Alone Again Quite Naturally. . .

I have been widowed twice now and am only 61. I live alone with my loyal pets. I'm trying to start a new life, new friends. My family and friends live two states away. I enjoy my solitude, but there are times when it get so lonely. I would like to meet someone to share the remaining years with. I've been looking for a year now, but am not having any success. After many unsuccessful "meetings" & encounters I'm ready to give up the search. The pain each time is greater and it takes me longer to recover. I'm also tired of dealing with all the scammers who take advantage of lonely people.

I cared for both of my husband's when their health failed. I just don't know how to go on any more. I've tried praying, meditating, grief recovery. I'm only finding temporary relief. As a recovering alcoholic sobriety is key, at least I've maintained that. I live in a remote area with very limited resources. I'm surviving on my own will power.

How do I keep going on when it seems like I'm constantly being hurt?? Am I a victim, yes. Am I doing anything about it? I'm trying.



rosietaz2005 rosietaz2005
8 Responses Jun 8, 2008

we're all victims of some sort ,prisoned with our own thoughts, that no one understands, every one has advise,wether good or bad, its how you feels I guess, my victim is me,I have been all alone my life, my mother divorced, had to work ,no one home siblings gone their way. no one around now, husband died,every one left after the funeral. left on my own, now what.go to work come home,sleep.go to work come home.sleep. sleeps good stay in bed.but keep breathing,try and find the solutions to the mental mess Im in, misery, we all victims of some hurt,

I lost my husband two years ago after 43 years of marriage. A year later, I met my boyfriend, now fiance, who wants to marry me, his third marriage after two divorces. He is 62 and I am 63.This may appear to be a wonderful chance at a second life but I am terrified of the possibility of his leaving me too, even though he is healthy. I am not sure that a can handle a second marriage, never expected to be a widow, as my husband was my life, my daily breath. This week was the second anniversary of my husband's passing and I spent the day with my fiance not crying over the loss of my husband. I am confused, not sure what to do about remarrying. In the first few months of my widowhood, I could not handle being alone. I would only come home late at night to sleep, wake and dress in the morning and leave. Now I spend more time at home than out. as my boyfriend/fiance lives with me. I don't want the same life as I had with my husband. I don't want to have the title "wife." I like being a girlfirend as I married my late husband when I was 18 and he was my only boyfriend. I still want to have other male friends, but my boyfriend is extremely jealous and if I look at other men he gets upset and angry. His extreme jealousy is another reason I hesitate to marry him. My husband was not jealous, and never had reason to be jealous. Next week we are suppose to say our vows under God, not legally. I am hesitant and know if I decline to say our vows, our relationship will suffer, perhaps to the point of splitting apart with him leaving me. Lately I have dreamed of telling my boyfriend he needs to move out of my house. He would have no place to go and that is a sad problem too. I don't know what I will say next week and am scared whatever I do will be the wrong choice. I know I cannot be alone, cannot go thru the meet someone new and never get a call back. My fiancee is the third man I dated multiple times as a widow. There was another man I truly fell in love with and it was not reciprocated which is why I met my current boyfriend. I admit to having strong loving feelings for this other man and can see him once in a while at a club I joined but can't attend due to the jealousy of my boyfriend. I am torn between losing my boyfriend and trying to reconnect with this other man. This man is a true womanizer but I thought I was his one, actually about his fifth. My boyfriend insisted he be the only one I dated so I stopped seeing the other man, but never stopped loving him secretly. My fiance is constantly telling me how he wants to be with me, that he loves me. Yet, I think of the man before him. I am thinking less about this other man but he is in my heart, not over him yet. I think more about this other man than my late husband. How do I move forward from this mess?

hi, i am experiencing the same feelings, my husband passed this april the day before my birthday. i thought that i was coping but it is hard adjusting. My joy in life is 0. I am looking for the refresh button. where can i find it?

Hi,<br />
<br />
My second husband died little over 3 months ago, my best friend. I cannot believe I am going through this again. I am 51, the first one was a marriage of 28 years, fought cancer and other things, then died at 48 yrs old. I thought I would never feel alive again. A little over a year I found a wonderful man and made me feel alive. This man was active and we enjoyed each others company, never sick, and then, I wake up and he doesn't. Shock, the understatment of the year, hurt, crushed, I don't have words to describe the feeling. I have been going on my own will and strength, so much changes at once, moved from up north back to the south, living with daughter and her family, lost my job, everything. Lonliness, it is worse than the first time with me, I hate night time. But, it is good to know that there are others out there, for I was feeling like I was a curse or something. My God this is an awful nightmare for a human being to go through it once, but twice?? I just don't understand at times, I just don't understand and for sure don't like it.

Hi , I know exactly how you feel. Nine years ago I lost my husband of 36 years. One year later I was lucky enough to meet another good man who I was engaged to but he passed away nine months ago. <br />
The lonlyness is just unbearable at times and, like you I would love to meet someone to spend my remaining years with. I have tried to find a group to join but there seems to be nothing out there. I am 62 and also sick of looking and being hurt. I nursed both men through their illnesses attended every doctor's appointment with them yet I must go everywhere alone.<br />
I'm just so sick of trying I just want to curl up in a corner and sleep the rest of my life away.

hi there, i so know how you feel im also a widow of two husbands and im only 29 with 4 children, i feel so cursed . its only early for me my husband died two weeks ago and im so alone and still in shock , i seen your story and wanted to write to you that i understand . hope to hear from you.

Join a support group...are you a member of a church?<br />
<br />
Have faith..God works miracles when we least expect them. Go to Joyce Meyers website...Joyce

you seem like a very strong and careing person keep your head up