Recent Widow

I became a widow on Wednesday 18th March 09.  I was married for 34 years.  I have lost my very best friend and the person who gave me so much love.  I am so upset I cannot explain how I am feeling.  No one has ever loved me as much as he did.  I still have the funeral to face.  Each day seems harder I cannot stop crying.  I wish I could wake up and he would be laying next to me and all of the pain that I am feeling would become a nightmare.  My husband died of cancer.  The last few weeks have been awful, he was in so much pain, he lost all mobility and independence, we could not talk as he was short of breath and very sleepy.  I know he was suffering badly and now he is no longer suffering.  I loved him so much. so very much.


Lecturer Lecturer
51-55, F
4 Responses Mar 22, 2009

When my wife died 2 years ago aged 44 I could not believe it one time about a month after she died when I became aware that I was lying on the floor beating the carpet with my fists. I also realised that I had been wailing and screaming and suddenly worried that someone might think there was a murder being committed ! That made me suddenly stop and I was a little frightened about how I had lost control. I do not remember how I came to be there or for how long. But when I think about it now good grief how massive is the death of your loved one ? Its so big its incomprehensible and so you scream. Fair enough.<br />
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I can't claim to understand all your personal feelings of pain but I hope in some small way by letting you know my experience that might help you. In answer to the question what do you for that kind of pain what I did was think would she have wanted me to be in pain and I concluded she would not. That helped me although frankly I am still hurting. Sometimes a cry and a wail helps me still. Sometimes I talk to her. I say goodnight to her every night and I am sure some people would think that daft but I don't care. I sometimes ask her to come home. I believe in the infinite possibility of chance and that one day she will actually come through the front door. I do understand that is a long shot ! I miss my wife still and I love her and I know I always will. Our lovely kids help me and we stick together like glue. I see a counsellor and that helps me. Good luck to you all.

Your story is mine. My dear husband died on the 20th after 18 years. The memorial is tomorrow and his friends are trying to take it over. I don't just cry, I scream. It's 3:30 am and I'm screaming. I'm wearing his bathrobe, holding his sweatshirt and screaming as I type. What do you do for this kind of pain?

I am so sorry to hear of your loss (((HUGS)))

I am very sorry for your loss. I know every pain you are feelling... I lost my husband to cancer on 3/4/09... We were together for 14 years and he was my everything too. I cry everyday, its the only way I can get up and get going. Its the only way to heal, its the only way to let out your pain. So please don't feel that you have to stop... Its going to take time and after my husbands funeral I was literally in a fog for weeks... <br />
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You are not alone in your pain as we are all feeling the same thing you are... You need not take this journey alone. Please feel free to email me if you need to chat as I will be here for you.