Still Hard To Believe

I lost my husband, my best friend, on June 26, 2009.  Nothing could have prepared me for the immence emotions that you go through.  Even though his death was an end to his fight and his suffering, I still was not ready to give him up.  I am surrounded by family and friends and they do the best that they can to fill the void, but there is a gigantic hole in my heart.  I really try to stay busy so that the lonliness doesn't overtake me.  I really am not happy with my life, it really is bad to see other couples together.  I am so jealous.  Getting use to being by myself still hasn't happened.  I know I need to move on, but the thought of living the rest of my life without him is not anything to look forward to. 
mkhaddad357 mkhaddad357
2 Responses Aug 1, 2010

It is so reassuring to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this. We were married 31 years. I, too, put up a strong front, but I am so weak and scared of being alone. I keep talking to myself about how need to buck up and gather my strength and try to create a new life for myself. Oh, but this is so hard. I do work as a teacher, so during the school year it is much easier since I'm so busy. I can't expect my kids to be the center of my interests, they have lives of their own. I hope we can continue to share our feelings and possibly we could share some advice that works for us on how to move on.

I can feel for everything you said. My husband died on June 24/09 and I never thought more than a year later the pain would still be so intense. I know the only person that could empathize with my feeling is someone who has experienced the same loss. We were married 27 years and I truly thought at this point I would be able to restart my life but that is much more challenging than I anticipated. You are not alone, I have travelled with my children and it's so painful to see couples happy the way we use to be. I continue to try to be strong giving everyone the empression I'm doing OK but every evening all I can think about is the way my life use to be, I can't seem to erase that from my memories. I so much want to move on but the life I use to have consumes me. I know facing each new day is tough without motivation or reason, those thoughts scare me the most.