I Am a Werewolf
As my name implies, I ain't a troll. Nor is this my real account. I just created this account because I don't want suffer the backlash of an entire group plugging up my real inbox with angry emails. Seems trollish, I know but I don't mean it to be.
I do want to throw in a disclaimer here though. I'm not saying I'm smarter than any of you. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty ******* smart, but I wouldn't bet a lock of hair on every single one of you being dumber than I am. There's certainly enough room for a certain margin of people to outclass me and possibly make me eat my own words.
Alls I want to say is... Will you people listen to yourselves? Werewolves? This isn't possible. If it was, there would be some level of scientific proof. Instead - as far as the science department is concerned - we have a little something called Clinical Lycanthropy. A disorder in which a person believes they will turn into an animal of some sort, have turned into an animal of some sort, or consistently turn into an animal of some sort. That's what you guys have. And before today, I never would have believed it to be such a common ailment. But I'm sure that not all of you have this. Some have overactive imaginations. Some just want to fit in. Others are probably just ******* with all of you.
But after reading some of your stories and talking with some of you personally, I've discovered that you guys even have an entire mythology regarding this. You're born a werewolf, you can't become one. You don't turn into a monster, just a wolf. A regular-looking wolf or some such.
If it is real, let's point out some nagging holes in this mythos.
1. Where did it come from? Who was the first werewolf, and how was it passed on. Why does it originate from Europe, like I've been told? You guys say you can't be bitten to become one, so how is it determined? Is it genetic? If so, is it dominant or recessive? I heard that alphas are often endowed the leadership position through their blood lineage. If the werewolf gene is as dominant as this little factoid would lead me to believe then why are there so few werewolves in the world? It would be just as common as blue eyes, I'd imagine. And while we're on the topic of heredity, why are you guys taking something that's purely fantasy and giving it a scientific lemon twist? Is it to make a more convenient excuse for the hows or whys? Or is there something I'm missing? Or is this not really fantasy. (By the way, when I say "fantasy," I mean spiritual and otherworldly - not necessarily fictional. It's just more convenient to call it fantasy. In relation to the fact that it's easier to say God is closer to fantasy than science. Even though I'm a Christian, that's still what I'd refer to God as).
2. Clothing. This is something that really isn't touched on much in the stories written by "real" werewolves. Where do your clothes go? I seldom see wolves wear any clothing. Do you remove your clothes before the transformation? If so, do you just walk around naked until you do morph? Seems kind of awkward. Does it just get torn off? If that's the case, how do you people afford clothes? And don't get me started on the shoe part. Shoes are freaking expensive. Does the alpha male just cover those expenses for you? And what if you're caught naked in public? Do you want to explain the mechanisms behind "suit in a can" for me?
3. Primitive. Humans are smarter than wolves. I think we can all agree. So why do you people ostensibly follow the social structure of animals? Seems like kind of a step in the wrong direction, know what I mean? Having alphas that are superior to your Betas or whatever they're called... Omegas, Deltas, Gammas, Epsilons, this, that and the other. Seems awfully contradictory to apply human terms to verbally organize the hierarchy of a freaking wolf pack. Or maybe I'm missing the point.
4. Why isn't there ANY evidence to speak of proving the existence of werewolves? Not a single blurry photo. Nothing. And if you say something like, "Because we're very good at keeping this stuff secret," then may I ask why you have a God-forsaken experience project page proclaiming your lycanthropy? Doesn't seem that subtle. Thank God George Orwell was a bit off, or else you guys would be screwed. Oh, and why is this kept secret? Seems like you would have been accepted into society eventually. Even IF there's a good reason behind the secrecy, you're not going to tell me that there has never been a few rogue werewolves. Ones that wanted attention and just started walking around in public turning into a wolf and such... That was two subjects in one, but I prefer to keep this as a list of 10. 11 is such an awkward number.
