I was drowning in my own sorrow. I was dying inside and out and no matter what I did, I couldn't pull myself up. I couldn't live for anyone anymore, not even my children. I cried and screamed and prayed that God would send me someone... any one to pull me up or  to just let me die. Two days later he walked in the door.I've told this story before. Read it again elsewhere, but there he was and he pulled me up and I took a chance and stepped out onto a precipice to feel the life flow back into me and it did. It flowed and swallowed me and gave me the strength I needed to go on. I still struggled with my sorrow and pain, but I was alive.

I had tasted life again and it gave me a thirst to find more. The man has gone. He is  a friend and I see him from time to time, but the feelings I thought I had are not there.Now I stand on another precipice and I have found myself wondering if I'm not fooling myself again. I realize that I am not and am ready to step into the yawning chasm below me and hope and pray that my  eyes and heart are not deceitful this time. I think my sorrow has passed enough for me to see clearly and recognize what I'm feeling. So now I will take this walk and see if the bridge is waiting for my tread.

theredlady theredlady
41-45, F
13 Responses Mar 29, 2010

No need for thanks , just a little friendy advice ....

Your right Salar... I said that all wrong didn't I? I wrote it in the heat of the moment and reading it back I know your right. I made this decision to go forward all on my own. Despite warnings from familly and friends, I decided to take a chance on this man because he makes me happy. I stand behind it. I stand advised and corrected. Thank you.

Red dont go looking for a bridge ........<br />
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Make your own girl ,go out there and try life again, time for you to start thinking of good times for yourself make yourself happy , you can do it , you made yourself misrable by thinking that way , so use your intelligence lady and your sense of reason and make yourself happy ........

I guess you'll never know the answer unless you try again. I didn't find it easy the first time. I was older, independent, and was really quite shook by the whole process. But if the person is right, it just makes sense.<br />
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You've grown, it's time to try again and see. If it's right for you, you'll know it. <br />
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I guess what I'm saying is that it's always a leap of faith.

I know you would MM.. Your a great friend and far be it from me to ever doubt it.

Aww thanks Cici.. I hope you're right.. *fingers crossed*

Oh TRL from what you've told me this precipice isn't an abyss, you've sort of made a foundation beneath that bridge so that even if it fails at first there is still this deep conection that will keep you together. I wish you the best of luck!

Thanks Aly... =D

I'm so happy for u. xxx

Ah.. yeah I'm scared out of my mind, but I'm going.... fingers crossed Empty and De! Thank you Hannah!... =D

Yes red go look for that bridge , dont be scared .... try to walk across when you get there . And remember we are here if you need a hand !

Good luck, Red :)

Good luck with everything and may God bless you