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Been Through All The Emotions!

I lost my wife after a massive heart attack in the middle of the night. Nov 23rd,2011. Feeling hurt, betrayed, mad, selfish, hate and without a doubt...loneliness, is all normal. We were only married for 7 years, but were the best years of my life. Everyday, i review the past...the night of her death and where i'm going today....and it plays like a movie. I think about all the all the great times, and any arguments we had. I wouldn't give up any of that. We made us...and i'm thankful for the short time that we had. We were deeply in love, traveled all over, bought our first house together and did not have a care in the world. We have amazing friends and family.I give this love out more now then ever. THe best advice i can give is this...

Share the love you had with each other and give it to the world.

Don't stop doing things you did together.This is a big one. THe first time repeating things you did together will hurt like hell. Get them done!!!

Start the new you. Its the alone you. Do things you thought about doing. Go on a trip, paint the bedroom, and so on.

Stay focused on responsibilities. This is big one too. Feeling like you have some control, is huge.

The biggest DONT!!!! DONT pull the curtains shut. Don't Stock up on Vodka. DONT stop working. DONT stop paying bills. DONT shut people out of your life.



Get out of that house. Share your love with friends and family. You deserve that...and so do they. Your spouse would want that very much! God bless you and i'm a friend if you need one.

Todd


Toddinseattle Toddinseattle 46-50, M 2 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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Thanks Todd . I really did take a trip and painted the bedroom. It has been 2 1/2 years. I still think of his last breath and keep wondering if I did all I could for him. His suffering was so bad my knees stood weak in his presence . I know he is in a better place. We were married 34 years . God Bless You Norahslight

Oh how I can relate to your post.. I lost my husband only a few weeks ago after a 10 yr battle with cancer... At first i guess i was relieved, as his suffering was finally over.... but now i find myself feeling so empty i dont know what to do with myself.. i took a pay cut during his illness to work close to home at a convenience store where ive been for 7 yrs now. Now that hes gone i have no idea what to do with myself, besides continue to raise our teenage son... Lots of friends were around at first, but now I am alone an dodnt know who I am anymore.. helping him fight cancer was my life for 10yrs.. what do i do now? cant get myself motivated... dont wanna sleep, dont wanna work, dont wanna grieve...dont have any idea on what to do with the rest of my life... who would really understand me and what i went thru... none of my friends are widowed...how could they understand...I ma only 43 but feel like I am too old to love again and too young to retire...lol oh the ups and downs just might drive me crazy! How did you cope and how did your friends react?

Hi Joy.
I coped with pushing ahead. Don t quit. And i still want to quit everyday. My friends have been amazing through all of this. I personally, spent a few hours talking to a pastor and he pointed out very quickly how things will play out. He told me that you will be overwhelmed with people being there for me. Then he said that it will get even harder. They will move on. They have lives to love. He was right on the money. You will feel abandoned even more. I was hurt by this. I then realized...they should move on. And so should I. I made a bucket list within the first week. Things i had to do and things i wanted to do. I fade to mention that this was the worst 2 years of my l life. The day before my wife passed away, my step sisters dad passed away. Meanwhile, my sister was on a long battle with cancer. After my wife passed...i spent 3 months of traveling 300 miles to see her as much as i could. She passed away about 5 months ago. After that...i gave away her daughter in her wedding. :)
I traveled to lake tahoe to spread my wifes ashs as well. Went to see my daughter in michigan twice. Yes, i traveled a ton. I'm done traveling now. I coped by telling myself ....i'm doing it. I work like crazy. To be honest, i didn't have a lot of time to drive in the open. Everything i did was extremely emotional. But i did them. Make your self a bucket list. Set them goals. 50 % of my list was what we where going to do and the other 50% was what i needed to do. Only a few weeks ago is a short time. I'm sorry for your loss joy. Its not easy. Start that bucket list...keep busy. Grieving is a giving...and so should be the things to do. I'm here for ya Joy. Ok.
Todd