I Have Become A Wittol


Quick Background: My wife S, at 51 is a very sexual woman. She is a blond haired, brown eyed former beauty queen and model and is stunning woman by any standards even today. She is blessed with an amazing physical appearance and looks to be a woman in her late 30's.  She is the woman men lust after and women are jealous of.

When we first married many years ago her sex drive was astounding. She approached sex from a man's perspective I think...if it feels good why not? However, the forces called children and a career took their toll. No complaint on my part as our sex life has always been satisfying it just wasn't what it once was. That's the way it had been until very recently. She has retired and the change has been amazing! It is though she has been freed of the bonds and rules of her profession.

Over the years we have discussed her having lovers, something she did in her first marriage with regularity. Her 1st husband was a cuckold many times over to be sure. As I said above she embraced the "male" attitude of having as many varied experiences as she could and being a woman it was much easier for her to obtain than we men...after all she was the one who said yes or no. There was very little she has not done sexually with men or women.

We had discussed her adventures over the years and she hid nothing of her past from me. I found it to be highly erotic in a most sexual way and her stories were fuel for many a late night fantasy and it became integrated into our love making fantasy play over the course of many years.

Anyway...in the last 2 months S has taken a lover with my full knowledge. He is 13 years my junior, does not know that I know and lives close enough to be available to her yet far away enough we will not be running into him. She is controlling the "affair" to be sure and he knows that she will pop in and out of his life and this is not an every week thing. She has found him to be comfortable and in doing so has returned to what she once was sexually. She enjoys as she chooses.

Since this has begun she has spent the night with him several times (I am a night shift worker) and has stayed at his home too. Recently we traveled to the area he lives in on business. She left me at the hotel and spent a few hours in his bed before returning to me. This week she spent an evening with him enjoying dinner and spending the night in a luxury hotel suite. I watched her prepare to leave and experienced the angst as she kissed me, told me she loved me and then left.  She has been very open & up front with the "plans" they have made for future get togethers that may or may not happen.

She has been candid and honest about what she is doing and we have discussed it from many angles and the things she and I both feel at length. Repeat: At length...There have been some rocky spots to be sure but we worked through them. She has made it perfectly clear that if her relationship becomes to much I have the ultimate "NO MORE" button I can push.

Since this has begun our sex life has exploded. I am wonderfully exhausted. She appears to have been released from the imposed "morality" that held her back and she is again what I knew and fell in love with & I do not believe she is trying to compensate me for her activites with him.

I am posting here because I can  do so freely without worrying about my friends or relatives wondering what the hell is wrong with me or us... God knows,  my wife having an open sexual affair with another man is not something I can discuss at work...lol. Partially because half my friends would love to have an the same opportunity if they could.

 I realize many would never accept nor understand this in a marriage as it is contrary to everything marriage allegedly stands for according to conventional society. I remain at home ( or work) while she enjoys. I am fine with this. There is no emotional bond when she sees him it is physical. Her emotions are mine. With out going into a long drawn out thesis on why this is working for us, it just is. I am happy for her and for us.

I am a Wittol.

Update: As of October 2011 her affair has been going on for over a year. There have been ups & downs to be sure. She has gone from spending an occasional night with him to spending weekends away. We have worked through the highs and the lows because in this type of relationship there will always be those...  In the process she has become even more confident in the depth of our relationship.

She is also in the beginnings of a budding relationship with a man 20 years her junior. She is being pursued by him and is greatly enjoying the attention. Nothing sexual as of yet but it is headed in that direction to be sure. Whether it goes there or not remains to be seen. There is also a 3rd male in the shadows that is a possibility. Our relationship has not suffered although I now have a full understanding of the word jealousy. She once told me to be careful what I wish for...there is an occasional truth to that...

I remain a Wittol.

SoCalhubby SoCalhubby
51-55, M
5 Responses Jul 29, 2010

Great write up, my wife always says if you love someone set them free.
You are lucky to have each other, and obviously one of the few people intelligent enough to know the difference between a cuckold and a wittol.
Thanks for sharing from a fellow wittol.

I am very familiar with the roller coaster of emotions and lust that you are experiencing right now. I have been in almost the exact same situation with my wife in the past, and am envious that you are experiencing it right now. The intense lust that starts to develop while the wife is preparing to meet her lover is only exceeded by the overwhelming lust that comes with the knowledge that she is with him. For me it was like a drug, and when I started to experience withdrawal symptoms, (angst), I would try would try and “score” a new “fix” of lust, and encourage my wife to give “him” a call. I also understand your need to discuss your feelings, and share your wife’s naughty actions with other people. In the best-case scenario, we would be discussing this with other people that actually know our wives, but most of the time, this is unrealistic as you already stated. You picked the right place to discuss this, and I’m really glad you shared; my wife is the same age, and it brought back a lot of intense memories, and feelings to me. Please continue to share her adventures, and you feelings with us.

Nice insight. Now I am wondering if I am a wittol or a cuckold. Your arraignment sounds a lot like mine years ago.

Good for you, SoCalhubby!<br />
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I am glad that you and your wife have found a setup that works for you both. Mainstream society has such constrained views on what constitutes acceptable marital behavior -- I wish we could all be more open and public about what works for us!<br />
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Telling friends, family, and work colleagues that one's wife is having sex with another man RIGHT NOW should ideally be no more shocking than to say that she is playing golf with another man, or getting her hair cut.<br />
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I am sure that it's all a throwback to patriarchal "ownership" of a woman's vagina, based on the desire to ensure that a husband isn't forced to raise another man's offspring. With birth control and other options, that argument should be obsolete.<br />
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Maybe we should get some "I am a Wittol" T-shirts printed... :-)

:) Pleasing and wonderful to you! Just the way life should be.