I Am Also A Widow And It Hurts And It Is Lonely And I Miss My Husband My Brestfriend< My Life

On February 5th 2010 I was leaving for work, but notice my husband, he is only 44 was snoring louder and at longer intervals, he had been seeing a new doctor for a few months and she had him on 5 new prescortions for high blood pressure, something to calm him and I gave it all to the coroner so I do not know what all if the meds were.  When I drove up to my house, I noticed the trash cans were wtill out front, very unusal, I came running up the stairs in to the house and he was laying with his feet still tucked into the covers on the bed and his head was on the floor on a pillow, I ran grabbed the phone, ran outside screaming at the top of my lungs that my husband was dead. By the time they all start sahowing up I am in the worst panic attack, I did not want to leave his body, thank GOD I had Xanex, it cal,ed me enough to where they did not have to take me into the ER for a heart attack.  On his death certificate it says "[ending investigation".......I am SO SCARED that they are going to tell me if I would I woke him all the way up, got him coffee, something, called in sick to work , that maybe I could have daved his life.  I HATE GOING OUTSIDE my house, I just want to stay in bed and cry....I have to learn how to live without him and I really and trully do not know if I can do that.  Now the bank wants my car, he had the cars under his credit and I hve the hosue under mine, now WELLS FARGO that finances my car wants it either paid off or dropped off at any Wells Fargo....ARE THEY CRAZY, it is my car, I mkae the payments, we live in California and always tought it did not matter as long as we were married we would be okay.  ALWAYS REMEMBER TO TELL YOUR LOVED ONE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM, for TOMORROW may never come.

 

Thanks for listening,

Shelly

shellyc1960 shellyc1960
46-50, F
2 Responses Mar 5, 2010

I am very sorry. You are in my prayers.

Dear Shelly, I am so sorry to hear about your husband's death. Never think of the "What ifs" this will only add to your grief. Just believe that his mission on earth was accomplished and he was headed for his reward. Get up arise and thank God for your life. You can keep his memory alive but living your life to the fullest. He I am sure wants it that way. Bless you and you will be in my prayers.