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Recently Became A Widow After Ft.hood Incident

My husband and I got married August 22, 2009. We were only married for 2 months when he was murdered at Ft.Hood on November 5, 2009. I miss him so much, I keep questioning my faith, but I just have to hope that he remembers us and is watching over me and the kids. It still feels like a dream, sometimes I even think maybe I died and went to hell, because life without him is hell for me. I have no one to talk to that knows what I'm going through. I need someone to hang out with that is or has gone through it before. I miss him so much it makes me sick.

His family, except for his dad, hates me. They threw a fit about how I planned the funeral and haven't talked to me since. It saddens me that they are being like that, but it also makes me mad that they would dismiss Jason and I's marriage so easily. They want to be in the spotlight and it kills them to think that I am insteaf of them. But, I am not the one taking every single interview I can! It makes me sick!

jennhunt83 jennhunt83 26-30, F 35 Responses Nov 30, 2009

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I am so very sorry for your loss. I remember reading about the shooting at Ft. Hood, and now, just as I did then, I pray for everyone affected by it. I've never lost anyone to a shooting like you did, but my little brother saw a girl at his school get shot in the head, so in a way, I commiserate. I will continue to pray for you, and hope eventually you will find peace of some kind with this. Bless you, and everyone affected by that tragedy.

hun i totally understand what you mean. i lost my wife and two s tep children in the same week. there was so much conflict around the whole event. Be strong young lady. You are not only a widow, but the widow of a hero. Yes you lost the man you love, but he gave you some children. He will live in you through them. It will be hard on you for yrs to come. Im sorry to say. A stolen love heals slowly, but it does heal. it may take years, but the thing to do is to look at those memories, not as moments of loss, but moment in which he made your heart smile. He is still with. He see and hears you. Ask yourself what he would have wanted you to do. he would be sad to see your sadness. As a military man, i know he cared deeply for you or he wouldnt fight for you. He would want you to move on hun. He would want you to find hapiness, to move on. Honor him. Find the happiness again which was stolen from you. so you can move on, and he can rest knowing you are happy again.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I LOST MY HUSBAND 11-21-10 TO COLON CANCER.HE SERVED 21 YRS. IN THE ARMY,SF,DELTA,GREEN BARRET.SARG CREW CHIEF OVER THE BLACKHAWK HELOCOPTERS. WENT ON ALOT OF MISSIONS. HE HAD A FULL MILITARY FUNERAL THAT HE EARN. THE DAY HE TOOK HIS LAST BREATH AT 57,HIS FAMILY HAS NOT SPOKE TO ME. I DID THE FUNERAL,BILL,FLOWERS,DONE IT ALL. I SENT MY PAPERS IN DEC. OF10. THEY HAVE SAID THEY HAVEN'T RECIEVED THEM 4 TIMES AND THAT I DON'T QUALIFY FOR ANY BENEFITS. I CAN'T WORK. ITS BAD ENOUGH I LOST MY HUSBAND OF 11 YRS. AND VA WILL NOT GIVE ME A DIME TO LIVE ON. I DO KNOW YOUR PAIN AND THE LONINESS.IT DON'T GO AWAY. EVERYDAY I PRAY FOR A MIRICAL AND A BLESSING. ITS SAD THIS IS THE WAY A SURVIVING SPOUSE GETS TREATED AFTER ALL THE YRS. HE GAVE TO THIS COUNTRY FOR OUR FREEDOM.

@Hayley, isn't that how it always goes though love, the good die young and the bad just go on forever. What gets me through the day is thinking maybe God needed Jason for something. Maybe there was something he was good at that God needed and he's up there working for the master. Idk but it helps.

Thank you for all your kind words and such.



@Acores, I would move if I were you. Idk if you have felt your husband's presence at your home but if so, that will not change if you move. I went through the same problem, mine didn't die at home though. It just hurt to have so many memories play over and over in my head every direction I looked. Too many memories that hurt to much.

Gosh, I am very sorry.

My sympathy goes out to you....I lost my husband 3 weeks after our wedding....very suddenly and unexpectedly, in our bed the morning after my birthday. I don't know if had closure considering they did not do an autopsy because of a medical history of heart problems begining when he was 20 years old. He was 34....they said it sounded like a blood clot got to his lungs. That morning still replays in my head, wondering if i had done something different or quicker...but i can't change that morning now. I read a comment above where someone said "they are not on speaking terms with God" and I can completely understand that. People say your strong when you know you don't feel that way, and that it goes away with time, but i'm not sure it does. I miss him so much, and I am now at a point where I am realizing that I need to move from the house we were renting and where (in my opionion) he died (they pronounced him dead at the hospital).



