Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Just Us Two

I am a widow.  Every day I wake up and have to remember that.  After 22 years of marriage my husband's prediction, "I will not live past 60," is so insanely true.

How did he know? Admittedly, he had been deathly ill.  In July he had a stroke and another the next day after he had been admitted. The doctors and I fought for his life every day in the ICU.  He was comatose for two solid months, intubated, then trached, a nasogastric tube, then a stomach tube, pneumonia, and ARDS...then the bilateral pulmonary emboli and a serious nearly fatal alveolar bleed -- when he seemed to rally and got better the VA Doctors and me--we all chalked up our wonderful victory. I thanked God every day for answering my prayers.

I signed every release the doctors asked for, I hit my knees in so many prayers that I had the hospital staff and nurses praying with me.

He entered the hospital on July 21, 2008 and was released November 10th.  We went home and commenced trying to build our life again.  November passed and December came, the weather got cold and gloomy and we put the flannel sheets on the bed together.  We traveled around and visited our friends and when he went to the VA for a check up we stopped in the ICU so they could say hello and again we all congratulated ourselves.  I took his picture on morning of December 19th as he visited with his friend Bill and he smiled so sweetly....On the evening of December 20th we went to bed, fed, medicated and happy with each other. His snoring was just as usual, keeping me awake as it was so loud.

Sometime during the early morning hours he stopped snoring--aha, I thought, now I can get some sleep...At a quarter to seven I got up like I always do and went to the bathroom.  When I came back I sat on the bed and reached over to wake him. He was dead.

The doctors in the ER and the coroner's report stated he had a massive coronary.  They comforted me to the best of their ability stating that he hadn't suffered at all and that many people wish to die in the way that he had.  He died before he passed the age of 60 and he went quietly in his sleep.

I don't feel numb.  I feel pain; a knot in my chest.  Sometimes it resolves for a while after I cry but it just builds up again and I am in constant pain. Every day I wake up and I am so sad and lonely.  I asked God, what was it all for?  What did I learn?

Why, why, why!? When we loved each other so, and had great times just being together, just the two of us...why did he have to go?

Then I pull myself up and I get dressed, even if I don't want to--I do it anyway.  I eat and drink even if I don't want to, I talk to people when they talk to me and I do all the things I need to get done--even if I don't know why I bother.  Even if I don't know what it was all for...

champ68193 champ68193 51-55 40 Responses Jan 12, 2009

Your Response

Cancel

Thank you for sharing your story. How lucky to have had the chance to have a little more time together in the end. Life seems so much more precious when we are close to death and you had some precious time together before he passed. Hugs to you and wishes for your peace and happiness in the future.

Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I wish you the best..

I lost my husband in 2008, he was 44. It was a long illness, he had dialated cardiomyopathy (forgive my spelling) in english thats an enlarged heart. He caught a virus which attacked his heart and damaged it beyond repair. He fought on for five years, at the end he asked me to help him die - i couldn't of course and i felt a huge let down for not being strong enough to help him. He died in the critical care unit of our local hospital having asked not to be ressusatated - they asked me if they could 'remove assistance' ... which ment switch off his life support ... and still i was not strong enough to help him - he suffered to the bitter end because i was weak. I felt relief when he finally died, relief that he was no longer suffering. Having three children helped me through, I had to be strong for them and concentrated on helping them through - i missed him terribly and never thought id be happy ever again. I smiled and put on a brave face, i paid the bills, i worked hard and before i knew it four years had passed. We still hold a birthday party for him every year but we do not 'remember' his death day - he was a very possitive, active man and the greatest honour we can do his memory is to make a success of our lives - I tell my children this every day and i always tell them he is proud of them..

i too lost my husband due to suicide.<br />
the pain is not bearable and i am thinking of going with him.. no one can replace him.. it's so hard to go one everyday knowing his no longer here beside me and for our 3 year old daughter. my world stop after he passed away..

I quit asking why. There is no answer. I know you don't need to hear another sorry. What good is sorry? Even if there were an answer, it doesn't change the cold hard fact "he's gone." I still talk to him and still halfway expect to hear him but I know better. Not gonna happen. Stop torturing yourself with questions. I've come to accept it now. I'll never get over it.

