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Husband Died Suddenly

My Husband died suddenly on 9/16/2009 We were married 19 years. I have a 16 year old son with Asbergers. I feel so alone and cry a lot. My family thinks I should be over this by now. I dont have many friends that I can lean on. Death is so final. My husband and I spent our time together so now he is gone I feel so isolated. and alone
 
debfar debfar 51-55, F 12 Responses Feb 22, 2011

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I lost my 35 year old husband last month. We were in a relationship for 11 years before that and married for only 3. We have a 2 year old son. My husband was a loving husband and a wonderful father. He was the love of my life. We had to struggle a lot to get married due to our cultures but when we finally overcame them and got married we were so happy. I cant believe i lost him. The pain is unbearable and i miss him every minute. He was my best friend as well. How does someone bear this pain?

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My husband died in a terrible car accident on 1/19/2012.. I was 32 weeks pregnant for our last little girl.. He never missed anything and I am so lost.. We were togeather 9 years married 6. I am 29 he was 37.. Our kids who are now 14,10,5,4,8 months.. His 14 year old I am raising as he didnt want to go back to his moms.. I wish I could talk to him again!!

My husband has been gone for three years. What would be our 17th anniversary is coming up on July 3. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you should be over it. You will never get over it. You built a life with him and suddenly that part of your life is ripped away from you. It takes time to get your life into some semblance of order. I didn't have time to grieve properly. Not only did I lose him, along with that his income, no life insurance and I have fought for three years to keep OUR house from foreclosure. It has been a very long road to face alone but I have to stop and think, "What would Russ do?" and then I do it. I still cry when I hear a song he liked, or come across his favorite tshirt. And no I have not got rid of his clothing; I can't. I am not ready yet. It is packed away in a closet but it is still here. His coat still hangs in the hallway. I know he is not coming back but it is just comforting for me to see his things. The friends we had have all disappeared; when he died, I guess I did too. And after devoting my life to caring for him, I am now on my own and it is so difficult to meet people. But I am getting there. It takes a while and even though he is not here, I have something no one can take away from me and that is memories of our life together.

Hi, I am new to this site and just read your piece written in 2012 I believe, I sympathise. My passed passed away two months ago after an 11 month battle with cancer. We were married 22 years. If you wish to contact me away from this site, write to the following..michaelt2702085@yahoo.co.uk

I was married 12 years he gave me two wonderful boys he died October 5,2010 3 days before my youngest sons birthday. He had a blood clott went to his lungs. After his death I had to fight his mother and other family members just to get peace because they all turned on me. Today I am at a point in my life I find myself missing him more now than ever. I miss his voice miss his touch I just can't seem to get it out of my head that he is gone. I keep thinking he is just on a long drive. He was a trucker and he got sick while he was on the job and came home with an infection, I took his to the ER he coudnt walk I had to carry him. The dr got all the infection out and the pills he was on had cut the blood flow off to his toes the dr had to remove the big toe. After this the next few days the dr said he was doing great and ready to go home. Then the enxt morning he died of a Blood clot. He basically smothered to death from lack of air.

that is what is happening in my life.my husband died of the infection to the lungs that resulted in lack of oxygen.his family is saying i killed him, and they have all turned against me.the thing is we had a stillbirth in march 2012 and he became sick in january 2013 and died the same month,now they are saying he died because we had sex much more earlier than we should that is why he died,as if they have appointed me to initiate sex in our relationship. it took us 12 weeks to even think or start heving sex after our stillbirth.

it is so painfull that after so much loss with kids to start looking for on my own starting from now.some people cannot think of the pain we are going through, they only think of themselves.i cry everyday,i pray everyday that GOD protect him whereever he is and that He give us the strenghth to carry on with bringing up the kids that we are left with,and the love so that we can love our inlaws uncondiyionally even if they are accusing us with muddering our husbands.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\may our good God forgive them

