Blessed Despite My Circumstances

I am a widow of two years due to lung cancer from second hand smoke. My husband was a police sgt for many years in a smoke filled environment. Married for 43 years, his death was sudden, unexpected and less than a month from diagnoses to death. He was rarely sick and barely suffered, never knew he was dying, for which I am very grateful. We spent most of our married life caring for 40 foster children, two biological children and 10 adopted children. We restored big, old houses during these years

Our last restoration project was on 400 acres where we fostered 8 boys, 8 and under. When we retired 3 years ago, all but 3 of the boys had permanent placements waiting. We could not leave the remaining three behind as we were moving out of state. They were all special needs. My family members have extremely long life spans, 100+ , his 90's. We had no reason to believe we would not see these children to 18.

Three years ago, we moved with the boys almost 1,000 miles away from the familiar into a foreclosed house that needed much work as usual. One year later he was gone. What was very easily managed with the two of us is overwhelming for one. My life is very confining as one child is paralyzed and my support group limited due to limited time in this location.

The pain of loss is very real, however, I refuse to dwell in it realizing how blessed we were as a family not to have witnessed him suffer, or worry if he knew he was leaving us/me. I am unable to return to the familiar due to finances and although I do not like the new location, I understand that I can choose to be content despite my circumstances. Marriage was so kind to me, I would welcome the chance to be so happy again. Given the responsibilities of three special needs children, I don't expect that to be my lot but, realize that in that also I can choose to accept my circumstances and realize I am blessed. 
dandelyon dandelyon
61-65, F
May 16, 2012