Should Have Looked Here Sooner...

Hi,

I lost my wife to cancer in June last year - 8 months on and I'm still fighting in some way each day. I loved her more than I can describe, we couldn't believe we'd found each other when we met, and were so happy. We had a wonderful life together, and then the nightmare started. I'm 38 and bringing up our two children (aged 3 and 7) mostly on my own, although my parents are near and help. The evenings are so lonely, I'm sure many people relate to that.

Andy.

tjrin tjrin
36-40, M
4 Responses Feb 21, 2010

hi Andy, my heart goes out to you and your children, L ost my soulmate 3yrs ago in a work accident when my children were 2 & 4, I won't lie to you and tell you it will get better cause I not sure I believe it myself. I will tell you that now when I think of him I can (most of the time) do it with a laugh or a smile on my face. I soo understand the lonliness at night, I never understood the saying that silence is deafening until this happened to us, the night are sometimes never ending and you just wander aimlessly around the house I would sometimes be tempted to go and wake the kids just to have some noise.<br />
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I also know how hard and scary it is to know that you are totally responsible for bringing up these two little people, we will make mistakes but I believe our loved ones are still with us and are watching over our kids. There are no magic answers for what we are going through all I can suggest is to take things moment by moment don't be too hard on yourself and lean on those around you that love you.<br />
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Pleas don't do what I did and keep it all inside, don't let anyone tell you that you have to be strong for the kids, because you are just by getting up to them everyday. I took all that be strong for the kids stuff on board and bottled up everything I was feeling then wound up falling apart I bottled the grief and the road to healing took so much longer to begin. Read some of my stuff and know you are not alone and all that you fear is so very normal, that feeling of loosing your mind is so very normal. This is a long nightmare of a journey we are on, but we are not alone, I feel him with me sometimes and I know there are others going through the same thing I am.<br />
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Pleas if you need to talk to someone who understands feel free to PM me anytime, I won't pretend to have the answers but I will understand what it's like with young children to cope with on top of everything else. ((((((((((((((((hugs to you and your kids))))))))))))))) from me and my kids.

Yes. The evenings are lonely. Life is lonely. It will never be the same. And it is so hard to face this. I know. You are lonely but not alone.

Andy,<br />
I sit here, wanting to say something that will ease your pain. But I discover that I have no words that can do that. All I can do is say that I am sorry for your loss and will be praying for you.<br />
stemple

Hi Andy,<br />
<br />
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you sincerely.<br />
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Your feelings for your wife sound very similar to my feelings for my Husband. It's been over 5 years for me and I still need him more every second of every day. <br />
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You are a lot younger that we are, with two younger children. They will be a lot of comfort and frustration for you, but they will also bee you lifeline. I know our 3 Children are, even though they are in their 30's. Now there are 2 Grandchildren and one on the way and they are my life right now. I'm glad to hear that your parents are close and help you with your small Children. I'm sure you appreciate them very much, right now.<br />
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I know the nights are so lonely and most of the time, so are the days. I'm so totally lost without my precious Husband of 34 years, that I honestly don't know what to do or what life is about any longer. His Doctor deliberately killed him by draining his lung too fast. It was horrible.<br />
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If you need to talk to someone, anytime, please feel free to write to me. <br />
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I wish you the best of everything and much comfort for your pain.<br />
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Angel Blessings,<br />
<br />
Linda