My husband died 2 weeks ago, I always knew that we may not have a long time together for he had many heart problems...we were together for 3 years...3 days before he died we were at the cardiology Dr. They were pleased that he was actually doing better since we had been together...the last 14 months of his life we spent together in almost constant company....it was like we were given the extra time together...but he had became everything to me....I literary feel like I lost half of myself...the pain is so unbearable...I wish I would just die...and then I would be with him again...but I keep waking up so I have to keep going and find a way to go on without him...I think if it was his heart I could take it better, but I believe the hospital gave him to much of different drugs to stop the spasms he was having for the nurses were upset because he was taking to much of their time. But no Dr. came to his room, he was fine when I left hospital to run home and get my phone, and get us a few things we would need at the hospital. Before I was finished the nurse called wanting to know if I was coming back for really needed to do his profile. They didn't do it first so she could take care of the other patients since it would take some time..when I got back it was like all hell had broken loose and I was only gone 2 hrs total...he calmed down when he seen me and leaned into me and said "Baby you came back", I told him you knew I would, I couldn't be without him...but then he had a spasm and they had gotten much worse than they were when I left. The nurse was talking to the Dr on the phone, she was telling him they needed a sitter for him because someone had to stay with him all the time..The Dr talked to me and asking me if this was how he usually was, told him no and that his face was swollen to but no one would listen to me about it...they now have 3 security guards and 3 nurses holding him down which would only make it worse for him and make him fight them...she takes me out to the nurses station and tells me that my husband is like this because he is coming off some bad drug high...I told her she was out of her mind...we were together all the time so I knew he wasn't, plus since we are not from here we don't even know anyone...they were assuming because he had long hair...If I had even thought for one minute that's what it was I would tell them so they could treat him for it...I wouldn't play with his life like that..but she was saying she seen it before and one patient almost killed her like that and my husband was worse than he was...they were putting leather restraints on him...then the order came for another drug to calm him down...still no Dr...she goes gives him the shot comes back to ask his history...they just finished putting the restraints on him when a nurse runs out and tells the one with me.."we're coding him, it doesn't look good", the nurse jumps up saying "what" the other saying yes its bad, a aid came out and sat with me..1, 2mins at the most go by and they are saying why haven't they announced the code, the aid with me calls and asked whats going on we called a code and it hasn't been announced yet...which meant the stat team didn't know to come..she said ok and hung up...another minute she calls them again and says this is the 3rd time we have called for the code what's going on...hung up and about 15secs later it's finally called and the team is there within a minute...but about 4 minutes went by when they should had been there...they finally come out and tell me that he stopped breathing for a bit they were taking him to ICU but would be on a ventilator I asked how bad was he and she told me really bad...I said it was just like when he was at NKC and the nurse said "I didn't give him to much...I could have given him more for it was ordered." I'm thinking no Dr looked at him...then someone was telling me this is the emergency room Dr she needs to talk to you...and I knew he was gone...she told me he was gone...I was devastated...I was in shock...we were there 10 hrs and all they did was keep giving him drugs to stop his spasms...but it stopped his breathing then his heart...now the nurse who said it was drugs apologized for saying that cause it couldn't had been... the pain was instant and a deep longing to just be with him again...I have been crying almost constant for 2 wks now...it's like there is a big gaping hole where my heart is...and the pain is still just as bad as it was the second I knew he was gone...I miss him so much...we did everything together...together constantly...what am I suppose to do without him?...but I keep waking up to the pain...the longing to be with him...the complete loneliness...and I would do it all over again because the love we had...the life we had together...he was worth all the pain I am having now...when I called the head of nursing later to tell them what funeral home would be coming for him she told me they had already released him to the coroner for if you enter a hospital and die within 24 hrs they determine if it is necessary to do a autopsy, and she says that in my husbands case they thought it was necessary for no one knew why he died...and she said "I know your husband had a lot of health issues but when I heard what had gone on here and read the reports frankly I was appalled by it....But he is still gone...I still miss him so much...I can never hold him or even touch him again...I can never have him hold me when I'm upset...or hear him say to me " I love you babyass" so I could say "I love you my baby" I laid on the couch for 3 days...not his couch...mine...I haven't been to our bed yet...I held him there every night. Then I made the 4 hour trip to where we are from and all our family still live...I took him home...When my time comes I will be cremated and planted on him...and as devastated as I was no one would let me be alone with him for a few minutes...his family just stayed there acting like they cared so much for him...but no one returned his calls...it had been almost 2 yrs since he last seen them at his mothers funeral...I had to demand to get a few mins alone with his body before they closed the casket and him be gone from me for good. I wanted to give him something privet that he would want to have...from me to him...and I didn't want anyone to know what it was...we left to go to the cemetery, but I didn't even get my rightful place just behind him...one of his sisters took that place...at the cemetery I almost couldn't even walk seeing the gave...I now understood why he didn't want to see his mom there...2 of my daughters had to help me to the grave side or I would have fallen...my son was a pallbearer...he loved my husband...thought he was funny and great because he had never seen me happier...he was in town with his job and was over our house when he left was when I took him to the hospital....his sister ran up and asked me if she could do anything to help....I told her she could have let me have my rightful place behind my husband but she took that away from me...the funeral home director even let her...they went to her for decisions about the funeral not me...I told them I would had done some things differently and since it was my husband and I was paying them they should have come to me...when I got back home it made it all to real that he really was gone...I keep asking him why did he have to go...he wasn't suppose to leave me yet, I had it in my mind we would get at least 5yrs, we had 2 yrs to go...I'm turning to tell him things all the time...but he's not there...I keep seeing 3 yrs of wonderful times we had together...him smiling at me...laughing with me...crying with me..getting excited and jumping up and down...calling me babyass...he said he needed to stop that...I said if you do I would think you didn't love me any more...i'm glad he never stopped...I miss him....I miss him so much...I keep wondering how he could be gone....I don't want the pain...but I don't ever want to stop missing him or longing for him either....someday I will learn how to cope with it all, and he will still be loved by me just as much...missed by me just as much...longed for by me just as much...I'll always be talking to him in my mind as if he was still here...I'll always have the pain...people just won't be able to tell except for one way...as long as I am in morning...which will be until I go be with him...I will be wearing all Black....I have already gotten all my other cloths put up...I had a lot of black already...bought more...and dyed some of my cloths black...he would say your my wife till the end of my life...I'm telling him I'm your wife till the end of my life.............<br />
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September the 20th 2011, my brothers 55th birthday, my youngest granddaughters 1st birthday....the day my world came crashing down on me and I lost half of myself.....

