Young Widow

I met my 2nd husband in 1993. We were both living and travelling  on boats in the med area. Despite being  already married with a young daughter, I fell hopelessly in love . 

We returned to the uk in 1995. We married and had 2 lovely boys. I settled into life ashore, playgroup, part time job, nice house etc. my husband however found it hard to settle to normality. He worked in the local pub and over time began to drink more and more. He gradually slid into a deep depression.... there were several reasons for this which i wont go into here. We tried to get him help. ... but the help when it came was too late and never enough.

We split up which added to his depression,,,, i couldnt have him drinking and being around the children.  After several failed suicide attempts and hospitalisation... he finally suceeded in ending his suffering in feb last year... on my birthday.

Im now raising our sons with the help of my daughter who is 19. its been a tremendously difficult year for us all.   But we are getting there. We live in a small  village with a big community spirit and have the support of many. The boys have accepted thier fathers death and are moving forwards steadily.

Ive recieved a great deal of support from people on a website similar to this one... (if im allowed to post a link to it, i will). we continue to make progress.

cornishchick cornishchick
41-45, F
16 Responses Aug 15, 2007

Sorry for your loss but this may help. My wife and I just ordered dating in August of 97. A few weeks after we started dating my wife said I have something to tell you that it may scare you away. Your father is here with us and she told me just what he looked like and the closing wiring. But my dad passed in 1980 . My wife had never seen a picture of him with yet. She was able tell me the kind of close he was wearing and that he was a big man which he was. I skip ahead a few years. We were getting ready on Saturday morning to go meet my stepbrother for the first time. While I was getting dressed. My coffeemaker would go on, I would shut it off, it would go back on after three times unplugged. Now the hall light would go on I would shut it off after three times It stopped. It was because my dad was so excited to going to meet my brother for the first time I knew about them since I was eight years old. But my mom made me promise to never tell my dad I knew about him. The meeting went great, but that's another story.<br />
Now, my wife passed in November of 05. She promised me a few years before she, if anything ever happened to her first. She would find a way to get back in touch with me. I don't have the ability to see or talk to the spirits like she did. But I can feel when she is around or different ones. Like when my wife is around. I feel a chill through my whole body. Even though it's not cold. She's here with me now while I'm writing this. If I get a chill in one or sometimes both my legs. I found out it meant that one of my dogs or both of my dogs were here with me. I'm sure that your husband would want to move on. When you're ready to. I'm also sure that there is a way that you can communicate with them. If you're not already doing that now.<br />
There was a show on TV. The ion channel the name of the show is the Ghost Whisperer. It's kind of, once explained to me what she still in the spirits are there with its. We also watched John Edwards when he was on some people may say that stuff is ridiculous. I know it's real but everyone is entitled to their own opinion. My son has the same power of being able talk to the spirits but he suppresses it cozies he's scared of it. So he says it's not real. There is so much more that I can tell you that has happened to me, and if you would like to know all you have to do is ask. I wish you all a walk in the world and I do believe that your husband is there with you and trying to talk to you. So you just need to listen keep an open mind.<br />
Just send me a message it is anything you need to know that I could possibly help you with. Have a great life I take care of his son. Like I know he would want you to do.<br />
Good luck

I have read your story and i am going through the exact same thing! My husband took his life 8 mths ago and i wll be forever changed! I promised myself to tell my story of my husband and i for however long it takes me! I have started a blog doing that exact thing and i will write in it everyday until my story is told! This is my new mission and a hopefully a healing step for me.<br />
<br />
My heart goes out to you!<br />
<br />
Here is the link to my blog. I hope you will read it every day as i share my life story with a wonderful man. We would have also celebrated our 10th anniversary this year. <br />
<br />
my life as a young widow

Our Life and married experiences and circumstances are all varied and different. But there is the common thread that ties us together--the love we had for our spouses and the feelings of helplessness at times we felt while they were still alive and struggling with the issues of life, and the hopelessness we felt, when they finally succumbed to the truthful reality of "til death do us part!" <br />
My heart goes out to you today as I read your own account. I too am happy that you can find your way, despite what has happened for your sake and for the sake of your children to move forward!<br />
God Bless you all!<br />
David

I am a young widow too...widowed 3 years ago at 36..So sorry to hear what you have been through but also happy to hear that you have support around you....Kind thoughts , KJ

Oh goahead I wont to reach through screen and hug you .I have finnally gotten hear .we connect so much hear goes my mom was a drinker ,even I did after the kids left I so thankful for this site never did I think I could say all this, But Jesus chose to save me and Im so Blessed to have meet someone like you. You are a strong lady and your daughtor will be a wonderful woman I will pray things get easyer everday for you o.k rw

I recently lost my wife last month. She too had deep depression and drank to calm her nerves. I tried everything I could to help her and even stopped drinking to show her another side. We struggled at times, but I loved her with all my heart! In our past she tried to commit suicide, but I was able to rescue her in time after she stopped breathing. Afterwards when I brought her back from the hospital she stated she would never try this again, because of all the pain she caused to me and her children. I truely believed this in her. This time when she stopped breathing I was there again, her last breath was in my arms on Christmas Morning. I believe this was medical related, due to blood pressure change that caused her fluids to drain, but I will always wonder. My wife was young, beautiful, and very intelligent and she should have lived for a long time. She suffered from deep depression all of her life and we never could get this under control. I feel for all people that suffer this mental health disorder.

I too lost my husband to suicide after several failed attempts and hospitalizations. I commend your courage. I stay strong for my youngest daughter (step-daughter) and she stays strong for me. She is incredibly resilient and I have learned a lot from her, believe it or not. At 11, she understands that her dad was sick (severe, rapid-cycling Bi-Polar disorder). We both miss him so much. He has left a whole in our community as he was loved by so many. I have gotten over my anger and resentment for leaving us the way he did and just pray that he is finally at peace. Good luck and God Bless.

Dear Raibeart. my heart aches for you, for finding and losing the love of your life before you had the chance to spend some time with her. yesterday would have been the 10th anniversary of our marriage, i have all those years to look back upon and be thankfull for. good luck in your chosen quest. if someone is saved the heartache of what we've been through, then their life has not been totally in vain. best wishes to you x

My first love was raped and murdered a month to the day after she and I became engaged. Though we never had the chance tae marry I understand the deep loss, and after her death I made a vow and also dedicated my sword tae the purpose of protecting other women fra rape. I even trained as a Rape Prevention Instructor. Loss of a spouse is truly loss of a part of ainself. It is as if a part o yer very soul dies with them. But find some guid and posative thing tae do tae keep the memories alive.

I also am a widow, not a young one, but at a loss none the less. It's good to talk with others who understand. xxx

Thankyou for your kind comment. <br />
we will , as always, continue to move forwards in our journey of recovery.

Thank you for sharing your story--- it is so touching. I hope you and your family continue to heal from the emotional trauma of that process and also move on as it seems you are trying to do. My thoughts are with you....