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Will I Ever Feel Good Again?

My husband, who was my high school sweetheart, died three years ago after battling a brain tumor. I have never been the same since. We have two children who are ages 9 and 8 and I still want to crawl into a hole because I feel like I have nothing anymore. Yes I have my children, but that is not enough. I just want to die.
Jaymom Jaymom 31-35, F 45 Responses Nov 4, 2007

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I have recently lost my husband of 20 years. I miss him more than words can say. We did everything together. I go home now to an empty house and wonder what is next? the constant crying is unbearable everywhere I turn I just miss him so much.

Hi I understand, I started to write something every time I think about him. It helps at first I could only write a few words. Today it\'s a sentence plus one word. Hang in there and all I can say is take it sec by sec min by min hour by hour day by day

my husband also had brain cancer he died on 02/07.2013 and i know just how you feel i have lost my soul mate i lost my mom 6 months to the day i lost my husband so i feel like i have lost everything good in my life i talk to him all the time. i just want to hold him again

I see that some time has past since this writing. I do hope that your thoughts have changed. You have sooo much to live for. Be encouraged.

BW

there is no pain on earth i suppose other than losing a child i guess hurts more my husband died sept 22nd 2004 i still grieve i feel some time my life has no meaning dont want to get up in the morning i let my insurance laps on our house it burnt down now i have nothing all those memories god devistating brought it all back dont knw how ill make it

Breathe and take one day at a time. Just do not give up.

I know....

No you do not want to die. You will not be able to understand since my kids are 28 and 31, but I do feel your pain with young children. I lost my father very young......... Life is so complicated and I wish I could give you a hug to keep you focused. I am only 14 months of my loss, I cannot imagine you are still in pain. I wish you so much more. Wish I could be your friend and help you.

Your husband would not want you to even think that way . You have two beautiful children that he left you the honor of taking care of . Hold your head up high you were loved .

I just lost my husband of 43 years in May. I am devastated. I don't know how I can go on without him. Life is just so sad. I am 65 so I don't even imagine that there is any future to look forward too. Just life without my best friend, which is pretty close to unbearable. Please try to take care of your children and live for them. They still have so much ahead of them, and they need you.

where are you from. I need a friend. I think 30 yrs is painful, cannot imagine.

I consider my life over when my husbad of 43 years passed away two years ago. I started writing a journal of my new life events to recall all I did. I called my recovery my 2nd life. It was a dating frenzy for a year, something I never did because I was married at age 18. I am now in my third life as I met my current boyfriend and we will take vows under God eyes, not legally soon. I am a different person in some ways than I was when I lost my spouse. There was a book called Passages that described many life stages. Life evolves and I evolved differently than I ever dreamed. I fould someone in many ways alike and many ways quite opposite from my husband. It hurts to look backwards to recall my first life and I try to avoid doing much of that.

Update to my life 1 1/2 yrs later. I find time makes the hurt more distant. I still get tears when I have to listen or relate to a moment of our life in the past. It hurts but I can recover easier. My bf and I split a month ago and the loneliness got overwhelming, it seemed so final. I realized that while I could never bring back my husband, I could reconnect with my bf. We have a better understanding of sharing our lives together and will try harder to move together as a couple. I know that someday my life will end and I need to be as happy as possible until then.

I have not lost anyone to death..but I feel that it is me....I am a good hearted person who met someone that is a metal abuser....I can't beleive that I have put myself into this postion and I just can't get out. The way that they control your mind is incrediable. I miss me and what I was. My kids hate him and so do I. I want a miracle to happen...I want to not be dead but alive for there is so much that I want to do.........C

I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer May 19, 2010. We would have been married 36 years. I just feel like I just don't care anymore. I have 2 children and 1 grandchild but they also have their lives. Their very good but it doesn't fill the hurt and loneliness i feel all the time. I am back n school and thought that would help but there is still that ache in my heart.

I read your story and would like to say I'm sorry for your loss of a loved one. I am widowed too. Some days I feel the same but I go on just for my children. I have to dig way down to get the strength to put on a positive outlook on things just for them.So even if you don't think you can go on, your children need you more than ever. I use the quite alone time to reflect on my feelings. There are good people on EP that you can talk to. It seems to make it easier for me. Take care and remember, your children needs you.