Im so sorry for your pain.I also lost my love Sept 12th,2011.It was horrible for me also how his family treated me.I was w/ John for 14 yrs.He was diagnosed w/liver cancer 1 yr ago .Almost to the day of his death.John enjoyed drinking.4 yrs ago he had a kidney stone and they also found cirrosis.He never kept up with it.Last year he bled out on me with a bloody nose and lost 3 quarters of his blood.Thank god i was home at the time to save him.At least for 1more yr.John went on chemo pills and had bad reactions.In April he stopped taking them.
W moved to a new town and a new doctor.In August he got a ruptured bakers cyst and his immune system was to weak for chemo.He became jaundice and w/in 3 weeks he was gone.Yes because of cancer,but also from a damn knee injury..
His family blamed me for everything..I have been w/john since the day we met 14 yrs ago.Had a happy household and a joyful life.They never came to visit ever.Exspecially knowing he had cancer.His sister called me a murderer,and the other sister told my sister that was going to be me in 2yrs..horrible people.
John was 57-im 43.together 14 yrs w/a son.
Im so lost..soo confused..I feel for you because im going through something similour.I cant sleep,eat,shower etc w/out my thoughts of him.Im always talking to him,everywhere i go..waiting for him to answer.I also feel the same about never wanting to stop missing him-wanting to see and be with him..Im so friggin alone..
I feel my time is done.Its all wasted time now.Just waiting to be w/him..
I know i should be saying more enlighted feelings to you,but i feel your pain.Im in the same situation..If youd like to talk im always here for you..Maybe we could help eachother..
Take care..

I am so sorry for your loss, and I know how it is, as I am walking in the same shoes. We were married for 11 years, and he was the best friend and the most kind person I have ever known. Sure, he was not perfect, but he was for me. We are both Christians, so I know where he is, and know that he is alive than ever, but there are times like now, tears just flow down, like they have a mind of their own.

