I lost my beloved husband on the 28th January 2009, we were in our 30th year of marriage.  I have no children.  We had recently moved to Lincs. and I have no friends or relatives nearby.  Nearest is 150 miles away.  The days are so long.  I sleep no more than 4 hours. I feel like throwing in the towel - cant seem to see any future at all.  Nothing is worthwhile anymore.  People say 'it will get better', 'why not get a dog' etc.  I have booked a holiday but am dreading it.  I go out and end up where the car takes me - worst bit is I know I have got to return home. Already dreading certain dates like his birthday (just over a week away), anniversary, christmas etc.  I say thank goodness he is no longer suffering.  But the questions - why, if only.  He was misdiagnosed and I can't face the doctor, I feel so cross with him.  I need to see a doctor and am waiting for the doctor to go on holiday so that I can see the locum who thankfully helped my husband.  Will life get any better?  I really could do with a friend.

dollypolly dollypolly
6 Responses Mar 23, 2009

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and the comments from others. My husband passed away suddenly on June 28, 2008 at my daughters in the St. Louis area...our home state. He was sitting on the couch waiting for all of us to getting to go out to breakfast. As I walked down the stairs...I was talking to him..his back was to me ..I walked around to give him a kiss good morning...and....... an image now that I can not get out of my mind. We were married for nearly 54 years and we were high school sweethearts and my first love. On Saturday it will be eight months since his death. I honestly can't say at this point it gets much better. It is 2 AM and here I am on the computer searching to see how other widows cope with the loss of their love one. I found this site and hope I can find some comfort in reading what other widow are feeling and how they cope with the loss of their husbands. I am thinking about getting a job just to feel a purpose in my life again. <br />
I have attended a GRIEFSHARE session that my church held. Honestly, I can't say if it helped me or not but it did put in contact with other people who had loss a spouse. I think for a while I was completely numb from the paper work that needed to be done before the end of the year. I found it extremely difficult to go to church much less sing in the choir. A fellow choir member offered to go with me the first time I returned to choir practice....this was a giant step for me. My choir family is such a tremendous support group....several widows in the group. When I think about my experience in returning to choir I have improved much. I would just get so emotional sometimes I would just have to leave. I am now singing in the choir and for the most part able to put on the wonderful mask we all wear. <br />
<br />
I am so happy that I found this forum .... it is comforting to know that I am not alone. I realized I am blessed with my son living a few house down the street from me with three wonderful grandchildren.<br />
<br />
I agree with the comment that our husbands would like to see us in such agony..but it is so difficult and painful not to have him anymore. I find tremendous comfort in walking each day and find that walking provides me a time to meditate. I liked the comment made about the cocoon of silence. <br />
<br />
I don't know if I can be of any help to anyone out there but will be happy to try. I have cried rivers of tears and keep having many sleepless nights. One thing I am trying to do daily is concentrate on things I am grateful for.....one being the I can surf the internet and find some comfort in reading about how others are facing their loss. <br />
<br />
I have read about the different stages of grief. I have questions about the stages. Does anyone out there have questions as well?<br />
<br />
If I can give support to anyone please comment.

Thank you all so much. I was beginning to think I was the only person in the world that was grieving! I still can't see a future without my beloved - don't want to! If only I could get some sleep and stop crying. I think a club for widows is a great idea - all people like us want is to be able to mix with other people and perhaps have a cuppa and something to eat. Anyone about in Lincolnshire? At the moment its me. me, me - that is bad - I know I should be aiding other people - I want to - but how? None of our husbands would like to see us like this they worked hard to provide for us and would want us to carryon leading a pleasant life - we all know this - but the big questions are how, and when and not if only! Bless you all you are a great comfort. xx

It is all true. Our lives has changed beyond belief. I lost my husband more than 11 months ago unexpectedly. I am not even working. All I do all day is stirring at the wall. Let us believe time is a great healer. <br />
I agree we are dropped at the deep end and do not know how to swim.<br />
I wish we widows could meet and talk.

Dear Lady,<br />
<br />
I am so sorry for your loss and I really do understand you as I lost my beloved seven months ago. I am still in the same place as you are right now with my grief! I came home from work on Friday and did not even want to see anyone until I was forced to go back to work t his morning. The cocoon of silence is what I treasure right now. I have a son and A friend and even though try as they do cannot understand my pain. All of our mutual friends have conveniently disappeared and I have come to terms with that. Who are they when the only one that I long for is my soul mate in every regard?<br />
<br />
What I am trying to say here is that people really do not help. We are really left to find our "New Normal" whatever that is supposed to be. We have been thrown in from the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim.<br />
<br />
If you need me I am here for you, though. I am just trying to survive knowing that my life and your life is changed forever; it will never be the same no matter what people try to tell you.

Thank you for commenting on my story. Your friend is very fortunate that she has a close at hand friend. It is now Monday evening and I have not spoken to or seen anyone since last Friday! I feel as though I am going mad - today I thought I heard my husband call my name - is he still around me? I am not a religous person but I do try to be a 'Christian in my actions to others'.

I am not a widow and I can't imagine and don't want to. <br />
I have been married 24 years. My best friend however is a widow. She lost her husband in November. It was a dune buggy accident and she is only 55. We plan outings on important dates or she comes to our house. She too has no children but does have dogs. <br />
I don't know if I can be of any comfort but here if you need to talk. I don't know if you are a religous person but have faith and you are never alone