I am glad I found this site, and see there are others like me out there who have a hard time listening to people tell them to be strong and it will get easier, cuz I sure don't know how it can get easier. Good Luck to you!!

hi my name is hayley, my husband died 7 weeks ago, we were together for 10 happy years, we have 2 childrean aged 6 and 4, i am 26, i cant belive this has happend he died in a car accident nothing to do with my husband, he was traveling to work on the moterway, traveling in the opposite direction to my husband was a coach and a massive hgv lorry, when the coach smashed into the lorry and made the lorry jake knife across 6 lanes and straight into my husband. i am just deverstated the kids are finding it very hard asking for daddy. i cant see how i will get through this. he was my life an amazing husband and a fantastic dad.

This is very difficult, as it is for all wives left behind...I lost Chris on July 22, 2007 to pancreatic cancer...he was diagnosed & passed away within one week...I was in a coma & in the hospital during all this time, so I am left with no closure...Chris & I were married over 30 very happy years

and, of course, I miss him terribly...God & I are not on "speaking terms," as my once strong faith has slipped away from me...



I'm SO sorry for your loss of your soul mate...I'm fairly certain I know your pain...Like you, all we have are memories of him, but they are very important, and they do help heal...I still look for someone that resembles Chris, when I'm out shopping...Stay busy...Don't sit & dwell...Concentrate on yourself, pamper yourself, & take good care of yourself...



The journey to happiness again is long & lonely, at times...My family has been very supportive & I've made lots of new friends, who've also helped me very much...I turned to volunteering in several ways fairly soon after losing Chris, & this helped, too...Almost anything to avoid being alone in my home...Our daughter is grown with a family of her own, so she's fairly committed to their care...I DO have 2 cats, though, who are very good counselors!!



I'm sure you've heard that "time helps/heals..." Everyone is different, but this has been true for me...Maybe so for you, too...



You will be in my thoughts......................

COUNT ON ME IF YOU NEED A FRIEND!

XOXO

hello jennhunt83

iam verry sorry for your lost!

iam not a widow yet but i have lost my mom in a canser just on August 2009 and i also lost my daughter in dec.2000 i now where you comming from missing your husband i could imagen the sadness ur feeling !

BUT one thing i believe he's watching you like an angel !

god knows why this happen but you have to be verry strong for your kids and love them like never before because they need you !

iam realy sorry and godbless you and your family!

Grief is a journey you need to take to get to the other side I hope you have got there now. I will never forget the pain but have learned to live with it. Take care

Hi ,THIS IS AMY FROM PINAS I REAlly touched your stories ,,sorry for your loss ,,i knew how sad i felt when i remembered ,, my husband died 15years ago until now i cant forget him,,i really love him so much yes i cant do anything with out him but becasue of my 3 daughters need my care i can ,,now they all grown up but still remembered him ,,be strong i know GOD helps you stayed in your side,,,amy

I lost my husband of a year and a half at Ft. Hood in 1999. We were high school sweethearts and he was my best friend. That same week we found out that we were having a baby. We couldn't have been more thrilled and excited and terrified! :) Three days later, I got "the knock at the door". He was late for dinner and when I looked through the peephole to see his C.O. and the Chaplain... I knew exactly why they were there. I didn't want to open the door.

I can't believe it's been 11 years. Nothing will ever be the same. But life has to go on. You trudge through it as best you can and try to make your babies happy. My son is ten years old now. It breaks my heart that he never met (my) Jason- but I see him in James every day. I miss him still. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. My in-laws put me through the ringer too, and we're no longer in contact with them. I know they were as devastated as I was and everyone has their own ways of coping... You will be ok. I promise.

I am sorry for your loss, and I do uderstand so much of what you are going through. My husband and I were married on Aug 22, 1992...our last anniversary was literally our last. He was one of the 6 people who died in the Power Plant explosion on Feb 7. in Ct. he had lost his job, and took a temp job while the kids and I stayed in MO. I miss him everyday, and feel like I am dreaming all this. I understand the family things, too. His family is not very nice, and NEVER liked me from day one, so when I was taking care of all the funeral details, there was one member of his family trying to run "the show" I have not heard from them since, nor do I care if I ever do. People are strange, and sometimes get stranger as things change in our world..like our loves being taken away...but they are watching over us, and being our guardian angel, now...God will take care of them and all of us, too...Just keep the faith...and know people support you no matter what...just don't waste your lovely energy on people who don't give a damn, and you will get stronger. Surround yourself with the good in people..and good people, and your world will heal with time.

