I Am Recently Widowed

I lost the love of my life - my true soulmate - the man I've been waiting my whole life for.  He passed away suddenly with a blood clot which apparently had travelled from his leg to his lungs.  The hospital he was in (I live on the Gold Coast in Australia) discharged him after only one day - he went into cardiac arrest in the foyer of the hospital as he was coming home.  It was New Years Eve and all he wanted to do was to go out somewhere and see some fireworks, but sense prevailed with me and I told him we would just have a quiet night at home and watch the tele and cuddle on the lounge.  I thought he should be still taking it easy and I wasn't sure why the hospital was discharging him so soon.  I can remember being parked outside the hospital waiting for him to come out and getting annoyed (it was so hot and I was getting in everyones road as they were picking up and dropping off patients) that he hadn't appeared.  I kept thinking he had been held up somewhere along the way.  I rang his phone continuously until someone finally answered - a doctor who was one of the team trying to revive him.  From that moment on my nightmare has begun.  He never regained consciousness so I never got to say goodbye to him.  I miss him so much and I just don't want to be without him.  He has now been gone for two months and I think as the days go on I feel worse.  I think the initial shock has now been replaced by grief.  I can't sleep and struggle to get up out of bed everyday.  Everything is just too much of an effort.  I know my friends mean well, but if I hear one more person say - you'll be right - I think I'm going to scream.



Darlo Darlo
8 Responses Feb 23, 2009

Hi Linda, I just read your post it abt a year and a half later so I hope you have mended at least a little. My heart goes out to you. I am sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers. Remember the good memories and let them comfort you. I know still your mind body and soul must still quake and the memories. But look to the heavens he is still with you and hears you.

I must agree the pain is hard. It hurts so bad some days you physicially ache. I don't know what the next step is in this process but I wish it would hurry.<br />
I feel your pain and know your loss is great. My prayers are with you in the comming weeks.

Linda, I am so sorry for your loss and I know exactly what you are going through. My husband of 22 years died suddenly at work. I talked (via cell phone) to him 15 minutes before he died and he was "good". 2 hours later the hospital called to tell me that he had died because (in laymens terms) his heart exploded. They were keeping his body going with machines because he was an organ donor but still needed my permission. It was all so cold. That was in May 2006 and it still feels like yesterday. <br />
All I can say is to just take this one day at a time and at least for me sometimes it is minute by minute. May God keep you in the palm of His hand.<br />

Oh Linda...<br />
<br />
I am so very sorry for your loss! And I mean this from the bottom of my heart. <br />
I had spent my whole life with my cousin, so much so I am closer to her than my own sister. She dated her high school sweetheart until they grew up..and he was her fiancee! <br />
On the night of his sister's wedding reception..he began to not be able to breathe. Once rushed to the hospital..he died..on the pavement outside the doors..and my cousin was left to preform CPR on him..because they were not able to LIFT him alone and had to wait for EMT's.<br />
I still to this day..remember seeing her the first time..after Mike was gone. She sat, wearing his suit jacket, motionless..like a zombie, her eyes red..her face ..just blank. And then our eyes met. In that instant I swear I was able to feel her pain so deep it took my breathe away! She had lost the only man she had ever been with or loved. <br />
Once the funeral was over..and she had to get her life back on track. She was just..confused is the only way to put it. She kept talking about him as if he were still there..she was at his grave every day. She cried. She drank..she tried everything to kill the pain. She lived with us for awhile. And I remember her telling me..how she felt like everyone thought she should just be able to move on..forget about it..about him..their love. I told her this..which is what my Grandma ( a widow) said to me "Nobody but anybody who has been through this will understand or accept it. You need to heal, to deal..to move on at your own pace. And for some people that never happens!" My Grandma btw..has been without her husband for almost 40 years..and has never been with another man..PERIOD! <br />
<br />
Darling..this is your life..you will handle what you can..do what you want..and feel how you feel! Don't ever ever let anyone tell you different. But please..don't let this keep you down. Mourn your love..treasure your love..but don't let loosing it..hurt you sweetie.<br />
<br />
If you ever need a shoulder to cry on..or an ear to talk to..please let me know!

if i may, i would like to ask you a few questions reguarding your relationship. this in no way going to make it better but may distract you (which helps) and help me understand how a true relationship works. if interested let me know. i am curious. i do wish you peace and sleep. both of which are i am sure rare comodities.

Type your comment here...

I do not know what to say to you but I feel for you.This is something I have never got over in my life.

Hi Linda, so sorry to hear of your loss. Must be so hard losing your soulmate. Take care,will pray for you.