Tim

I understand your pain, feeling like you don't want to go on without him. I have been there many, many days. But please don't give up. I don't have children like you and the other ladies here that commented. So I don't know that experience. I think what everyone said about making a decision to change your life is really good advice. But it will only happen when you feel strong enough. I sympathize with you because I go though the same thing. Just don't take anything in life for granted. I know it is difficult. The best of luck to you. I hope you find your way soon.

Hi There,

I read your story and understand how you feel.

That is exactly how I am feeling right now.

I got married at a tender age of 20 and my husband 23. We actually grew up together becoming man and woman and I know him like I know myself.

Loving someone truly for what he/she is and not for whom he/she may be takes a long time. You get to except him/her the way he/she overlooked his/her disadvantages.

I spent six remarkable years with my husband until he was taken away from me unexpectedly on 07/12/10 leaving me and our three year old son behind.

And it aches everyday, cos I have planned my whole life with him. He was my rock, my shelter, my comforter and my lover. He actually meant the whole world to me.

And now I feel it is just a waste of time to start another relationship cos it takes a lot of time and effort to come to really love and know someone like you know yourself and to start all over again I feel is just a waste.

But than I always keep the good memories alive and just looking at his son grow and love me in return reminds me that his love for us still remains and will forever linger.



xox PED xox 12/01/11

Hi There,

I read your story and understand how you feel.

That is exactly how I am feeling right now.

I got married at a tender age of 20 and my husband 23. We actually grew up together becoming man and woman and I know him like I know myself.

Loving someone truly for what he/she is and not for whom he/she may be takes a long time. You get to except him/her the way he/she overlooked his/her disadvantages.

I spent six remarkable years with my husband until he was taken away from me unexpectedly on 07/12/10 leaving me and our three year old son behind.

And it aches everyday, cos I have planned my whole life with him. He was my rock, my shelter, my comforter and my lover. He actually meant the whole world to me.

And now I feel it is just a waste of time to start another relationship cos it takes a lot of time and effort to come to really love and know someone like you know yourself and to start all over again I feel is just a waste.

But than I always keep the good memories alive and just looking at his son grow and love me in return reminds me that his love for us still remains and will forever linger.



xox PED xox 12/01/11

The love of my life died on 13th August this year from cancer, he was nearly 84 years old but before the cancer struck he was fit and healthy. I loved him from a few months after we met in 1971, he was 44 and me 16 and everyone was against us. We were always there for each other and I could never look at another man because I KNEW that one day we would have a life together. 24 years ago we bought our house and spent the happiest years of my life. I have no children just 2 cats who we both love so much. Ken is everywhere I look in the house, everywhere I go everything I think about. I know this is because he is always with me, always in my heart. I cannot describe how I feel, I feel so alone and so unhappy. Every day is such an effort, as others have said I appear ok to everyone but inside I am always crying. When I am alone sometimes I cry and sometimes I feel to awful and too exhausted to cry. I cry out for him to come back to me but I know he never can. I can't believe that our life together is ov er although I DO know that it is. I KNOW i will never feel the same way again about anything, I will never be the same person, the light has gone out of my life and won't come back. Only one who has loved and lost that love as I have can ever understand how terrible it is. It is a comfort to know that there are so many others out there who are suffering in the same way as myself, although I know everyone feels the pain differently. I hurt all over all the time, my heart actually aches with wanting to touch him to hold him and to talk with him. I pray to god that one day I will be with him again in some way. I pray there must be more time with the man Iove so much.

