My Beloved Is Gone

When I was 31 years old I was a very lost soul  I was dealing with an anxiety disorder that was ruing my life   I met a man at work who was 25 years my senior and in a very unhappy marriage  We became friends but because of my strong moral values I told him that we could not have a romantic relationship as long as he was married  Would you believe that he actually left his wife some monthes later and began courting me  We were together for 25 years   The last five years were hard when he became ill and I had to put him in a nursing home  But I never gave up on him never went looking for someone younger  He was my soulmate  I grew up with him  I experienced many firsts with him  He treated me like a queen and never lost patience with me though he was much more mature   I lost him nine monthes ago  I was with him when he passed   I miss more than I can ever express   I just want to go to that nursing home and see him again  I want to hold his hand to feed him to talk with him  I am so alone and in such pain  I dont know how to go on without him  I wonder if this pain will ever stop  Again I am a lost soul

Divadee Divadee
56-60, F
2 Responses Feb 21, 2010

i was also what u would call a "lost soul" and charles had just gotten divorced, so again very similar circumstances.

i am so sorry for ur loss. i can relate. i met charles when i was 30, he was 56. we have been together for almost 14 years and he is my soulmate. i often cry and say "why does my soulmate have to be 25 years older than me? it isnt fair!" i am now 44 and he is 70 and still a very young 70 (think sean connery). we have a good sex life and are total soulmates. but i know that we arent going to "grow old together" because he already is 70 and i am 44. i would not want to be with anyone else, but i do think of this. it makes me very sad and depressed. i know he will most likely die before i do and i will be alone like u are. it isnt easy.