Lonely

I am so lonely without my husband.  We would have been together 13 yrs & married 5 yrs on feb 21st.

We have a now 4 yrs old child.  I am raising her without him. She tells me everyday how she misses her daddy.  My husband died on nov 20, 2008 from aspiration pneumonia.  He was going for radiation beam treatment on his hip and his health was failing.  If you would have saw how my husband was doing so good at the end of sept, you would be in shock he is gone.  I am 34 yrs old, living everyday without him around, but he is on my mind and in my heart!

  I cant believe he is gone! On nov 19th at 4 am i was sleeping on the couch in his hospital room, he was coughing a lot that night, I would wake to check on him, the nurse comes in the give him his pills and he vomits everything up within 1 min.  I was so scared he wasn't breathing. They finally did an xray after me and my husband telling them for mos, he couldn't breath right, eat, swallow, was spitting blood ect.  I had to go home around 6 pm on the 19th to be with our child and his brother went to stay with him.  I went to bed at 11 pm on the 19th and woke up to such terrible pain where my husband was having pain.  This happened 3 times that night.  At 10:30 am on the 20 of nov, my sister came into my room and said i should get on the phone, its about my husband.  I said, "hello?" It was his brother on the other end, he said, " You have to come to the hospital now because hes going to die today!"  I fell to the floor!   I got up to the hospital and stayed with him until the last breath he took.   I sent everyone out the room around 5:12 pm so i could have my time with my husband, he was now in a comma and receiving a lot of morphine.  I crawled in bed with him, put his arms around me and i put my arms around him and held tight, and laid talking to him.  I let him know i would take care of our lil one and we will be ok.  I talked a lot to him and i know he heard me.  I finally got up after talking for about 15 mins and went to call someone, i was talking to him still.  I was making the call and my husband turned his head and looked at me with his eyes open, but it happened so fast.  I said, Hun, I'm over here.  I got up and my husband wasn't breathing the way he was before our "talk".   I looked at him and looked at him and he wasn't breathing.  I ran out to the hall and got the nurses.  They pronounced him dead at 5:37 pm.

Oh how i miss this man!  Everyone wanted a relationship like ours and they always asked how we got to be like this.  To this day, i am wishing i could hear his voice tell me hes ok and what to do better.

I'm sorry this is so long and rambling, i just have so much going through my head all the time.  Thanks for reading my story.  I will not be having any other man until my dd is married and out the house.

lml11202008 lml11202008
31-35
7 Responses Mar 26, 2009

Well at least you got that peacefull moment with your hubby and I know he heard you. Some of us werent that lucky

Well at least you got that peacefull moment with your hubby and I know he heard you. Some of us werent that lucky

i feel u pain i was with my husband for 29 years i would give anythimg just to hold his hands again he died on march 8 2012 heartattack the pain sometimes become unbearable when u have kids it really hurts

I understand exactly! I lost my husband on May 4th 2011. He was my Best Friend and an outstanding Father to our two girls. It is painful how much I miss him everyday and will for the rest of my life. <br />
He was only 52 years old. Way to young to die. My Heart goes out to you. I like you,I very much enjoyed being married and being a couple. I make it through the day I don't know how but I do. I hope and pray to see him again someday.

I LOST MY HUSBAND ON MAY 30 2010 TO HEART DISEASE HE WAS ONLY 36. WE HAVE 2 CHILDREN A 4 YEAR OLD SON AND 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 10 YEARS HAD HE MADE IT TO JUNE 16TH. WE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE 15. HE WAS MY EVERYTHING. MY BEST FRIEND ,CONFIDANT ,LOVER, PROTECTOR ETC... I MISS HIM DAILY I AM SO LONELY. I WILL NEVER DATE OR MARRY AGAIN. I FEEL HIS PRESENCE , HIS FACE EVEN APPEARED IN A PICTURE WITH OUR CHILDREN AFTER I SAID A PRAYER ASKING GOD FOR CONFIRMATION. I GO TO THE CEMETERY ABOUT 4TO 6 TIMES A MONTH CAUSE IT IS STILL HARD TO ACCEPT. I WAKE UP DAILY JUST KNOWING HE WILL BE HERE. I QUESTION GOD ALL THE TIME . I KNOW YOU DO NOT SUPPOSE TO, BUT I FEEL HE UNDERSTANDS CAUSE WE ARE HUMAN AND HE MADE US. I SOMETIMES WONDER IF THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH AND HOW COULD GOD BE SO CRUEL TO TAKE SOMEONE SO DEAR , I THOUGHT GOD WAS A MERCIFUL GOD. I AM LOSING FAITH. THIS IS THE DEVILS WORK TO ME. MY SON WILL BE STARTING HIS FIRST YEAR OF SCHOOL AND IT IS HORRIBLE WITHOUT HIS FATHER NOW I AM STUCK WITH RAISING A BOY ON MY OWN AND HIS FATHER IS NEEDED FOR THAT. I PRAY EVERYDAY THAT IF THERE IS A GOD HE WILL BRING HIM BACK TO US IN HIS EARHLY FORM AND LET US DO IT ALL DIFFERENT AND LIVE THE WAY WE SUPPOSE TO LIVE LIKE WE WERE LIVING BEFORE. IT GETS NO BETTER ONLY HARDER TO ME. SO TRUST ME NOBODY KNOWS WHT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH UNLESS THEY EXPERIENCE IT. NO SUPPORT GROUP OR ANYTHING CAN HELP ME. I THOUGHT GOD SUPPOSE TO COMFORT THOSE THAT GRIEVE ESPECIALLY THE WIDOWS WELL I CANNOT TELL CAUSE I DO NOT FEEL COMFORTED AT ALL. IT MAKES YOU WONDER WILL YOU SEE YOUR LOVED ONES AGAIN. IS THERE A AFTERLIFE. I QUESTION IT NOW.

I'm so very sorry. I know that dosn't help..I'm very happy you had something very special with your husband that so many people will never have. The memories, and the good times will be with you forever. You are very lucky, that the life you both had was real and wounderfull, yes, it was cut short however it is something that you will treasure forever. You will make it through this, you hav't to for your 4 year old. You can do this. Your husband is with you, giving you strengh. I wish you the very best, my prayors are with you. Take care!

You aren't rambling. I can't imagine going through this and it moved me to tears. I know life will go on and the world continues, but it sounds so hard to bear. HUGS I wish you the best.