Recently Widowed

Christmas was a GREAT DAY this year!!  We spent time with our four children, four grandchildren and other relatives.  It was Christmas as usual except we did not go out to dinner.  Normally we eat out every year and this year we decided not to do that......can't remember the reason.  Just as well becasue my husband, Carson, was sick.  He laid in bed for about 6 hours with cold symptoms.  He was up for the fun stuff though.  He watched as the grandchildren opened their presents.  He exchanged gifts and even made fun with the video camera.  It was a great day. 

The next day he went to work.  He came home around 10 am saying that he still wasn't feeling good.  I work nights so we laid down to nap.  He got up hours before me, watched a movie with the kids, fixed dinner, ate then woke me up.  I went in the kitchen, was talking to the kids when he came in and said that he still wasn't feeling good.  He had some antibiotics left from 2 months prior and I suggested that he take one that maybe it would help with the cold.  He did and within 10 minutes he had an allergic reaction.  He was gone.

How did we get from enjoying Christmas with the children to dead in less than 24 hours?  What happened?

The grief from the event has captured 80% of my life.  Some how I manage to pull it together to work 36 hours on the weekend but then the whole week when I'm off I'm back to "Where is Carson?"  I sometimes feel like he will walk through the door at any moment.  That he is out doing something and he'll be home soon.  I know that is not true but it hurts so much to say that he will never be back.

I've been told that "Life goes on" and that I should "cope" and try to focus but I can't.  It's way too hard.

widowess widowess
41-45, F
4 Responses Feb 26, 2009

im so sorry for your loss ...but please dont blame yourself as it was his time to go ...hopefully you have started councilling and are getting the help you need ....if you would want to talk ..im here for you ..god bless

do not feel to guilty about what happened .keep your <br />
yr self work get councilling help from a professional af check with theter my husband died i had indivivdual councilling and joined a group with other widows and widowers. it really helped . try the pastoral part of the hospitial.

Loss of ones partner is a horrible experience for those who care, we are all mortal and when our time has come, it is our time. Remember the words below, especially the years of gold.<br />
rayw1<br />
<br />
LET ME SIT DOWN HERE BESIDE YOU<br />
Raymond I Warren<br />
Brisbane<br />
#97 [1993]<br />
<br />
<br />
Let me sit down here beside you, wish I could hold your hand,<br />
And look into your eyes dear, I know you understand. <br />
The years have taken toll but the years we had were gold,<br />
You’re the warmth in my heart that never will grow cold.<br />
<br />
Let me sit down here beside you, to talk of times gone by,<br />
I’ll soon be at your side dear, somewhere up there on high.<br />
Can you see my hand a’reaching, feel this love I tender you,<br />
Happiness will reign supreme, when I sit there with you. <br />
<br />
I will walk with you in Eden, when my kingdom has come,<br />
We can sit beside the rivers that through Paradise do run. <br />
When again we are united, no longer memories,<br />
Two souls will sing out joyfully, on every evening breeze.<br />
<br />
Let me sit down here beside you, to talk of times gone by,<br />
I’ll soon be at your side dear, somewhere up there on high.<br />
Can you see my hand a'reaching, feel this love I tender you,<br />
Happiness will reign supreme, when I sit there with you. <br />
<br />
Let me sit down here beside you, wish I could hold your hand,<br />
And look into your eyes dear, I know you understand. <br />
The years have taken toll dear but the years we had were gold,<br />
You’re the warmth in my heart dear that never will grow cold.

Hello Widowess,<br />
It is a hard thing to do,to focus on life after you lose your spouse. Everybody tells you its going to get better.<br />
That life goes on and you just have to deal with it.<br />
Easy for them to say, huh?<br />
Well, my husband has been gone almost 2 years now, and speaking from experience, life does go on with or without you. I tried to get away from it and I have tried to be a part of it for so long it made me sick from grief.<br />
There is no "getting over" losing someone. You just learn to live without them. <br />
Then one day you start to laugh and little realizations creep into your head as you begin to once again "hear" your loved ones words echo in your own. You begin to understand that your loved ones love has given you strength to move on. To move forward. <br />
There is no getting over someone you loved. There is a new chapter. A new beginning. Listen to their voice echo in your head. You know what they would say or do. You even know deep down inside what they would tell you in your current state of being. <br />
Go with that. You can't go wrong. Let them be your guide back to life. Let your friends be your shoulders to cry on. Let your family help you with the other stuff.<br />
There is no easy fix. There is only hope.<br />
If you need a friend or someone to talk to, we have a lot of friends here. We help each other by talking about our loss. Believe it or not it really does take some of the burden off.<br />
Message me if you need to.<br />
I'll be listening.