My Sweet Baby Has Been Gone a Month

The house is so lonely. Because the weather took an unusual warm turn, I spent a day outside, cleaning out the garage, right beside our motorcycles. The season will be starting soon, and I won't have my partner riding beside me.  As I was bringing in the dogs just now it hit me; we both shared a passion for each other, our pets, and the open road. What if I never find anyone that can share these things with me again? We just fell into a natural rhythm with each other right from the start. I'm only 47. I'm scared I'll never find anything like that again.

Yes, I know that it will never be the same, but I've got a history of settling with men that really don't have my interests, much less my best interests at heart. Will I end up doing that again, just so I don't stay so alone?

Sometimes just writing these feelings make me realize that I won't ever make the mistakes that I made in the past. My husband taught me to expect better and the friends that we made together will make sure of it. Sometimes a little self-pity, written so that the world can see it, will shake me out of it. Do I just hit cancel or do I submit this? I will submit it; there are other widows out here that are feeling similar things that I am and maybe they will feel better knowing that they are not alone.

LucySu LucySu
46-50, F
5 Responses Feb 10, 2009

i hope this note ..still finds you happy in life ...

For those of out there that have commented or been moved;<br />
Shortly after I wrote my message about being six weeks into widowhood, I met a man that I am sure Don sent to me. Don did not want me to be alone, of this I am sure, so he hand-picked someone that would be a partner in laughter, riding, and love. No, there will never be another Don, and I continue to miss him daily, but my heart is again singing.

How amazingly wonderful for you! At 6 weeks, I was still paralyzed. A little over 6 months now and i'm still SCREAMING !!!

I joined this to help me and done nothing but cried since. This is not me. I dont want to feel this way. Its been a year since my husband died suddenly here at home. Eversince ive played this part to the outside world that i am coping really well. i go out a lot and laugh. But when your home alone and the night time is the worst and you dont have to pretend. That the hardest part.

im sorry for your loss, i lost my gorgeous hubby of 35 years last week, we worked together, lived and loved together, we have 4 great kids and 11 grandkids one just 2 days old when he went, and another one due next month, im only 51 this isn't supposed to happen<br />
i feel so lost and here i am at 12.30 midnight again wide awake missing him how does one come to terms with this emptiness ?

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry to say that this IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. We vowed til death do us part. Did you think it wouldn't happen? I'm not trying to be mean. I am screaming in pain myself but this IS WHAT HAPPENS, LIFE ENDS. You're lucky you have a wonderful family. I have none.

I agree with livingwell. I have realized that love isn't just for one person. You will never have that "same relationship" as you did with your loved one , but you may find a relationship with the same meaning. <br />
I also sometimes write to see my own hurt and want others to see it because I don't want to be alone in my thoughts and feelings. I have said a few times that I find venting and sharing here of great benefit to me. <br />
I hope you find the same benefit.

I lost my mate of 17 years. It is hard I know. There are things only he and you share that no one else can.<br />
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But, for me my belief is that Love never dies. It is eternal. Our loved ones want us to be happy, again. They would not want us to make martyrs out of our lives to them.<br />
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When you are ready and because of the strength you two shared the right one will appear. You will find the new love just as sweet as the last just different in its dimensions, taste and its begining. You will never forget your loss, he will always have a place in your life, just a different place - thats' all.<br />
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All life is a lesson of Love, give & take, and the emptying and filling of its gifts. All things in time, my dear.<br />
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Thank you for sharing.<br />
Peace Light and Love to You

The power of finished your story answering your own fears and doubts. Your strength of character I'm sure will continue to get you through this chapter of your life. It's good to catch up with how you are doing.

I am so sorry that you have lost your husband; you obviously loved one another deeply.<br />
When the time comes for someone else special to be in your life you will be fine. You have answered your own questions and doubts. <br />
Thank you for sharing - and yes, leave this here so others can learn and gain strength from your strength.