Cuckold/wittol/bull Relationship

I've posted this in a few other groups related to the same or similar subjects. If you missed it, it's germane.

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I saw the word "wittol" used in an on-line story or news article
recently. The context in which it was used left little doubt as to its
intended meaning but I checked my desk top dictionary anyway. Pulling a
blank with a Webster's wanna be, I Googled it. What an education!

First off, I discovered it names my affliction of many years. Been
there, done that. Didn't know it had a name. It also nails down a common
pastime of a large number of very happy people in our world. Defined, it
loosely means husbands who enjoy letting other men **** their wives.

It seems that the word "cuckold", an old and well used term, has several
facets. Some nice, some not so much. Some forms are delightful, some
destructive.

The four kinds of cuckolds are: (1) Husbands of wives that have lovers
but know nothing of her actions. (2) Husbands who find out their wives
have lovers and hit the ceiling. (3) Husbands who tolerate their wives
dalliances for some reason but don't like it at all. (4) Husbands who
like, even promote, their wives being with other men sexually.

In the first type, as long as the conditions are stable, i.e., hubby
never finds out, all is well and good. This type may continue for all of
their married lives and never cause any problem. A sort of "Ignorance is
Bliss" or "What you don't know, can't hurt you" situation. I suspect this
type is way more common than any statistic on successful marriages will
ever reveal. Unfortunately, type (1) often suddenly becomes type (2) or
(3) with unhappy results.

The second type is the dangerous one. For the wife and/or her lover,
and anyone else within range. This cuckold type is not likely to have a
happy ending for either of the participants, the willing or the deceived.
Jealous rage by a wronged husband is not justification for mayhem in any
modern court of law. Divorce, alimony, child support and long prison
terms, are all just minor implications associated with this cuckold type.

I find the third type to be the saddest of all. The long suffering wimp
that knows what his wife, and the mother of his kids, is doing in her spare
time and just barely tolerates it. He doesn't like it, it offends his
manhood, he is humiliated in several ways, but he sticks with her. Their
wedding vows may not mean much to her but they do to him. It may be the
kids, it may be the mortgage, it may be his place in his social circle.
Regardless of reason, he watches her go out at night and takes her back
when she returns. The poor bastard may eventually either drink himself to
death or stick the shotgun in his mouth.

Then we come to the fourth type, the wittol. Here's the guy that likes,
no loves, that his wife is open and forthright enough in her sexuality to
indulge herself with other men. This is the guy that encourages his bride
to seek out other men or at least to eagerly accept the ones he brings to
her. A wittol is exactly the sort of husband that any self respecting man
on the prowl for ***** should be searching out and cultivating.

Let's call him a Bull. It's a well deserved moniker for the kind of guy
that most couples find most desirable when opening up the master bedroom
door to include another man. He's reasonably polished. He's physically
clean and capable. He's equipped and competent in the bedroom. And he's
respectful of the marriage bond between the couple. You can call him a
stud, a player. You may even call him your best friend. He's going to be
a very important part of your lives forever, if only in fond memories.

Any way you cut it, the Bull and the wittol are a team. One compliments
the other. Any Bull that goes into a cuckold (1), (2) or (3) scenario has
to watch his back. His welfare, perhaps his very survival, is always
hanging out there. One slip-up and the wet rumpled sheets could turn into
a chalk outline on a bedroom floor. But if he teams up with a wittol, he's
home free. Not only is most of his prep work done, the girl of his dreams
comes gift wrapped. She has a place to stay, paid for. She has a car,
paid for. She has a built in baby sitter if necessary. This lucky Bull
doesn't have to worry about alibis, hidden emails, or leaving hickeys in
nice places.

Every Bull worth his salt should seek out and foster wittols. They are
his gateway to paradise. They will cover his back and his tracks, and pick
up the tab. All he has to do is treat their wives right. Take care of
them in the sack, let him watch once in a while, and maybe take a picture
or two to jerk off to later. He doesn't have to abuse the wittol if he
doesn't want it. He should respect him, buy him a birthday gift, laugh at
his jokes, appreciate what the wittol is giving him . He's the guy that's
setting the Bull up with some mighty fine *****. The wittol is the guy
that meets you at the door and hangs up your coat while his wife is
unzipping your pants.

So here we are. The wittol gets what he wants. The Bull gets what he
wants. And the wife, the center of our attention, gets twice what she
wants. She gets an adoring husband and provider and she also gets the
excitement of an outside love interest without any complication or
subterfuge. She probably won't tell her mother that she has found the
secret to wedded bliss but I wouldn't bet that she doesn't tell her
daughters. Secrets like this are too good to keep.