Hi jenn. I read your story and it absolutely broke my heart for you. I was 25 when I lost my husband in 2006 to a car accident which I witnessed. I can relate to your pain on so many different levels, even the trouble with family and friends and feeling as though you are in a nightmare that you can't seem to wake up from. If I can help in any way please don't hesitate. I think we could help eachother out. If you would like to talk, please let me know. My heart goes out to you and you husband, and yes he is still with you.( I still find pennies that I know my husband left for me. Found one today actually, always when I need them the most. He still lets me know he is there)

Hi, my mum died 10 years ago, of old age (80) and i still miss her very second, though i had her around all my life (i was 52 at the time)..i still feel so dreadful and so very guilty for all the times i was rude or didn't talk to her, or didn't spend more time with her, and we were so close until the day she died...and so on...so I can only say your experience must be ten times worse..you will live with this all your life, but listen to all the good people here and you'll find it easier as time goes on...not better, but easier !!! just keep coming back to experience what other people are having and what kind words they say to you...it does help in ways not imaginable yet !! wishing you all the best...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is everyday and I hope it gets easier as time goes on. Would love to talk with you someone, I never met anyone that is young and has gone through the same situation as I. I hope you are doing well and will keep you in my thoughts, Hope to hear from you Ashley

Well things are getting a little easier with time. I occasionally feel him near me and find things moved around the house. A few days ago I saw someone that looked like him but when I looked again he didn't. But, my friend that was with me at the time later asked me if I saw him because she saw him too. Death is a strange thing that no one living will ever understand, but I take comfort in knowing he must've really loved me to be sticking around for me.

I read your story, and was deeply moved am a widow also, would like to invite you to another resource group, called for widows only, can join there, also there is a young widows support group online as well for helping what you are dealing with..life had not been fair to you at all, and you

need lots of love, support and encourgement, his family except for his dad are reacting to their grief and taking it out on you, not easy to handle, especially under your circumstances. Griefshare.com

has daily emails to help, stephens ministries .com has 4 booklets for the first year for 10 dollars,

between God and grief by liv eib is a good book, and go to your local library to see if they have more to help okay...hugs.

Hi, Jen I'm new here just today...I'm a widow and what coincedence my late husband died 5 of nov. 2009 as well. He died of cerebral aneurysm a sudden death. We been blessed to be together for 12 years...last 15 oct was our wedding anniversary. I knew how you feel because thats how I'm feeling now...can't stop crying and wanted to stop this pain inside my heart...but I don't know how... the only person who could help me was my husband...but his gone. Time I wish I'm dead as well but we have an eleven year old son. I don't have support here because all my families are in another country. I'm a foriegner in this country but manage to become a citizen recently before my husband death. My whole life is shattered...sometimes I don't want to get out from bed. I go to bed crying and wake up crying...During my husband early death I was rush to emergency for difficulty of breathing. My husband was my soul mate, lover, best friend and my life.

I don't know how to live without him...in spite of my being a nurse. I could not even face work because we work on the same place and my husband was very much like by our colleaugue...to go back to work will only hurt me more thru his memories.Her was very like at work and popular. I don't know what to do I'm shattered. I wish I died when him but feel so sory for our son.

oh sweetie, I totally feel your pain. My partner of 20 yrs died 2 months ago from a stroke. I had to make the decision whether to keep him alive on machines in a nursing home, prolonging his death maybe 6 months, or make him comfortable and let him go. I had a very long talk with God and decided not to put him on machines. My John never wanted that, I knew that. I knew if we were supposed to continue on with our life then God would heel him. And if not, he would take him. John fought for a week then on Oct. 22nd, he took his final breath and went with God.

It is soo strange, I went to bed one night part of a couple and woke up the next day a widow. I hate being a widow! 40 year old women are NOT widows!

But we are, and younger, too. You look younger. I am so sorry for your pain. Don't push God away. Pull him in and he will carry you. He has me, I don't know how I get through each day but I do. I don't know when the pain will ease. I seem to be crying more these days. I definetly think counseling is neccessary and finding groups of like people. God bless you and hang in there, God will get you through. Much love :)

I am so sorry for your loss. I too am a widow.



