My Heart Is Broken

On December 13, 2008 my husband called me and stated that he saved a dog from getting run over on the interstate.  We work in 2 different states (3 hours away from each other).  He said he would call me after he got her settled, bathed and fed.  I never heard from him again. 

Frantically I called for a day and a half and reached his fellow employees Monday morning.  I asked them to go and check on my husband because I pictured him lying there not breathing anymore.  My intuition was correct as his heart had stopped that Saturday afternoon; after he washed and fed the stray dog. 

Was this animal an angel? brought to him so he would not die alone? I don't know, but would like to think so. 

My misery and despair is immense right now and facing my future without him is unbearable.  This is the most and the worst pain I have ever felt in my life and would not wish it on anyone.  I am a age 47.  I have to keep reminding myself to be strong but this is showing to be most difficult.

I have heard the term "Broken heart" and never really knew what that meant until now.  The stabbing feeling I feel in my heart is genuine and it really does exist! How will I ever make it without my life long partner??  I don't know.....moment by moment I guess.

Zingara37 Zingara37
46-50, F
15 Responses Jan 24, 2009

i want to have a private chat with you

Bless you Zingara . I know your hurt . And I am so very sorry for your loss. Norahslight

My condolences. It is so difficult to lose a soulmate. I too lost my husband on September 30, 2009 from colon cancer. I too am 47. It is so hard to find your life rhythm again when it was so inextricably linked to your husband. A young widow is a difficult role. People do not understand that you are not comforted by discussion of your "next husband". You want the one you lost returned!<br />
Be strong. Time does not heal your pain, it simply makes it more tolerable.<br />
<br />
Be well

My heart sincerely goes out to you. I too know what you're going through, eventhough everyone's grief and pain are truly unique. I pray that you will find the comfort you so desperately need.<br />
<br />
The doctor who was suppose to save my precious Husband or 36 years life, deliberately took it, by draining my Husband's lung too fast. Knowing full well, it would kill my Husband.<br />
<br />
I go to the Cemetery every evening and talk to him and pray for God to allow us to still see each other and still be together, because I know in the deepest part of my soul that we are suppose to still be together and he is suppose to still be here. This was not suppose to happen. We were really suppose to grow old together.<br />
<br />
I wear my Husband's picture engraved in a gold necklace and I wear his wedding ring on another gold chain around my neck. I never take them off. <br />
<br />
I haven't gotten rid of one thing of his, nor have I changed anything in our house. I want everything to stay the way it was when he was still physically here with us.<br />
<br />
If all of this makes me crazy, then I guess that's the way it will be. Time has not made it easier, I know beyond a doubt that he still needs me as much as I need him and that he's working towards that goal as much as I am. Everyone says "You know he wouldn't want you to cry all the time. You know he would want you to move on". My question is..........How do they all know what he wants?????????<br />
<br />
I think that all of the Widows and Widowers on Experience Project should stay together and pray for one another and email each other all the time. I know we will all learn from each other as the days and years move forward, even if we don't want them to.<br />
<br />
I wish you all the very best and sincerely hope your Husbands will come to you all the time, at least in your dreams, because that's the only way I can continue to do all of this and I'm sure you feel the same way.<br />
<br />
God Bless You All

Sorry for your loss. With prayer you will get thru this. I lost my husband when I was 21 & he was 23. He died on Nov. 7th, our little girl turned 3 on Nov. 11th. On Dec.24th I gave birth to our second daughter. Yes, it was very hard but I knew I had to be strong for my girls. What help me a lot was I always thought how would he (my late husband) want me to do and handle this situation. With time the pain will get better. I'm sure your husband wants you to be strong and live your life to the fullest. Have faith things will get better.

I know you`ve gotten a lot of messages of encouragement,and support.<br />
I have a story VERY similiar to yours. <br />
I lost my husband December 6,2008.Of a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK. My husband was only 36.We celebrated our 1st and ONLY Wedding Anniversary Sept.29,2008.He was my LIFE.My best friend, my EVERYTHING. Im lost without him.I STILL cant function without him.We were/are animal lovers too. <br />
You will get through this.I will too.Im told.On here,EP, is VERY supportive people,who can relate,and help.<br />
We are strangers,but we are strangers with something in common.We are here to help eachother I think.Help heal.Talk about our loved one,help their spirit live on.<br />
Animals are put here for a reason, in our lives for a reason.I love animals.Our dog is my reason to live now.She needs me as much as I need her.<br />
Hope we can help.Msg me if you wish. take care.

