Husband Died Suddenly

My husband of 23 yrs. died instantly 5 months ago Tues. He was feeling fine, went to work, and I got a call that he had had a heart attack. The Dr. at the hospital said he couldn't have saved him if he had had him on the table.  I am strong & smiling to family and friends & they think I am doing fine, but sometimes the tears will just fall or I get the urge to get out of wherever I am. They tell me what they are doing (couples), where they ate, or where they are invited.  I am happy for them, but it makes my heart hurt so bad, because I know I won't ever do those things again.  I have done my Christmas shopping on line, because I was afraid closer to Christmas, I wouldn't be able to fake it.  I do not want to go to the different things I will be expected to attend, but I don't want to spoil the mood for other people.  We had an average life, ate out a lot, laughed a lot, and didn't have any real problems.  I try not to look to far ahead, because it doesn't look real happy.  I have 2 dogs that I really enjoy, they also miss their daddy and wait for him to come home.  I am not looking for a husband, but I would love to have a friend to talk to, laugh with and just enjoy.  Every where I look, it is like Noah's ark.  I don't really feel sorry for myself, I am ok, but I sure miss him and wonder why he had to die so suddenly.  I am glad he didn't suffer, but I am doing it for him I guess.  This may sound like rambling, it is the first time I have written it down.  I wish all of you reading this, a happy future.

lonelydoglover lonelydoglover
4 Responses Nov 22, 2008

It will get better, slowly, but surely. Giving love or help to others has helped me even in small ways. Yet there will come a day when its all ok. It is life, it is death and we will meet again.

I also lost my husband 5 months ago suddenly of a massive heart attack. One minute he was there, the next minute he was gone. We were married for 41 years and I miss him every day. I feel lost without him, my entire life has changed. I force myself to go out with friends to a movie or lunch, but that's not me. I've had to reinvent myself and now have to make my own circle of friends. I'd rather just stay home and lay in my bed.

Don't be afraid to tell family/friends that you aren't okay- honey you lost your husband! If my sister came to me with this I'd be with her every waking moment I could- do anything I could to relieve her pain, even if just for a moment.<br />
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Have you tried some therapy to help you?<br />
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You'll grieve, it's hard, this person was the biggest part of your life, it's only natural. But with time it gets easier, I always say remember the good times and know he loves you so much and watches over you every day- he wouldn't want you to be sad.<br />
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Do something in his honor, something to bring you more closure and try to get out if you can.<br />
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Best of luck, I hope you find someone someday who can fill the emptiness.

Also wishing you a happy future, lonelydoglover, and strength to see it through. My mother-in-law lost her spouse seven years ago, and has only recently spread her wings again. Peace, hope, love --