Missing Him

I still miss him. Every once in awhile It seems as though he is standing right next to me telling me what to do next. I listen sometimes and other times I tell him that he needs to go on about his own stuff.

I don't know why. It is comforting to still talk to him every so often, because I feel like he's listening. I have learned to move forward with my life. I have even found new purpose for my life. I have come to so many realizations about my life with him.

He had made me so happy. I thought that was it. I have found that he has taught me to be strong, self-sufficient, adventurous and how to express myself to others without feeling self-conscious about my thoughts. Life is better now. I am learning to be a single parent and I have found new ways of dealing with problems we used to deal with together.

I'm okay now. It's strange. I feel good when I thought I could never feel again. I laugh everyday now.

I'm happy again. A new chapter in my new life. There are many of John's things still in the house. Its okay though. They don't stifle me anymore.

I like looking at his artwork again. Thought of even selling some of it. I'll let the kids help me decide what we should sell. It is their legacy after all.

theredlady theredlady
41-45, F
8 Responses Feb 27, 2009

:) yes Libertybell we did talk a long while back. I hope you're doing well. It's almost four years since I lost John. Didn't think it was possible but I have found someone new to share my life. We've both got our pain we've had to deal with and now have each other. I still miss John at times, but things have changed and as i always said, they don't get easier, just change.

wow, I read your story. I too,am a widow.I think we chatted a long time ago.<br />
I read the first few lines, of course I cried, but it was like i was reading my OWN entry-story-experience. It was amazing.You and I feel the same,(of course not exactly) but we as widows are still hurting even after the years go by.My husband passed Dec2008.<br />
Very nice entry. ((HUGS))

Aww thank you Cabby! Couldnt have done it without the support of friends though.

I'm so sorry for your loss, but also so glad you've found your feet in this new life. How great that you can laugh again and celebrate life, grateful for the grace and gifts he gave to you, discovering new things about yourself. It's aother way of honouring your husband's memory and celebrating his life. Bless you. X@

Thank you. I hope you find the peace you are looking for. It's difficult, I know.

we are still working on on the loss of her dad ....we still have a few things of his ,,,like his favorite dress shirt and a few old t shirts my daughter still sleeps in ...he has been gone almost five yrs now <br />
and we are still picking up the pieces of our lives ....so i do understand ...hopefully one day soon we will be at a place where we can be whole again ......and still im so sorry for your loss

Thank you, Stephanie,<br />
<br />
I appreciate your thoughts. My oldest son is 14. It can be a difficult age to be. He and his dad were very close. I know that everything will be good for me, now. Still have a few things to work out, but that's life, huh?

You're fabulous for honoring the reality of your situation, gleaning insight from it for you and your children, and helping your family to move on while remembering your husband's memory.<br />
<br />
My husband also passed away, quite unexpectedly, almost a year ago. He was 46. We have a 15 year-old son who is (obviously) missing his very loving dad. Although my son and I have always been very bonded, Dad is sorely missing in this household. <br />
<br />
My husband's spirit still let's him be known around here, so we know he's okay and checking in on us. Perhaps that's what you're experiencing..<br />
<br />
Anyway, wishing you and your family all the best,<br />
<br />
Stephanie<br />
<br />
I haven't been able to find a widows/widowers support group in my area of Sonoma County, CA.