Honey.....I am so sorry about your loss. I've loved and lost as well. I thought I'd never survive it. The pain is unbearable. But trust me. You will learn to smile again. Maybe a laugh or two will crack. He's looking out for you, and it hurts him to see you hurt as well. Get it all out. We are all here for you. Remember that. My prayers go out to you. And as far as my prior experience, praying works. And I hope you still have the dog as a good remembrance of something your husband truly cared about. If you ever need to reach out, message me.

I am so sorry for your loss. the loss of a beloved one<br />
my prayer is that god give you comfort in your time of need<br />
again iam so sorry. i couldnt immaring loing my dear donald hes my best friend /soul mate /love of my life/ husband

I received a call from the Coroner yesterday. The results from the medical examiner toxicology report are in. The cause of death was Hypertension Acute Atrioventricular Disease. In other words, my husband's blood pressure spiked and caused a sudden death heart attack due to the 80% blockage of the left ventricle. He never had any symptoms or warnings...just happened suddenly. only took 9 weeks to close this chapter, but at least I know now that it was fast and pain free. I am not saying that this makes the grief any easier but it gives me peace of mind that he did not suffer. I am the one left behind suffering.

I have been without my husband now for almost 2 years and I have to agree totally with lorraine. I have even been given a new chance to feel love again for someone, but still I have these huge crushing waves sweep in on me that threaten to engulf me. It doesn't seem to matter where you are or what you are doing. <br />
I have been in the middle of a party with friends of mine and be happy and laughing, when all of a sudden a thought will creep in and I turn into a puddle of tears. <br />
<br />
Life goes on even it you don't want to. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. <br />
This is the best therapy I have found for me. I am glad to see others have to. Enjoy your lives and strive for life. It's what our loved ones want us to do.

Debbie, I am so so sorry. It has not gotten any easier for me yet so I am not going to even tell you that it will. I think it is way too soon for us to even speculate on that. There have been some really supportive people on this site since I joined so maybe you can also find some comfort here. <br />
<br />
Everyone tells me that it will get better with time, so there must be some truth to what they are saying. I just don't feel it yet. You are welcome to message me anytime you need me. I will do what I can to help, I KNOW the pain you are feeling.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I just lost my husband of 19 years on Jan 11, 2009. He had a heart attack on Dec 20, 2008. I'm also in my mid 40's. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man to have saved a dogs life, my husband would have done the same thing. I'm heart broken too and never really knew the meaning of heart broken until this happened. I tell myself I just have to get through one minute at a time, one day at a time. I'm going to try a support group, I really don't know what to do or how to move forward.

Grieving comes in waves.....overwhelms us one day....or as they say.....several days attack us at once......then there is a peace like after the storm.....then it may roll in again.......and again.......and again......<br />
<br />
best to go with the flow, dont fight it.<br />
<br />
Do remember that our loved ones are aware of our pain and dont want us to suffer, because they are very happy basking in the LOVE which is on the other side.<br />
<br />
I'm not just sprouting words here.....I did end up over there for a brief time when surgery went very wrong one time.<br />
<br />
I'd go back in an instant !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
<br />
Remember we all have friends and family over there to welcome us when it is our turn to go HOME

I am so sorry for your loss. I have the same feeling, and this has been very ruff. Every day I miss her and I wish she was here, If I try I can actually see her in our home where she use to hang out. I feel like you do and how life goes on I am not sure. I have been given a lot of advice, but I am not sure what works. I am trying to place this in perspective! From reading lots of material they say greaving is the proper way of healing. They say everyone is different this way on how long this will be, all I know is I am still trying to heal. Please comment, Maybe we all can help each other here!

Im sorry you had to lose him especially when you werent able to be ther with him, I too am a widdow at 41 my husband died last year. He was my soul mate, and I thought we would grow old together. you arn't alone there are several of us on here arround the same age that are widdows. It hurts and I know the exact stabbing in my heart that you speek of. and yes moment by moment is the only way I guess thats how ive been doing it too. Beth