The love of my life died on 13th August this year from cancer, he was nearly 84 years old but before the cancer struck he was fit and healthy. I loved him from a few months after we met in 1971, he was 44 and me 16 and everyone was against us. We were always there for each other and I could never look at another man because I KNEW that one day we would have a life together. 24 years ago we bought our house and spent the happiest years of my life. I have no children just 2 cats who we both love so much. Ken is everywhere I look in the house, everywhere I go everything I think about. I know this is because he is always with me, always in my heart. I cannot describe how I feel, I feel so alone and so unhappy. Every day is such an effort, as others have said I appear ok to everyone but inside I am always crying. When I am alone sometimes I cry and sometimes I feel to awful and too exhausted to cry. I cry out for him to come back to me but I know he never can. I can't believe that our life together is ov er although I DO know that it is. I KNOW i will never feel the same way again about anything, I will never be the same person, the light has gone out of my life and won't come back. Only one who has loved and lost that love as I have can ever understand how terrible it is. It is a comfort to know that there are so many others out there who are suffering in the same way as myself, although I know everyone feels the pain differently. I hurt all over all the time, my heart actually aches with wanting to touch him to hold him and to talk with him. I pray to god that one day I will be with him again in some way. I pray there must be more time with the man Iove so much.

I lost my husband eight years ago now. And its true the pain never goes away completely but it does get easier. He was my first love and we had been reunited for just over four years when he passed away suddenly after being apart for over twenty seven years. I'm so glad we had at least a little time together before he died. I am now remarried to another wondeful man. But I still think about that first love often. My husband used to be jealous of the one who died because of our strong love for each other. But now says he is glad I had someone like him in my life to love and love me back. Best Maria.

Well, you can't die because you have children that are relying on you for just the basics. I'm so very sorry that your love was taken from you, I truly am. You and I have both lost our love, our children's fathers; but never will it be taken for granted that you have a wonderful future just as I do with our kids. I can't tell you why our men are gone but, I can tell you that we are here and with thier children too, so we must ask God for strength daily and go to therapy and cry and sometimes scream or break something. But, never should we entertain the thought of dying. Where would our precious children be then? Please talk with someone who can help you through this. I've been crying for 10 years already and my thoughts will never entertain that I too should be gone. I would hate to think of what would happen to my child. Please write back, maybe we can work this out together. My son is now 16 he lost his Daddy when he was 6. He's doing much better than I am honestly, but that's how children are, resiliant. But, because we are left to be both Mother and Father and take care of the house, the kids, the bills, the this, the that we stress out. That is why we need an outlet, and this I feel is an appropriate outlet to start with. But, professional help will have to be taken into serious consideration. Please keep talking about this, together we can help eachother. I'm so sorry for your pain. Please know that I will pray for you.

I feel your pain too. I lost my husband of 8 yrs almost a year ago. We have a 6 yr old. My heart hurts and I cry everyday. My husband died suddenly from complications with his heart. I didnt even know he had any health problems. It is very difficult to go on. Since he died, secrets have been revealed and I am an outcast to his family. I basically have no support as people dont understand my pain......They make comments about him like- mean people dont live long etc. Nobodys perfect.......I still love him. I talk to him sometimes in hopes that he can hear me. I tell him that I love him very much and I thank him for being my husband. I also forgive him for other things. I let him know that I must find a way to be happy and move on and still hold the love in my heart for him. I will always carry him with me. Sometimes I give my son a kiss or hug from daddy. I remind him how how much dad loves him and he is watching over us from a different place now. Everyday is a challenge and I am very sad. I cry in the car and at night most times. I know that I must find joy in life again and thank God for bringing him into my life for as long as I had him. I still wear my wedding ring. I still dream of him sometimes. I will continue to grieve as long as my heart hurts but I have to find happiness again. I dont want to stay in a place of sadness and sorrow. Even though I am there now, I look forward to the day that I can smile again........until we meet again.

Trust in God to help you through. Your babies need you and you deserve to be happy. Make a decision to be happy again despite your pain and hopefully the clouds will start to clear. Maybe we can all focus on helping others and that may lesson our sorrow. This is not an easy road but we have to get through this. Together we can do it. May God bless and comfort all the widows/widowers out there. Lots of love and hugs to you.

It is a strange feeling to take off the engagement and wedding rings. When I removed mine it became a visible reminder that I was alone, unloved, cold and never to be the same as I was. My empty finger was a worldly symbol of loneliness, a step I had to take if I were to ever move forward. It allowed me to try to live a new different life. Life changes and I accept the change till we meet again.