5. Why wolves? My immediate answer would be that you guys are the most familiar with this creature, so it was easiest to create some lore about it. Anyway, there are plenty of other pack animals with less of a diverse genetic make-up. I've never heard of a snow lion. Leaves less room for confusion if there's only one subspecies of animal you can turn into. Degus are highly social pack animals without any variants to speak of. Do weredegus exist too?
6. How would doctors explain it? I'm sure Werewolves need regular medical check-ups too. I don't think eating grass could help you out much with Lupus. Don't tell me you are ever considered 100% physically human if you possess the ability to turn into an animal. Don't feed me that. Doctors can measure bone density with the push of the button, they can detect demi-wolves if they see them.
7. What do you guys do? You heard me. What the hell do you guys partake in whenever you're wolfing around? Just running all over the dense forests of Detroit? No. On that note, what if there are no woods around where a werewolf exists? Don't take the term asphalt jungle that literally.
8. Procreation. I don't mean to go to the gutter, but how do you reproduce? As humans or dogs? If you do it as dogs, what happens if one of you gets pregnant. Does your ***** stay human at all times? I've never heard of a woman giving birth to a puppy dog before. If the embryo just turns back into human form, doesn't that contradict the whole "most transform when they're 17" claptrap? I guess fetuses don't count.
9. What if one of you dies in wolf form? Do you just change back into a naked human? If so, what do you guys do with the body. Most people don't die naked in the middle of the woods without some notoriety upon the discovery. Do you just seal it up in a garbage bag and pass it off as if a serial killer did it? Is that what happened to John Wayne Gacy? He did proclaim his innocence til the bitter end.
10. Humans live longer than wolves... Right? Does your wolf form just age along with you, or do run the risk of dying every time you transform about 15 years after the first metamorphosis? Plus, humans suck when they get old. They can't run or jump. Wolves slow down with age, but I'm pretty sure they remain active until their final days. Do you just lay around and ***** about teenagers in wolf form too as you get along in years?
That's about all I have the patience to whip up right now. Believe me, there are more contradictions. But I am getting bored with this little questionnaire.
I do want to throw in a disclaimer here though. I'm not saying I'm smarter than any of you. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty ******* smart, but I wouldn't bet a lock of hair on every single one of you being dumber than I am. There's certainly enough room for a certain margin of people to outclass me and possibly make me eat my own words.
Alls I want to say is... Will you people listen to yourselves? Werewolves? This isn't possible. If it was, there would be some level of scientific proof. Instead - as far as the science department is concerned - we have a little something called Clinical Lycanthropy. A disorder in which a person believes they will turn into an animal of some sort, have turned into an animal of some sort, or consistently turn into an animal of some sort. That's what you guys have. And before today, I never would have believed it to be such a common ailment. But I'm sure that not all of you have this. Some have overactive imaginations. Some just want to fit in. Others are probably just ******* with all of you.
But after reading some of your stories and talking with some of you personally, I've discovered that you guys even have an entire mythology regarding this. You're born a werewolf, you can't become one. You don't turn into a monster, just a wolf. A regular-looking wolf or some such.
If it is real, let's point out some nagging holes in this mythos.
1. Where did it come from? Who was the first werewolf, and how was it passed on. Why does it originate from Europe, like I've been told? You guys say you can't be bitten to become one, so how is it determined? Is it genetic? If so, is it dominant or recessive? I heard that alphas are often endowed the leadership position through their blood lineage. If the werewolf gene is as dominant as this little factoid would lead me to believe then why are there so few werewolves in the world? It would be just as common as blue eyes, I'd imagine. And while we're on the topic of heredity, why are you guys taking something that's purely fantasy and giving it a scientific lemon twist? Is it to make a more convenient excuse for the hows or whys? Or is there something I'm missing? Or is this not really fantasy. (By the way, when I say "fantasy," I mean spiritual and otherworldly - not necessarily fictional. It's just more convenient to call it fantasy. In relation to the fact that it's easier to say God is closer to fantasy than science. Even though I'm a Christian, that's still what I'd refer to God as).