This made me hurt. Literally sick to my stomach. My dad passed a year ago and there are many similarities on how/why. I ache for you the same way I ache for my mom. I wish there was some sort of cure for you, for all of us. All I know to do is to create new memories with people still here. Baby steps. And reflect everyday what he would've found funny, stupid, silly. When you can think of him the way he would want to be thought of, then you're doing right by him and you'll start becoming happier.

im so sorry to hear about your husband. i know its a struggle to loose your husband i also have lost my husband 2 years ago i lost him to a fatal accident he was going to work it was early morning 4 am he was about 2 blocks away from my house. me and my husband would call each other every morning cause i would go out to work at 5 i tried calling his phone and got no answer. i thought maby he is listening to the radio loud and dont hear his phone so when i got to work i tryed again still no answer i was getting worried so i called his work they said he hasent went in i got scared i knew something was up. so i called the police station they said there computers were down to call back in 10 minutes. then i saw a policeman walk into my work i went up to him and asked him if he would know anything about my husband if he can find out anything for me he looked at me and asked for my husbands name i gave it to him then he asked me what my name was then he said to follow him we went to a back office at work then him and a nother man was there and they told me my husband was in a fatal accident and he passed away i couldnt beleive what i just hurd it tore my heart apart i had to go home and tell my 6 children that they no longer have a father i didnt know how i was going to do that i cryed all the way home when i got home the kids were all awake waiting for me and i had to tell them we all broke down and cryed. they will no longer have a father and i no longer a husband i was married for 28 years my husband allways would find dimes and pick them up and say that it was a sign that he was going to die in 2010 i wouldnt beleive him he would actually hug me and cry and say god was taking him away. well he died on april 14th 2010 i miss him so much it has beeen such a strugle and i got mad at god and said why why so many times i say it is unfair i loved him so much we had so many kids together why did he get taken away and break so many hearts.

im so sorry to hear about your husband. i know its a struggle to loose your husband i also have lost my husband 2 years ago i lost him to a fatal accident he was going to work it was early morning 4 am he was about 2 blocks away from my house. me and my husband would call each other every morning cause i would go out to work at 5 i tried calling his phone and got no answer. i thought maby he is listening to the radio loud and dont hear his phone so when i got to work i tryed again still no answer i was getting worried so i called his work they said he hasent went in i got scared i knew something was up. so i called the police station they said there computers were down to call back in 10 minutes. then i saw a policeman walk into my work i went up to him and asked him if he would know anything about my husband if he can find out anything for me he looked at me and asked for my husbands name i gave it to him then he asked me what my name was then he said to follow him we went to a back office at work then him and a nother man was there and they told me my husband was in a fatal accident and he passed away i couldnt beleive what i just hurd it tore my heart apart i had to go home and tell my 6 children that they no longer have a father i didnt know how i was going to do that i cryed all the way home when i got home the kids were all awake waiting for me and i had to tell them we all broke down and cryed. they will no longer have a father and i no longer a husband i was married for 28 years my husband allways would find dimes and pick them up and say that it was a sign that he was going to die in 2010 i wouldnt beleive him he would actually hug me and cry and say god was taking him away. well he died on april 14th 2010 i miss him so much it has beeen such a strugle and i got mad at god and said why why so many times i say it is unfair i loved him so much we had so many kids together why did he get taken away and break so many hearts.

im so sorry to hear about your husband. i know its a struggle to loose your husband i also have lost my husband 2 years ago i lost him to a fatal accident he was going to work it was early morning 4 am he was about 2 blocks away from my house. me and my husband would call each other every morning cause i would go out to work at 5 i tried calling his phone and got no answer. i thought maby he is listening to the radio loud and dont hear his phone so when i got to work i tryed again still no answer i was getting worried so i called his work they said he hasent went in i got scared i knew something was up. so i called the police station they said there computers were down to call back in 10 minutes. then i saw a policeman walk into my work i went up to him and asked him if he would know anything about my husband if he can find out anything for me he looked at me and asked for my husbands name i gave it to him then he asked me what my name was then he said to follow him we went to a back office at work then him and a nother man was there and they told me my husband was in a fatal accident and he passed away i couldnt beleive what i just hurd it tore my heart apart i had to go home and tell my 6 children that they no longer have a father i didnt know how i was going to do that i cryed all the way home when i got home the kids were all awake waiting for me and i had to tell them we all broke down and cryed. they will no longer have a father and i no longer a husband i was married for 28 years my husband allways would find dimes and pick them up and say that it was a sign that he was going to die in 2010 i wouldnt beleive him he would actually hug me and cry and say god was taking him away. well he died on april 14th 2010 i miss him so much it has beeen such a strugle and i got mad at god and said why why so many times i say it is unfair i loved him so much we had so many kids together why did he get taken away and break so many hearts.

I feel like I could have written your story! My husband died Dec 4 - a veteran , after years of ICU trips, hospitalizations and fighting a huge battle-cancer that lead to kidney disease. He had frequently said, I won't live past 65,,,,he died two weeks after his birthday. I knew he would die early due to the illness. But at the time things were going good relatively speaking . I have over and over asked God to tell me ,"what lesson are you trying to teach me in all this?" I feel adrift, unanchored . He was my anchor. We were married 34 years. Today is Dec 23rd and it is our 34th anniversary.
I think I understand some of your feelings....