You best bet will be to TALK to someone, and I know how hard that is, your friends and people around you are living their own lives and they don't even want to THINK about losing their spouse so they wont want to talk to you about that.



Theres really only one person I can talk to in my life and that is a woman I'm fairly close with at work who's husband died 4 years ago and she also has herself and the kids to support. I'm a young guy, 31, and my wife died 4 years ago at the age of 25(having cancer on and off since 19) so no kids for me.





I don't know what you believe but the bottom line is you should think.. " Would my husband WANT me to be like this? to do this?" you already know the answer when you ask that question, use it as your guide.





As for feeling good again, you will always have scars from this , but you can move on and find as much happiness as possible, thats YOUR decision though.

I too feel your pain. I too lost my husband of 21 years suddenly July 30. We met and dated in Junior High then circumstances brought us apart. But in 1988 we found our way back and in 1989 we married. I was the happiest person in the world. He also was my best friend, soul mate, partner in crime, lover. Half of me is gone forever. I too feel like I can't go on without him. I have no children but 2 small adorable yorkies. Sometimes I feel like if it wasn't for them I honestly dont know what I would do. Everyone tells us we will heal in time. The trouble is you seem to only think of all the good times and that just seems to make you cry more. I pray for you that you can get through this as I pray I can get through. My heart goes out to all of you who has lost someone dear. Lots of Hugs for everyone.

Dear One

Thats about journey of life. I lsot my Mom when just 3 months, at the same time dad moved away laeving me alone with maternal granny and then when I was just 15 she left for heavenly abode. But that gave me different strength, Today I am a writer, a teacher helping hundreds like me to educate. Search a purpose, bodies die not the souls they are still with us feel them on astral plane. Every moment of Life has purpose. Ask God what purpose He has send you on earth. Live with those cherished memories not sorrows. May God bless you.

I have never lost a husband. A girlfriend of mind just lost her husband unexpectedly. I need to tell you what I told her...just take one minute by minute, then those minutes become days, then weeks, then months, etc and live each to the fullest....it will get better with time...promise. It may take one two or three years. Grief is different for everybody. But believe that it will hurt less as time goes on. That is not to say that it will never cause you sadness or sorrow...it will..but it will loose its intensity with time. Take care all of you who are grieving.

My feelings are your feelings. My husband passed away unexpectedly on 21 June 2009. He was 54, going strong and healthy, enjoying every aspect of his life. We had been together for 27 years. We were so close. He was my husband, lover, best friend and soul mate. He used to tell me to enjoy my life to the fullest until my time comes even after he was gone first, but I can't enjoy life without him. Everything is numb, void and meaningless. Kids - 20yrs old son and 17yrs old daughter - are trying to be strong and going back to normal life, but struggling with roller coaster emotions and just enormous sadness and anger. It's also so painful to watch them suffer like that. So unfair. I am so scared that this endless darkness will never end. I loved him so much and I miss being with him.

My husband died June 20th 2009. We have a 2 year old and a 3 year old. He was my soul mate best friend and team mate. I hate going thorugh life without him, if it weren't for my girls, i would have followed him gladly. Every second of every day hurts, i feel your pain. I can't find pleasure in anything, i just can't wait the rest of my life to see him again. I miss him so much.

I so not know how you feel because I have never been married, but just trust in God because he will see you and your children. Maybe if you move on there might be another wonderful man out there for you and your kids. There is such a thing called a miracle! God does work wonders!

I so not know how you feel because I have never been married, but just trust in God because he will see you and your children. Maybe if you move on there might be another wonderful man out there for you and your kids. There is such a thing called a miracle! God does work wonders!

I feel the same way. I'm functioning but feel very resentful of just about everything and everybody. Agood friend of mine just had it happen to her and Iwill try to be there for her.

I am very ill, and I don't know how long my life will go on but my biggest wish to my husband is that he is not sad when I die and I would wish, that he will find another women when I am gone. I am sure that your husband feels/felt the same. He want's to see you happy and I am sure that for him it is very sad seeing you like this (I mean in his world). Try to make a new beginning, he stands behind you and I am sure he wispers into your ear that you should go on and try to be happy again. You are not alone.