My late husband, a physician, had a psychotic break. I witnessed it. He became VERY VIOLENT. Psychotic breaks are DANGEROUS. My late husband came VERY close to killing me...but instead he saved me, and killed himself.



It is a long, hard journey back from this kind of tragedy. But miraculously, your purpose shows up along that journey back from tragedy.



The widow of a psychotic homicidal /suicidal physician, became a psychoanalyst. Now I spot, diagnose and treat mental illness. Mental illness can become VERY VIOLENT.



Let us hope that, because of the timing of this tragedy, the Senate will include a mental healthcare component to the current healthcare legislation being debated.



My hope is that the TIMING of this tragedy will create an opportunity to increase access to mental health services, so that we can PREVENT tragedies like this from occurring in the future. The legislation would be in HONOR of those who lost their lives in this tragedy.



There is a lesson in every loss.

Hello,

I'm so sorry for your loss and all the pain and loneliness you must be experiencing. I've never posted a comment in here before but I wanted you to know that I thought it took a lot of courage to put yourself out there like that. Thank you for being so brave to do so.



Please don't ever give up hope...you will find that you will be better able to cope in time. And some day you will actually crack a little smile again! Remember that your children truly need you. I can only imagine how sad and confused they must be right now.



Counseling for the children and you seems like a really good idea. A "must" really! Once you find one that you click with, you'll have another outlet for some of your thoughts and feelings. And don't be afraid to visit with 2 or 3 or 4 therapists until you find someone that you really like. Please try it!!! And also plug these phone numbers into your cell phone just in case. (800) 784-2433 and (800) 273-8255. They are phone #'s for suicide prevention hotlines. But please Jenn--promise me you'll never ever seriously consider doing something like that. Ok???



Regarding the in-laws. I'm sure it's hard but try to remember they are just the in-laws. :) I think all in-laws stay a bit too possesive of their child. Try not to take it too personally.



Please hang in there and do know that there are complete strangers out there in the world that do care (like me!).



Sincere condolences,

"GoSyncro"

so sorry to hear about this I'm glad your father in law still supports your dissisions

Hello jen how are u I'm jay or buddha and I'm new here I read your story and I have to say I feel u I to have had a loved one pass in a way which is not fair even if I was not married to them but I was close and if u would like to talk with me and maybe we can become friends more I hope that would be great I would like to listen and be there for you if u would like you can add me on msn or yahoo messenger I hope to hear from you and god bless you

I am sorry for your loss also. Know that you can come here anytime and people will be willing to lend an ear. I also suggest counselling and/or support groups. And try to remember that his parents are grieving also, it does not make things right on how they are treating you, but, unfortunately that's how they are. God bless you an dthe children.

God is always watching over you. Life is full of challenges and also full of joy. Focus on the joyeous aspects of your life. Your children need a strong mother. Many husbands die, most without mourning and prayer from the nation and world. This alone should be a huge comfort. There is no time for lonliness and self pity. Wrap your world around your children and make a new relationship with God. The inlaws that treat you that way should be ashamed of themselves. All that matters now are you and the kids. A hug from me to you.

My heart goes out to you. God bless you.

Jen, everyone reacts to a tragedy in different ways.. Maybe they are thinking it's doing some sort of god with the interviews.. I have lost a very good friend in a car wreck.. I was driving and felt I had Killed my best friend. I lashed out at God, and wondered why he ha takne her instead of me. I had a better situation than she had, and her kids needed her more than mine needd me.. I had it all figured out, and just couldn't figure out why GOD had messed up. :) I have since asked for forgiveness, and I am sure he has forgiven me, but I don't think to this day, I have forgiven myself. Since that day, I have lost a granddaughter, and a few years ago, lost my own son.. They are not my soul mate, like yours, but I do know that pain you are having to face now.. and this is one of the worst pains you will have to face in your whole life.. But It CAN BE DONE. Not easy I know, but Girl, if I can do it, and you are a good military wife.. you will do it for him...Bad things Do happen to good people, but that which doesn' kill us makes us stronger. I am not sure what "stage" or phase you are at right now, but whatever you are feeling is normal.. even the feeling of "not normal".. You will also experience anger at him for leaving you behind.Normal, just let it rip...get it out of you , then like everyone is saying , remember all the good times.. They will become very treasured to you over the next few years.. and slowly get started to building a new life.. just give it some time.. If you want to chat , my name is chatterly .. :) or if you want to "let it "rip", I am here for that too.