Recently Widowed - Merry Christmas

C hristmas was a GREAT DAY this year!!  We spent time with our four children, four grandchildren and other relatives.  It was Christmas as usual except we did not go out to dinner.  Normally we eat out every year and this year we decided not to do that......can't remember the reason.  Just as well becasue my husband, Carson, was sick.  He laid in bed for about 6 hours with cold symptoms.  He was up for the fun stuff though.  He watched as the grandchildren opened their presents.  He exchanged gifts and even made fun with the video camera.  It was a great day. 


The next day he went to work.  He came home around 10 am saying that he still wasn't feeling good.  I work nights so we laid down to nap.  He got up hours before me, watched a movie with the kids, fixed dinner, ate then woke me up.  I went in the kitchen, was talking to the kids when he came in and said that he still wasn't feeling good.  He had some antibiotics left from 2 months prior and I suggested that he take one that maybe it would help with the cold.  He did and within 10 minutes he had an allergic reaction.  He was gone.

How did we get from enjoying Christmas with the children to dead in less than 24 hours?  What happened?

The grief from the event has captured 80% of my life.  Some how I manage to pull it together to work 36 hours on the weekend but then the whole week when I'm off I'm back to "Where is Carson?"  I sometimes feel like he will walk through the door at any moment.  That he is out doing something and he'll be home soon.  I know that is not true but it hurts so much to say that he will never be back.

I've been told that "Life goes on" and that I should "cope" and try to focus but I can't.  It's way too hard.

widowess widowess
41-45, F
3 Responses Feb 26, 2009

i under stand how u feel i lost my husband sudden on holiday 1st augs 2009 i have twin boys at home with me an 4 other grown up childre left home i see them every day but i have my husband on my mind 24 7 it does get easier but only just not that i want to forget him i will never let go we needed each other so much god bless u an your family

i too dont understand why things fast! and i dont know when are "we" supposed to feel better?/ When do we stop wonderfng if we are living in a nightmare just waiting to wake up? My husband died on march 15 and today, easter , was not a good day at all. When will a good day come again? I do have 3 children a nd a new grandson who was born 2 weeks before his namesake left us. My heart breaks for you because there are NO words!

It is hard, and it's a long road; thank you for sharing your story, widowess, you'll find many more here. I haven't seen any that buy into the "shake it off, get back on your feet" advice that many offer who don't know what they're talking about. <br />
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As painful as the day after was, surely it was good that you and the children have that last Christmas Day to remember? Last holiday season was my first alone in a long time -- the kids did their drive-by visiting, but the spirit has faded in this house. <br />
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Hope next Christmas season will be brighter for all of us!<br />
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In the meantime, we're all walking our own road, but we're side by side with you. When you can, share your stories -- and read ours. Wishing you peace --