I will be joining a support group called GriefShare, you can find it on the web, www.griefshare.org. I have heard wonderful things from my friends about it, I hope you can find one near you.
It is just like what you said: if you'd like to talk, I am always here for you....Maybe we could help each other.

Love, to my brokenhearted sisters, you are not alone.

Ok sister i totaly feel ur pain as i just lost my husband in 1 month iam still confuse if he died or not even i saw his head cos the body is all gone he did a bad accendent no 1 know what happen exactly even the police cannot found what really happen , and we were in love 4 years , wr fight every1 to get married cos we r from diferent country and culture and also he was a blk man and some stupid people they still have a problem with a colours and the last year we get married, and this year i make my visa and i follow him , i spend the lovely time ever in my life he was a perfect man i never meet some1 like him and i am sure i will never meet , he was my man , my lover , my best friend, my father as i lost my father when i was 1 year old , no1 never love me the way he did , every1 was loving me for something , then i get pregtning its was the happiest time of my life when i know i have a baby from my baby BUT i am not that lucky person i LOST my baby after a few months after we choose the name and we make all plans even to move to a big house , then 2 WEEKS after i lost my man AND I EVEN WASNT with him when he died i traveled to see my mum in the hospital in the other country only 2 DAYS then he died , ALSO he send me a lovely email at 5:15 AND HE DIED AT 5:30 SO i am lost , brock i dont want even to live cos what is the pint from my life anymore and i already lost my life with him , also iam in this county have no family , no friend , no one to talk with , dont speak even the language of this country i think i am really going crasy , i tried to kill my self but in the last time the people help me in the street , i am in the house remember every moment i spend with him and this driving me mad , SOMETIMES I SAID I HOPE I DIDNT LOVE HIM THAT MUCH SO MAYBE ITS CAN BE EASY , I AM REALLY FEELLING BAD , i feel abonden , he just left me in this life , SO WHAT I CAN DO , I DONT KNOW , I DONT WANT EVEN TO MOVE FROM MY PLACE , EVEN TO TAKE A SHOWER , LIKE THE FRIEND JUST SAID WHY US WHAT WE DID WRONG TO DISERVE ALL OF THIS , BUT THEN I START THINKING EVERY THING IS FOR A REASON AND ONLY THE GOD KNOW, I AM GOING TO PRAY FOR ALL OF US SISTER . ALSO IF U LIKE TO TALK I AM HERE WE CAN CHARE OUR PAIN

sumtimes i wonder, u know... why it has to happened 2 me?? to us?? wat we did wrong?? why God take our lover so fast?? why not me??

i dont know if you will believe my story..I just got married last november and after 10 days of honeymoon I left him because I'mworking abroad. We agreed that he will follow me later.Then he already got his visa last month and 2 weeks before his flight,he died. I am very confused, with mixed emotions , my dreams were shattered, I felt so alone..We were bf-gf for more than 4 years and after 6 months of marriage, this happened.

Hy, my name is Maria. U both are lucky coz u can spent so much time with ur husband/wife. I was only had 3 month happiness with my hubby after we married 26 March this year then he left me 24 June in de same year. Then suddenly he got sick n in a 3 days only he's gone, left me alone without any kids. With no message or else. So.. be thankfull, coz ur mor lucky than me. Even until now i stil can't believe it. Sumtimes i can, pray to God 4 apoligize. But sumtimes i blaime Him 4 all this. Coz its not fare at all.<br />
Now i don know wat to do, my life seems stuck in no wer. am like a crazy talking with his last shirt tht i put on our bed. I love him so much.., n i don think time can heal de pain, like all de ppl say.

I am so sorry for your loss I am here if you wish ti talk. God Bless.

Hi, my name is Tim. I read your story and I lost my wife 11-26-2009. Everyone has their time to grieve. I'm still in therapy myself and believe that no one completely gets over it. You learn to eventually except the painful loss and live with the good memories. I still feel so alone. I still cry myself to sleep most nights. It is part of the grieving process.Their is a living part of your husband inside of your son. I have two children and see their mother in both of them. I just wanted to say that I do understand how bad these times feel for you. Anytime you want to talk, I would be happy to. Take care of yourself and your son. You have friends here always.