Husband Died Suddenly
My husband of 23 yrs. died instantly 5 months ago Tues. He was feeling fine, went to work, and I got a call that he had had a heart attack. The Dr. at the hospital said he couldn't have saved him if he had had him on the table. I am strong & smiling to family and friends & they think I am doing fine, but sometimes the tears will just fall or I get the urge to get out of wherever I am. They tell me what they are doing (couples), where they ate, or where they are invited. I am happy for them, but it makes my heart hurt so bad, because I know I won't ever do those things again. I have done my Christmas shopping on line, because I was afraid closer to Christmas, I wouldn't be able to fake it. I do not want to go to the different things I will be expected to attend, but I don't want to spoil the mood for other people. We had an average life, ate out a lot, laughed a lot, and didn't have any real problems. I try not to look to far ahead, because it doesn't look real happy. I have 2 dogs that I really enjoy, they also miss their daddy and wait for him to come home. I am not looking for a husband, but I would love to have a friend to talk to, laugh with and just enjoy. Every where I look, it is like Noah's ark. I don't really feel sorry for myself, I am ok, but I sure miss him and wonder why he had to die so suddenly. I am glad he didn't suffer, but I am doing it for him I guess. This may sound like rambling, it is the first time I have written it down. I wish all of you reading this, a happy future.