I Don't Want to Go On Without Him

Hal and I met during college. He had just returned from Korea. We were madly in love then and madly in love the day he died. Jan 25, 2006.We were married for 49.5 years.  We had a son and a daughter. He was my life. We were soul mates. He died from cancer that was diagnosed only 3 monhts before he died. He had no symptoms. We did everything together.  The hardest part for me is that both my grown children ignore me since their dad died. Our daughter teaches school and claims she is too busy. Our son and his wife moved to TX after his Dad died. I try to go on living but to be honest I don't want to. I wish I could die at this moment. I go to church but come home alone. I love in the country and have no close neighbors. Say a prayer for me as I don't know what I might do to myself.  I have never been alone in my life.  I grew upin a large family. Thank you for reading this

MollieH MollieH
5 Responses Mar 20, 2009

Don't sign off then, just enter your password and have it saved so all you have to do is refresh it each time and poof! You are with your online friends who know what you are going through and are here to help you! Perhaps you should ask your pastor if he knows of someone who needs a home and can be a companion to you. Don't be afraid or embarrassed, that is what the church is there for...........to help! " Ask and you shall receive". I am here too....just reach out............sleep well dear lady.

I failed to mention in my blog that I am vision impaired. However, I can still drive only in familirar places. I do go to church and often volunteer. However, it's when I come home I'm still alone. I'm thinking of asking my pastor if he knows of anyone in my age bracket (60-70) that needs a good home. I simply cannot be alone. It's like a curse! And I had to stop going to the cemetery because it upset me even more. I have one lady friend but she is sick a lot. Thanks you so much for your warm replies. I'm learning how to write short stories. <br />
This site is new to me, so I don't know how to get back on it agan once I sign off. God be with you friends. Now I think I can sleep well.

My dear soul...we are here, remember to reach out and let us guide you, give you strength and our love. Let our wings carry your burdens, lift you up above life's problems, your everyday cares. Let our light shine upon your face and fill your body so that you have the inner strength to deal with problems when they come. When you fill yourself with this energy you have the courage to stand tall. Life is not easy for many, we are happy to reach out and give if only you would open your hearts to let us enter. Let our light shine in your life and let it filter out in your daily life. Let our light shine on those you meet that are in need, share our love with those who may not seem lovable. Our light must shine into very dark corner, illuminating and opening the eyes of those who cannot see. We will not falter in our duty to light every dark alley, every shadow that arises. Take this light, lift it high and illuminate your corner..soon darkness will have no place to hide love shines through, take up your candle, light it and shine! We all have a responsibility to show we care, to reach out. A smile will illuminate a small dark corner, a hand outreached to someone who needs love will cause the dark shadows to lift. Allow our light to fill your body and let it shine!

I am sorry that you are going through a hard time. If I could reach out far enough to give you a hug, console you, or just watch a chick flick and forget for a while - I would.<br />
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Have you ever heard of a book called: He gathers your tears by Phylis Moore? I have heard it is a good book...maybe one for you to read.

Please try and get some help. I also have lost my husband and do know the pain and the loneliness. I am so sorry that your children are so selfish that they cannot understand your plight. I have a son who tries to be helpful, but honestly they really can't help us as they do not understand what we are going through! Do you belong to a church? Try to go and talk with someone.............do not stay alone at the present time. Contact me anytime and I will make myself available to you. You are not alone. I lost my husband seven months ago and still feel as though I am losing my mind. I spend all my spare time at the cemetery just sitting there talking with him. <br />
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If you believe in "The Afterlife"You must not harm yourself for it is a sin against He who made you".