A few URLs for those that want to delve deeper into this
concept/lifestyle. I highly recommend it after over thirty years of
indulgence. You will never regret it. I guarantee, your wife will love
you for it forever.

http://cuckoldmarriage.info/ -- There is a lot to learn here for those
that are interested.
EP Link ... then look for the group
"I am a Wittol".
http://www.cuckold-forum.net/index.php -- the vids and photo gallery
may be of interest and the chat room draws a few like minded souls.
http://www.ourhotwives.org is another valuable resource for couples considering the lifestyle.   They have good, informative forums.  There's a friendly chat room.  Real wives can be verified and have their own forum there, too. 
deleted deleted
26-30
4 Responses Dec 5, 2012

The cuckold label has so many facets to it these days, and seems to be applied generically to all men who get a sexual thrill out of sharing their women. As you stated, the original historical definition of a cuckold was a man with an adulterous wife, who was having sex with other men without his knowledge. That certainly doesn't apply to how the term cuckold is generally used today. Having knowledge of the wife's extramarital exploits is of the utmost importance to today's cuckold. Wikipedia's definition says: "In modern English it generally refers to the sexual fetish in which a male gain sexual gratification from his partner's having sex with other males." I do think that in our circle, cuckold often has a "wimpy" connotation attached to it. If I go to a wife sharing chat room and a guy has a username such as "cuck Mike" that generally means that he is going to be closer to the wimpy side of the spectrum than a man with a username such as "she sucked boss". The problem we face is that we are all lumped together into one category, under the cuckold label. If we go to a cuckold website to read a story about a naughty wife that allows her husband to put her charms up as a bet in a game of darts, we also have to sort through stories about men wearing chastity devices under their pink panties, not that there's anything wrong with that it's just not what I'm into. An analogy that comes to mind is would be your average Joe wanting to watch some ****, but the gay videos and the straight videos are all put into the same category.... Sex.

I guess we need a new term or terms to describe our proclivity. Wittol is an proper term, but too outdated and doesn't roll off the tongue. "Wife sharing" is pretty innocuous, but then do you describe yourself as a wife-sharer? Too wordy and hard to say. Any suggestions for a new term? Maybe some subcategories to further define us? In gay lingo there is the "top", the" bottom", "Bears", "Queens" and so on. Does anybody else feel like me, and think that our type of lifestyle is catching on, and slowly becoming more popular and accepted as more people are exposed to it through the Internet? How about some new terms for the varied categories in our lifestyle. I think "Bull" is a great start. How about some other terms just as good!

I enjoyed your discourse. Words change meaning over time with usage (for example "handsome" once meant ugly). Given the fact that "cuckold" has a negative connotation, I'm all for adopting "wittol" for the fourth type. I would reserve "swinger" for the wife swapper -- for the man who is ******* the other wife while her husband ***** his wife. Still, one does not necessarily stay in one category all the time. I've moved between swinger, cuckold and wittol. At times I've even been the "Bull" although I don't like that term because of the connotation that the bull demeans the husband. My wife preferred to the other man who ****** her "a player" because she didn't like me calling him her lover. (Once when I referred to him as her lover, she said "he's not my lover". I replied teasingly, "what should I call him then? Your ******.")

Agreed. I\'ve falling into some surprising situations, but find myself more and more preferring the role of the wittol -- at least most of the time. Plus, it seems to be easier for an attractive woman to get laid than a man. If I am with another woman, I much prefer a married woman, whether or not her husband knows.

A fascinating taxonomy, but not supported by traditional usage in literature and law, I'm afraid. A "wittol" actually describes "type three" most commonly before the Restoration also used it to mock "type four," a person more commonly referred to as a "pimp." That word's usage has also shifted and is now mostly applied to people professional brothel keepers, but a few centuries back it was applied more generously to any man who was seen as encouraging or benefiting in any way from lascivious behavior by a woman in their power.

I think that "wittol" is still a fair and accurate description of your type three (and I'm pretty sure any usage maven would agree,) although I think it might also fairly be considered to stretch to you type 4 as a technical point.

But in terms of current common usage, your type four is generally referred to as a "cuckold" or, more circumspectly, as a "fetish cuckold" or "cuckold fetishist," a term that makes sense in the context of the masochistic play of this BDSM lifestyle. Cuckold fetishists get off on the idea of their wives or significant others choosing other men over them or refusing to reserve themselves for their spouse even as they themselves are faithful. This emotional and psychological masochism is what stimulates them.

If the guy doesn't get of on this aspect and just grooves on watching her, or on having his own freedom to sleep around, he isn't really a cuckold and I think even "witrtol" is misleading. He is more accurately a swinger or perhaps (depending on context) polyamorous.

Exactly. That makes me a wittol. I don't encourage it at all. It started before we married and I accepted it because I didn't want to lose her. I have never watched or even been there when it happened with one exception but it was dark and I couldn't see much. I did find it arousing rather than being angry. She will tell me about her adventures but only if I ask. She does tell me freely if we are making love.

That's all right by me if you want it that way, I've no ax to grind. But it doesn't tally with the OED or the most authoritative etymology and usage guides. Those say that:

1. Cuckold does indeed come from the cuckoo bird (through French) and goes back to the mid 13th century at least.

2. Wittol is a from meaning "witting" (meaning "in the know") cuckold.

3. Both were forms of derision in traditional, patriarchical, Augustinian Anglophone society, and "wittol" was worse because it while a cuckold was weak and deceived, and wittol was depraved and debauched.

Of course, that is all of historical interest only. What they mean today is how they are used today. Cuckold is used in the fetish world specially because of its connotation of reluctance and/or non-consent, a pose that is often essential to the fetish role-play. Outside subspace in the real world, they (we, since I am one) are obviously willing participants in the kink so more accurately wittols.

For me, that is why I can call myself a cuckold when I am on a pornographic website which is all about fantasy, but I use cuckold for EP, which values reality, candor, and authenticity.

By the way, there is a traditional term for the fourth type besides "pimp": Candualist after the ancient myth of King Candaules of Lydia who liked to show his naked wife off to other men. It is a term still used in psych literature.

What a fine, well written article! Thank you!!