Recent Widow

My husband and I had been married for 41 years and he truly was the love of my life.  He was diagnosed with lung cancer in January 2008 and and passed away November 26.  I feel like am not complete anymore.  I have a constant ache in my heart and in my stomach that will not go away.  I feel like all I want to do is crawl in bed and  cover my head and simply die.  But I know I can't do that.  We have two beautiful grown children and I wouldn't do anything to hurt them.  But this aching and missing him will not go away.  I do try to get out of the house some but I'm not happy doing that either.  I just want to stay home and cry.

bbm929 bbm929
4 Responses Jan 1, 2009

When you're gone<br />
The pieces of my heart are missing you<br />
When you're gone<br />
The face I came to know is missing too<br />
When you're gone<br />
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok<br />
I miss you<br />
<br />
When you're gone - Avril Lavigne

I agree with the 2 comments above. Even I felt and do feel at times to shut myself up in a closet from the world or pull the covers over my head and die myself. But, that is not who I am. I too have grown children and cannot put them through another death and burial. So I want to live and keep my hubby's memory alive through me living. Hang on it may be a rough ride but they say it gets better with time. I sure hope so. Take care and hugs from me too.

It's pretty darn hard bb. I lost my husband Oct. 4 this year, so I know what you mean about wanting to go to bed and pull the covers over my head. It seemed impossible that I could be alive after feeling so torn in half.<br />
I don't know if you have faith of any sort, but I know it is something I was glad to have. I have relied heavily on the Lord to help me through and He has. <br />
I don't see death as final and I know that my Bob still exists. I have felt him near a few times, like he is watching over me. <br />
<br />
One of my perspectives came to me long ago when I thought about my own death. I don't fear it. I won't try to hasten it, because life is a precious gift too, but I won't fear my own end, because I know it's not THE end.<br />
<br />
Your husband is not far away bb and the love is eternal like the soul.<br />
<br />
I am already starting to feel like this new independence is probably a positive growing experience for my soul, even though it is still so painful. I find it helps to day dream a bit about getting away to a warm sunny beach. I haven't mapped out a future for myself, but it does help to think a bit about some good things you might want to do for yourself.<br />
<br />
SantanaRex is right about getting involved in a support group or something. I tried to socialise a bit about a month ago or so, and id it was still too soon, but I'll try again soon. In a way, this place is similar if people work together in sharing helpful hints and compassion.<br />
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Big hugs to you dear, and day at a time, and don't bottle up any tears.<br />

I am very sorry for your loss. It will get better with time, I was told it helps to be around people. Sometimes I find it does help. I lost my wife in July and all three of my kids went off to college in September - I have alot of alone time and I do find that having a few friends to talk to helps. I go to a support group occassionally and that helps, just knowing I am not alone.