Im a Widow

i became a widow 5/25/07 the day before my son became 18 and 1 week before he graduated high school. how was that for timing. i was married for 27 years and we had 4 children. sons, 23,18,13, dtr 9. almost 2 years and i cant stop crying. its  hard to be the single parent. always the bad guy no matter what. its lonely not to have someone put their arm around you and feel human touch.  i knew it was going to happen. my frank had prostate cancer that metastasized to his bones. thought that his surgery, hormones and radiation helped but guess not. i know he suffered and im sorry about it but so mad that im left here alone. we had more than our shoare of fights together but we stood together and both always said we would not leave our kids because we both lost our fathers-him thru abandonment and my dad thru death when i was 16. people dont get it. divorced single moms dont get it its not the same. went to a support group for a while but 2 many were grieving lost children so tht made it so much harder. wish i could find a group in queens or long island to talk in do you kknow of any. i said a lot for the first time but needed to thanks for reading this whoever you are.

liz4four liz4four
5 Responses Mar 27, 2009

I lost my husband August 2007 to ALS, a terrible disease that as time goes by your lose all muscle strength unable to move parts of your body depending on where this illness begins. He had lost all form of speech, unable to eat normal. Everything happened so fast at the hospital- they were trying to suction stuff in his throat and he started choking. The choking spell took his life in a matter of minutes. I did not get a chance to say goodbye. He just turned his head to look at me and his eyes closed and he stopped moving.<br />
I am still trying to deal with his death, missing him, wishing he could tell me everything will be okay. I have not looked into a support group. I just feel there is so little anyone can say for there no words to fit the loss of my lifetime companion.

I lost my husband in December 2004 and I wanted to die also. I felt that I had lost my identity and had no clue how to start over as a single. My children had left the nest and I was just starting menopause. I had never lived alone in my entire life. All my friends were couples and I felt like I just didn't fit in this world.<br />
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You are not alone.

throughtheclouds really says it like it is.......I agree whole heartedly! I lost my beloved only seven months ago tomorrow. Time only serves as a reminder that they really are gone from this plane, never to return. We are left to find a new normal, I guess that means we are supposed to know how to reinvent ourselves and to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts and go on until it is our turn to pass. It's not what time passes; it's what you do with the time. Raising your children is very important and you really need to throw yourself into it with all you've got. Even if you are the bad guy...........they will know the truth one day........they might not be grateful, but they will know. And it might just give you some happiness in knowing that you did the best that you could for them.

Loosing a spouse is not at all like divorce. <br />
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Soul sick. Angry. Grieving at loosing him & grieving at loosing yourself. The you, you were.<br />
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Hope you find that support group. God bless! <br />

I know how hard it is for you. I have been a widow for 4 and half years. It does get easier to deal with, but it never goes away. You can read my story and see that our Husbands died very differently. Yours over a long period and mine in the bl<x>ink of an eye.<br />
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Unless someone has been thru it, they really don't have a clue what you are going thru. How are your children coping with this? Feel free to contact me if you wish to talk.