I Am a Widow
Life became totally different on April 21, 2009.
My husband died in my arms, unexpectedly. We thought he was on his way to full recovery, but the doctors failed to tell us, my husband was on barowed time. It was all false hope created by the medical field.
His death crated a different kind of death for me. I went into silence and would not socialize in any way. I did not feel sorry for myself, but I did feel sorry for him with each new day. He was only 59 years old when he became sick and was just ready to retire and enjoy some of the things he had dreamed of doing. He was nine years older than me and we had a very special relationship filled with friendship, love and a wonderful shared companionship between each other. I knew how much he loved me and he knew how much I loved him. We both cherish all of those years we had together.
I went into the deepest sorrow I had ever experienced and I just kept getting deeper within it with each new day. I did not care if I got dressed, fixed my hair, answer the phone or even keep the friends I had. I became weak from a lack of exercise, not going anywhere and no desire to eat. I was dying and my daughter knew it. I just could not snap out of it and it was horrible!
About ten months ago, I had an awakening. I woke up one day, looked into the mirror and saw a stranger staring back at me. Yikes! It was the image of Medusa! I looked like Hell and I felt like Hell. I was getting old! I was only 57 years old and I looked like I was pushing seventy. "What happened to me? " I questioned myself. I did not want to live the rest of my life looking like this!
My daughter took me shopping for a whole new wardrobe. The baggy clothes I wore, were replaced by new trends of tighter fitting fashions. My long, below the shoulder length hair, was brought back to its natural color of dark brown from a box. My body was revived by a full body massage and my face was renewed with a facial and a daily routine of skin care products to apply myself at home. I felt good and when I looked in the mirror, I no longer looked old and Medusa was gone!
I was getting invitations by a few men to go out for coffee, dinner or just a walk on our local walking trail. I turned them all down. I was scared to date anyone. I had been with the same man for many years. I knew him well and I was comfortable around him. These men were strangers in many ways and I just could not think of myself as single, even though... I really was at this point in my life.
My daughter decided to put a profile of me on a dating/friendship site. She thought, maybe, if I started corresponding by exchanging messages with people on there, I would be more comfortable. She was right. I never ventured off of the site with personal e-mail exchanges. I encounter some really strange men and I also found many on-line friends. Then... I received a message from someone who did not even have a picture of themselves posted. They were very nice, with humor and seemed to be a very caring father of his two married daughters and shared heart-warming stories about his four grandchildren. He never mentioned romance and became a friend I looked forward to hearing from.
We then exchanged e-mails and began talking business. I found that he had always wanted to live in a town that I always dreamed of living in. He wanted to open a coffee shop there and my desire was to have a gourmet coffee shop again. (He did not know any of the similar desires we had. I did not tell him.) My daughter and her husband decided to celebrate my grandson's birthday in that town ad when I told my friend about it, he asked if we could meet while there. I was hesitant at first, but then I decided there was no harm at meeting him and my little family would be there with me. There was nothing to feel nervous or scared about.
All of us were speechless when we met him. He looked just like my late husband! They could have been twins! He wore the same style of clothing, the same brand of shoes in the same color choice, his hair was the same style and coloring and his eyes were even the same color! It was like seeing a ghost. To top it all off, he even had the same personality and traits as my late husband.
Since that meeting, I have talked with him almost everyday on the phone. We still do not talk about romance, but he has hinted about romantic dinners, ideal relationships between a couple and the importance of family. He made me feel good when he mentioned I did not look my age with my modern style of long hair and fashion was unbelievable. He did not see the Medusa, I looked like a few months earlier and I was thankful for that, along with being thankful, I was able to get rid of that image before it was too late.
I got my life back and my memories a loving thoughts of how my life once was for so many years, but now... I can take one step at a time towards a new life and feeling good about myself.
It has been a very long road of rediscovery of myself.
My husband died in my arms, unexpectedly. We thought he was on his way to full recovery, but the doctors failed to tell us, my husband was on barowed time. It was all false hope created by the medical field.
His death crated a different kind of death for me. I went into silence and would not socialize in any way. I did not feel sorry for myself, but I did feel sorry for him with each new day. He was only 59 years old when he became sick and was just ready to retire and enjoy some of the things he had dreamed of doing. He was nine years older than me and we had a very special relationship filled with friendship, love and a wonderful shared companionship between each other. I knew how much he loved me and he knew how much I loved him. We both cherish all of those years we had together.
I went into the deepest sorrow I had ever experienced and I just kept getting deeper within it with each new day. I did not care if I got dressed, fixed my hair, answer the phone or even keep the friends I had. I became weak from a lack of exercise, not going anywhere and no desire to eat. I was dying and my daughter knew it. I just could not snap out of it and it was horrible!
About ten months ago, I had an awakening. I woke up one day, looked into the mirror and saw a stranger staring back at me. Yikes! It was the image of Medusa! I looked like Hell and I felt like Hell. I was getting old! I was only 57 years old and I looked like I was pushing seventy. "What happened to me? " I questioned myself. I did not want to live the rest of my life looking like this!
My daughter took me shopping for a whole new wardrobe. The baggy clothes I wore, were replaced by new trends of tighter fitting fashions. My long, below the shoulder length hair, was brought back to its natural color of dark brown from a box. My body was revived by a full body massage and my face was renewed with a facial and a daily routine of skin care products to apply myself at home. I felt good and when I looked in the mirror, I no longer looked old and Medusa was gone!
I was getting invitations by a few men to go out for coffee, dinner or just a walk on our local walking trail. I turned them all down. I was scared to date anyone. I had been with the same man for many years. I knew him well and I was comfortable around him. These men were strangers in many ways and I just could not think of myself as single, even though... I really was at this point in my life.
My daughter decided to put a profile of me on a dating/friendship site. She thought, maybe, if I started corresponding by exchanging messages with people on there, I would be more comfortable. She was right. I never ventured off of the site with personal e-mail exchanges. I encounter some really strange men and I also found many on-line friends. Then... I received a message from someone who did not even have a picture of themselves posted. They were very nice, with humor and seemed to be a very caring father of his two married daughters and shared heart-warming stories about his four grandchildren. He never mentioned romance and became a friend I looked forward to hearing from.
We then exchanged e-mails and began talking business. I found that he had always wanted to live in a town that I always dreamed of living in. He wanted to open a coffee shop there and my desire was to have a gourmet coffee shop again. (He did not know any of the similar desires we had. I did not tell him.) My daughter and her husband decided to celebrate my grandson's birthday in that town ad when I told my friend about it, he asked if we could meet while there. I was hesitant at first, but then I decided there was no harm at meeting him and my little family would be there with me. There was nothing to feel nervous or scared about.
All of us were speechless when we met him. He looked just like my late husband! They could have been twins! He wore the same style of clothing, the same brand of shoes in the same color choice, his hair was the same style and coloring and his eyes were even the same color! It was like seeing a ghost. To top it all off, he even had the same personality and traits as my late husband.
Since that meeting, I have talked with him almost everyday on the phone. We still do not talk about romance, but he has hinted about romantic dinners, ideal relationships between a couple and the importance of family. He made me feel good when he mentioned I did not look my age with my modern style of long hair and fashion was unbelievable. He did not see the Medusa, I looked like a few months earlier and I was thankful for that, along with being thankful, I was able to get rid of that image before it was too late.
I got my life back and my memories a loving thoughts of how my life once was for so many years, but now... I can take one step at a time towards a new life and feeling good about myself.
It has been a very long road of rediscovery of myself.
By:
journalwriter
Age:
51-55
,
Female
