that led to the rafters up above, scared at what almost happened. "That shadow what my coworker!" I thought.... and I was shocked at my complete mental transformation to a wolf. I then began to remember, as I continued to fight it off as I stood/crouched up there, of when I had asked the wolf to show itself. I was completely astounded! Here was my proof, and it just all felt natural, and real, and everything fell into place for me since then. :)
As time went on, I tried to get more in-tune with my wolfish personality. However, living in an all-human environment, and surrounded by homes where I cannot just go out and run free, has been rather difficult. My wolf side has made me just at times want to burst outside running, but at the same time I CAN'T without probably being taken hostage and sent to an insane asylumn by one of my neighbors or by my own parents.... As of right now, I am still living at home with them due to our rather corrupt economy as I struggle just to earn a living. Earning 30k a year these days does not really get you anywhere anymore....
I have also have had recurring memories of my past life as a wolf, that started in 2009 shortly after (or before?) the time Snow first showed herself to me. I also had a wolf spirit guide that seemed to help guide me through my memories.... she was an all black wolf, who later turned out to be Snow's mother in her past life. I learned much about my past life as Snow, the first pack she was born into, then finally when she left her rather disheaveled pack (which had a new female alpha after her mother was overthrown, who became the pack's Omega and was highly abused, and Snow, though a beta, was forced to watch her own mother be beathen and abused when the pack was frustrated or angry from a failed hunt, or just to amuse themselves). She left one day when she thought of overthrowing the female who had overthrown her mother, but it was her mother who pushed her to move on and "form her own and better pack," and Snow left to find a mate of her own. Her initial pack was from southern Canada, right along the Washington State border, and she migrated South into WA where she eventually met her mate. They lived in the mountain ranges near a valley in WA, and she even had her first litter of pups. However, to Snow's demise, her hopes of starting her own pack with her mate would soon end...
She was killed one day when hunting I believe it was Elk... and she chased one down leading the hunt while her mate watched and waited to come help her bring it down. She was faster and quicker than he was, so she was better apt for catching the kill, then her mate would soon follow to help her, and with his brute strength they could bring down a large prey swiftly, even though it was just two of them. Well, as Snow chased close behind her prey, nipping at its legs.... two poachers were also watching her... and SHOT at her. For two years, I thought she had died right then and there. It was not until recently I had more HORRID VIVID memories of what happened AFTER that.
Her mate had come into the valley upon seeing her shot, and seeing the humans. Angry, he ran in, just to be shot and caught himself. Snow was unconscious for awhile, but awoke to feel the PAIN as they took her to a tent / shed / house of some sort, made of an oak wood, as they CUT OFF HER HIDE while she yelped in pain, whimpering and crying, as I had to watch in my mind as the very flesh was torn and cut off of her. I could see the rippling muscles and blood underneath. It made me feel SICK inside when I had the images flash into my memory. I tried to brush them off, but couldn't. The memories stuck inside of me, as I was forced to watch from a first-person view from within Snow what they did to her / me....
I never liked guns. I never knew why. I never liked the idea of hunting with guns, or anything, for fun's purpose. If I had to kill, it would be only for survival or food, and I would rather use my claws and fangs, or a knife or some other natural, sharp weapon if I cannot use the former.
And it has been hard being in a world where people see me as a freak. I love being human, but having to hide my inner wolf certainly has not been easy, and it has been VERY lonesome. I feel alone, stuck around a family of hunters who themselves would rather KILL EVERY WOLF on the planet, and also not accepted by most of society who would see me as insane and frown when I tell them about my wolf half. I often curl up in my bed, whimpering, feeling alone and just wanting to feel like I belong. Why.... why me? Why can't I just be happy? Why must I feel SO DAMN ALONE? :I
SnowCrystal 26-30, F 6 Responses 1 Aug 31, 2011