1st Time Widow

My husband before he passed away was very depressed after having had a stroke that left him unable to use his his right side. At one point things had gotten so bad that the home care agencies would no longer come out due to his inappropriate behavior. I decided to teach my husband to walk,speak,read,and write again, I was very successful in doing so, despite our weight and height differences I am 5 2, 200lbs and he was 6 4, 252lbs. My husband after having made a great recovery, decided in may of 2008  to visit to visit his mother for mothers day,his mother lived in another city miles away from our home.He made it to her house safely, The next day was mothers day, I received a call from my husband which I expected since we had 2 children 3, and 16. Nothing could have prepared me for what my husband would say next, " I'm not coming back home ever " I was floored literally ! I quickly collected my thoughts and asked why? he never gave me an answer. I gained custody of our  youngest son, but in the case of our oldest son I had no parental rights to him, simply because he was step child. I also took care of him he had cancer which he had been diagnosed with since 8 years old. My heart was broken beyond repair. as time passed my husband only visited our youngest twice and after that never again, I did not here from him for a while. on the night of February 3, 2011, I received a call from my brother in law telling me to call Wichita, Kansas police. I immediately called them, and was told that my husband was found dead in his apartment by a neighbor. I was then instructed to call the mortuary, I did so and i was told he died as a result of  a stroke. I cried for a long time....... he was cremated and his remains were shipped to me, along with a death certificate. I held a memorial service for him at his uncles church, in my home town of Richmond,Virginia. I then had to deal with how to tell my then 4 year old that his father has died, I also saw my step son at  the memorial service, he had grown so much, and I was so happy to him he was equally as happy to see me too. I never heard from  my step son again after that, finally on October 15,2011 I received a phone call from my  step son's sister in Petersburg, she told me that my stepson died of cancer he was only 19 years old. I had to set up funeral services for him, they were held at a funeral home. My heart couldn't possibly break anymore than it had already has. How do you tell a 5 year old that the only sibling he had, has passed away. Since then, I have managed to pick up the pieces I had to move out of my home, as I could not afford to stay in the house. I am now in so much debt, unfortunately my husband felt that he did not have to pay  any bills because they were all in my name, now I live with a friend who went to high school with me. thank God for people who care. I am ow trying to get my finances together, I don't know what to do next about this major debt, I am on disability. what advice can anyone offer. 
mshardy2u mshardy2u
1 Response May 19, 2012

Dear M, I am so sorry for your all your losses, emotionally and physically. Sometimes it seems we are handed more than we can bear. I commend you for taking responsibility for the things you did even though it would seem unfair for you to have to do so under the circumstances. I am wondering if you could contact a debt management group and ask for assistance in helping you consolidate and or forgive part of what you owe. I don't know a lot about how they work but, sometimes by their intervention they are able to get the amount reduced, etc. You must be so overwhelmed by all that has happened. The first thing that came to mind while reading about your husband not returning is sometimes with stroke survivors the mind no longer processes as it is supposed to. I know that is not much comfort but, if it was such unusual behavior for him, I rather suspect that it had more to do with the stroke than you. Feel free to write when you need to talk. I don't have a lot of answers but, I feel for you and will gladly listen.