2. Clothing. This is something that really isn't touched on much in the stories written by "real" werewolves. Where do your clothes go? I seldom see wolves wear any clothing. Do you remove your clothes before the transformation? If so, do you just walk around naked until you do morph? Seems kind of awkward. Does it just get torn off? If that's the case, how do you people afford clothes? And don't get me started on the shoe part. Shoes are freaking expensive. Does the alpha male just cover those expenses for you? And what if you're caught naked in public? Do you want to explain the mechanisms behind "suit in a can" for me?
3. Primitive. Humans are smarter than wolves. I think we can all agree. So why do you people ostensibly follow the social structure of animals? Seems like kind of a step in the wrong direction, know what I mean? Having alphas that are superior to your Betas or whatever they're called... Omegas, Deltas, Gammas, Epsilons, this, that and the other. Seems awfully contradictory to apply human terms to verbally organize the hierarchy of a freaking wolf pack. Or maybe I'm missing the point.
4. Why isn't there ANY evidence to speak of proving the existence of werewolves? Not a single blurry photo. Nothing. And if you say something like, "Because we're very good at keeping this stuff secret," then may I ask why you have a God-forsaken experience project page proclaiming your lycanthropy? Doesn't seem that subtle. Thank God George Orwell was a bit off, or else you guys would be screwed. Oh, and why is this kept secret? Seems like you would have been accepted into society eventually. Even IF there's a good reason behind the secrecy, you're not going to tell me that there has never been a few rogue werewolves. Ones that wanted attention and just started walking around in public turning into a wolf and such... That was two subjects in one, but I prefer to keep this as a list of 10. 11 is such an awkward number.
5. Why wolves? My immediate answer would be that you guys are the most familiar with this creature, so it was easiest to create some lore about it. Anyway, there are plenty of other pack animals with less of a diverse genetic make-up. I've never heard of a snow lion. Leaves less room for confusion if there's only one subspecies of animal you can turn into. Degus are highly social pack animals without any variants to speak of. Do weredegus exist too?
6. How would doctors explain it? I'm sure Werewolves need regular medical check-ups too. I don't think eating grass could help you out much with Lupus. Don't tell me you are ever considered 100% physically human if you possess the ability to turn into an animal. Don't feed me that. Doctors can measure bone density with the push of the button, they can detect demi-wolves if they see them.
7. What do you guys do? You heard me. What the hell do you guys partake in whenever you're wolfing around? Just running all over the dense forests of Detroit? No. On that note, what if there are no woods around where a werewolf exists? Don't take the term asphalt jungle that literally.
8. Procreation. I don't mean to go to the gutter, but how do you reproduce? As humans or dogs? If you do it as dogs, what happens if one of you gets pregnant. Does your ***** stay human at all times? I've never heard of a woman giving birth to a puppy dog before. If the embryo just turns back into human form, doesn't that contradict the whole "most transform when they're 17" claptrap? I guess fetuses don't count.
9. What if one of you dies in wolf form? Do you just change back into a naked human? If so, what do you guys do with the body. Most people don't die naked in the middle of the woods without some notoriety upon the discovery. Do you just seal it up in a garbage bag and pass it off as if a serial killer did it? Is that what happened to John Wayne Gacy? He did proclaim his innocence til the bitter end.
10. Humans live longer than wolves... Right? Does your wolf form just age along with you, or do run the risk of dying every time you transform about 15 years after the first metamorphosis? Plus, humans suck when they get old. They can't run or jump. Wolves slow down with age, but I'm pretty sure they remain active until their final days. Do you just lay around and ***** about teenagers in wolf form too as you get along in years?
That's about all I have the patience to whip up right now. Believe me, there are more contradictions. But I am getting bored with this little questionnaire.
By:
IAmNotATroll296
Age:
18-21
,
Male
