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Why

I am a widonw and Miss my husband,

Nearly 4 months ago my husband of nearly 20 yrs committed suicide - he had been depressed for nearly a year - but only told me 5 months before he killed himself. He had tried to kill himself 3 times before he finally did it on his 4th attempt. I wanted to spend some time apart from my husband, because although i loved him - i wasnt in love with him any more - he couldnt cope with this - and wanted me more than he wanted his 3 beautiful children he has left behind. Our children, i feel blame me for his death - because in their eyes, all i needed to to was to say i wanted to stop married to him, and he would have been here now. I am finding it very hard to cope - i dont like to talk to anyone - even my parents dont know i cry myself to sleep every night - everyone blames me i think - and i am consumed with guilt - all i needed to do was to say i loved him - and he would be here now.

 

How does life go on, i know i have to carry on for my children - but i miss my husband - and when i tell my eldest daughter this - she just says "you didnt want dad - if you had of left him - this is how it would have been"  - but it wouldnt have been like this - i would still have my best friend and my children would still have their dad

 

 

kellicomfort kellicomfort 36-40 9 Responses Sep 12, 2008

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you have nothing to do with it i am sorry <br />
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what was goin gon in his mind no one knows and with what you have said we never will

you have nothing to do with it i am sorry <br />
<br />
what was goin gon in his mind no one knows and with what you have said we never will

I guess you're guilty of something, perhaps not recognizing the signs(suicidal attempts and behavior) shown by your hubby. I understand that; just move on and pray for him for eternal peace.<br />
<br />
http://www.cigs4.me/cigarettes/camel-blue.html

i too have been touch by suicide..a close friend committed suicide by stabbing himself in the chest and half a dozen times ..in front of his six yr son ....why ??? is what everyone asks ?? but the truth is died with him .....you can't spent your life looking for why !! you need to work though it ..i think if you join a survivors support group you might heal ..it's been 5 years since my own husband died ..heart attack got him ..but theres not a day that goes by ...when i can't see him in my daughter smile....and even today when i hear her laughter ...it sounds just like him ..He is never gone as long as we hold him in our hearts ...dear friend i will pray for you ...that you find the peace you need

I have lost a husband and a partner. Niether one was suicide but both contributed to their own death in some way by not looking after their health.I found out after his death that my partner had been drinking and smoking behind my back after surviving open heart surgery. The effort I put into trying to keep both alive has cost me dearly healthwise but in the end it was their choise to make the way they ended their lives. Please don't blame yourself for the way your husband chose to end his because if he was so determined nothing you did could have stopped him. Please be kind to yourself you have been through enough....

Suicide is the most selfish act around.....it leaves nothing but hurt and devastation.<br />
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Dont take on the guilt....it belongs to your husband.<br />
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Everyone has free will and he has made his choice.<br />
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You and your children agree to make your OWN choices not take on or shed blame.......love and nurture each other

don't blame youself. if it was going to happen it was going to happen. I also have people blaming me and I am haing to fight for everything. Keep trying to get them to understand. Maybe later when they are older they will.

Dear Why,<br />
I am so sorry to hear of your unfortunate situation. Mine is not nearly so tragic. I don't know that I can offer you anything more than a shoulder to cry on. I have found that others just cannot comprehend the depth of feelings that go into mourning.<br />
I can tell you this, though. You are not to blame. You may not have been in love with your husband, but you did love him. One day your children will understand better why their father did what he did and know that you are not to blame. It's hard. My own 3 kids sometimes don't understand my husband's death. He was an intelligent man who was familiar with the medical profession and when he began to have health problems, no amount of begging or arguing could make him go to the hospital. As a result, he lost a leg to infection, which six months later caused the blood clot that took his life. I blamed myself for a year and a half for not trying harder. I finally came to realize that he knew I wanted him to go and knew I was worried. He chose his end. My husband suffered from bouts of depression as well. There isn't much you can do when someone has decided to die. Short of Psychiatric care, there is nothing. To love someone, even as a friend or a spouse in love isn't always enough. He loved you and your children, I'm sure, but his depression was his downfall. It had nothing to do with a lack of care or devotion. I hope you do well and your children as well. I hope to hear from you soon.<br />
theredlady

Suicides are terrible things to cope with. In addition to all the normal process of grieving there is the additional weight that comes with it. It's only been 4 months, and that can seem like an eternity. But giving yourself and your children time will help. The Amish have a term, "Make haste slowly". That applies here. Allowing yourself time to work through each thing will literally speed all of you on your way to healing.<br />
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I make a humble suggestion, (being one left behind myself), connect with a suicide survivors group. Even in a short limited time they help immensely.<br />
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Peace