I am a widonw and Miss my husband,
Nearly 4 months ago my husband of nearly 20 yrs committed suicide - he had been depressed for nearly a year - but only told me 5 months before he killed himself. He had tried to kill himself 3 times before he finally did it on his 4th attempt. I wanted to spend some time apart from my husband, because although i loved him - i wasnt in love with him any more - he couldnt cope with this - and wanted me more than he wanted his 3 beautiful children he has left behind. Our children, i feel blame me for his death - because in their eyes, all i needed to to was to say i wanted to stop married to him, and he would have been here now. I am finding it very hard to cope - i dont like to talk to anyone - even my parents dont know i cry myself to sleep every night - everyone blames me i think - and i am consumed with guilt - all i needed to do was to say i loved him - and he would be here now.
How does life go on, i know i have to carry on for my children - but i miss my husband - and when i tell my eldest daughter this - she just says "you didnt want dad - if you had of left him - this is how it would have been" - but it wouldnt have been like this - i would still have my best friend and my children would still have their dad