Looking For Comfort

In September of last year ( 26 Sept 2008) I lost my hubby.  We had been married 26 years and together for 30+.  Life seems so lonely without him.  In a crowded room you still feel alone.

At night I feel so alone, none of my friends or immediate family can even begin to understand how alone one feels.  My sister and sister in law also lost spouses, but they live in Scotland. I need someone to talk to, even via the net, that knows how I feel and has been through the same life experience.

My hubby was diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma in March 2008.  He had chemo treatments but the cancer took him in September. We had a great life together and managed to travel to many distant places. We lived in Puerto Rico for three years, Alaska for two years, Japan for eleven years.  We also managed to visit China, Bali, Singapore, Guam, Okinawa, Hawaii, Korea, Australia and Scotland during our time together.  We had a good life, just too short, together.

I would love to chat with some others that now live in the same situation as I do.



61-65, F
7 Responses Feb 10, 2009

Yes this is how I felt. I remember thinking that I would welcome an early death. When my husband first died I wished I was in my 80s and in a nursing home. Ofcourse I dont feel like that now. I have to look back over the year and see what Ive achieved. Simple things like getting the car insured and MOT. Lifted the bonnet the other day to have a look! Had the gas fire fixed and brought in sky TV. Initially I felt I was existing now Im beginning to live. Its not easy but our time will come soon enough, so we must not waste what we have. My husband lived by the phrase 'carpe dium' sieze the day and I will try to do that.

yes, custodian, I have been there as well. Sometimes I still feel like that. <br />
I think that way now, though, and I feel as though John wraps his arms around me and hugs me. It doesn't make me feel any better, but I feel like he is trying to tell me he is still with me and watching me.<br />
I know he is waiting for me on the other side. I know that his suffering is over and that makes me happy and I know that he would want me to move forward with my life as though he were still with me. <br />
This has kept me moving. Unfortunately, My children are only a secondary motivation, if that makes sense to anyone. I love them and would do anything for them, but I, at one point wanted nothing more from life but death. It is not good. It is not what John wanted for me.<br />
I live because it is what I must do to see him again.<br />
Besides, he would really be ticked if I joined him now.


this is hard to do when kids are screaming all around you. You end up pushing the wrong buttons. <br />
Well, anyway, to the both of you I extend my sympathy and understanding. I pray for you both in this time. I have found that with time it does get easier. At the same time I have found I carry some regret that I can't seem to shake. It tends to carry the grief along with it.<br />
The regret isn't for anything undone, but for time never to be. <br />
Enjoy your lives, it is what our loved ones expect.

I think the hardest thing about grieving is when people ask you to tell them how it happened. They already know, and yet they think that if you tell them it makes it easier

Yes I know what you are going through. My husband died suddenly. We were in our 30th year of marriage. Its the most awful thing to ever happen. Ive lost a sister and father but nothing was like this. I consider myself a strong person and never realised how much I leant on him. My daughter is lovely and tries hard to be there but its not the same. My son at 22 doesnt talk about it and life carries on for him. Thats it really, life carries on when you just want it to stay still. I did feel like that. Stop the world I want to get off. Slowly it gets better. The smile that is forced on your face comes more readily. I dont dig my nails into my hand quite so often when people ask how I am and I reply 'getting there'. Where is there? Its a long way off! I laughed with tears for the first time last week, so yes I am getting there. Its been just over a year. <br />
Does this help you? I dont think so, but thank you because Im sure it helps me.

hello Scottish, <br />
Although my husband and I never did a lot of traveling, he himself was a well traveled man. He was 12 years my senior,but we fit like gloves together. I lost my John in April 2007. I also have three kids. <br />
Even with them and all my friends and family nearby, I have this overwhelming feeling of being all alone in the world. Nothing can replace the intimacy of our relationship. Its not the same as any other kind, not even my loving relationship of my children. That in itself causes me to feel guilty. Its not easy. Its hard and there is nothing anyone can do to make it easier, but I have found that just sitting here and telling my stories and concerns and reading others stories has helped me a great deal to overcome my lonliness. <br />
I hope you find comfort here too. I wish I could give you the hug you need, but consider it virtual, please.