I Miss You

I lost the love of my life, my husband, and father of my two amazing boys on February 28, 2009 at 6:48 pm from a massive unexpected and inexplicable deadly heart attack at home.   We were on our way to the boys baseball game.  They worked on him for an hour and they couldn't save him.  We were together 17 years and now he's gone.  How can he be gone?  I still can't believe it.  I relive that day over and over.  Nothing makes sense anymore.  I haven't skipped a beat for my children's sake but I'm just going through the motions.  I long for him every hour of everyday and pray to have him if only in my dreams but I can't even get that.

erg1020 erg1020
2 Responses Apr 24, 2009

I lost my husband of 42 though a heart attack caused by a blood clot. I found him laying on our bed when I got home from work. Later was told he had been up the hospital twice in the day. The morning he was fine, the evening he was dead. I relive the time I found him, and can't get it out of my head either. Died 6th Feb 2009

Sweet lady, I am sorry for your loss. It will be eight months on Tuesday since I lost my beautiful husband and I am as lost today as I was the day that he passed! Time is not a healer it only serves to remind us that our loved one has truly left this plane. Some days are better than others but for the most part, don't let anyone tell you that it gets better with time. We must learn a new normal and when I first heard that ex<x>pression, I had no idea what it meant and sometimes I still don't. I am seeing my therapist on a regular basis and feel most comfortable in the safe cocoon of my home. People don;t really get it even though they try. And I find that about 90% of our mutual friends have long disappeared as I guess I am now considered a single woman again and thus a threat to their bird brains. As if I could even begin to think of any such thing. A huge part of me died along with my love and I am not the same person as I was nor will I ever be again.<br />
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While my note is sad, I am not entirely a depressed person, just one who faces things sober and I know that this is part of "our journey". If you would like to commiserate with me, you are welcome anytime!