I Thought I Was Prepared

My husband passed away on December 11, 2008 at the age of 33.  He had been struggling with colon cancer for almost two years, so when it got close to the end I thought i was ready.  And i was ok for awhile.  I had lost my mother so i knew the routine.  Now three months later, and I feel like a train hit me.  I go from crying to wanting to cut someone's throat (not literally).  I'm angry at him for leaving me, for not listening to the doctors, for not wanting to live.  And i'm so sad that he's gone.  I had no idea i would miss him this much.  He was everything to me. 

porschegirl828 porschegirl828
31-35
4 Responses Mar 8, 2009

I lost my husband March 4, 2009 from pancreatic cancer. The last week of his life keeps playing in my mind and sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm in shock -- I can't get off the couch and I'm empty, so very empty. I keep praying and reading about grief and how this is suppose to play out, this is fresh I know, but I can't stand the pain anymore... I want this hollow, pit where my heart once was fixed.... Will this get better? I've had a lot of losses in the past 2 years of friends and family that I loved, but this pain awful....

I lost my husband on Dec. 30, 2008. He also had cancer that had spread to his colon. I feel for your loss. Be kind to yourself and give your self time to grieve. This loss is different from your mom but just as painful so if you can cry your eyes out and beware of where and why you are angry it will help you. We can never be prepared for losing a loved one so take care of yourself and give your self time to heal.

You know the motions to go through. But not the emotions that you would go through. It's ok to feel mad,sad, and ok to cry. That is all part of healing. It takes time. Just keep trying to move forward a little at a time. You will feel better. I wish you all the best.<br />
Good Luck Many Blessings to you

u can never be prepared for something like that, Its okay to be mad sad or crazy an I wish u the best