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Not For Long!

I am actually on my way out.  My move out date is December 26th, yippee!  The sexlessness was just a symptom of our greater problems, but it was the one symptom that made me wake up and smell the coffee.  We have two beautiful boys that I want not to grow up thinking what my hubbie and i have is something to strive for.  I may not get the opportunity to model a loving marriage for them, but i've resolved to quit showing them what it's not.  They are 6 and 3, and although I've told myself for 6 years that staying was best for them, i've finally decided that may not be true.  Their father's one redeaming quality is his love for our boys.  Because I know he will work hard to maintain his relationship with them I believe that a divorce will actually be the best thing for all of us.  That's my story and i'm sticking to it!  Good luck to all of us, those who are able to stick with it and those who have to get out.  God loves every one of us.
texaschickie texaschickie 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2007

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I wish you the best! I think that when a marriage is sexless even though one of the partners wants sex, then just as is the case in your marriage, the sexlessness is simply the most obvious problem in a marriage. I certainly found that was the case with mine. My sexless marriage lacked all kinds of intimacy including emotional.

When relation fails, there are always two people, and there are big chances that a woman too, may create an invisible barrier around her, emotional blocks. And once this relation is over, you might put that emotional block on you again next time, so think about this, it is not just one-sided blame. I actually think it is nearly impossible, for a man who has young children to be "sexless", it must be something he was missing, and he was missing it from you. So, this same you might carry forward to your next relation. Observe.

I am happy for you and wish you the best. This is a hard decision to come for most of us. I hope you find a man who will give you the love and intimacy you deserve.

Come to me darling.

Sexless is one thing, but if there is no love and compassion, then it is time to hanh it up. My wife and I are no longer sexual with eachother all that much, but we still hold hands and take long walks together. The desire for sex does not occur as much as it use to. It is all in my mind now days, but I will always do whatever she ask me to do to please her because I love her that much. Marriage without love is a violent act waiting to happen.

Exactly, important is to be together and happy. If marriage is not based on friendship, it might break for many reasons.

well done girl

The 26th has come and went. Did it happen?

good luck with all that, congrats.

You are doing what you need to do, Hang in there, Will take a year or so to get things settled down but that will pass fast with happiness along the way

i agree with sexlessinTX.<br />
Do what is best for the family. If that means moving on, then do it.<br />
Unfortunately, marriage is a two way street. You both have to want the same things from the marriage. Some guys want a "mommie" with benefits. Which will soon turn to a sexless arrangement, or worst. Some guys want a family, others want companionship. <br />
I live in a sexless marriage, but not by my choice. She couldn't see sleeping with the father of her children anymore. ( a lot more to that obviously)<br />
My long winded point is, go for it if it is right, but don't expect the next relationship to end up any different in the long run. ( it will take a lot of work to make it work) You must change also, or at least change your choices in men (or women). I am not defending the husband, hell no! Since being on EP, I have seen the sexless marriage is very common, and is usually only a one sided decission. The man might withdraw affection, or the woman does. The women seem to know why, the Men haven't got a clue.<br />
Good luck and may God bless your family.

Good luck in your new life! I know it's hard to move on and try to build a new life with 2 kids.

letslaugh and the other ladies making a big decision the very best to you all. Getting happiness requires work and courage. If someone has the right reason for leaving they should leave.

This is to Marieange:<br />
Please do not allow what a man has taught you to be who you become. You are not unattractive. You have been made to feel that way after years of either abuse or neglect. Or both. So please, look in the mirror with new eyes, eyes that belong to YOU.I KNOW you are a beautiful person inside and out. Please write if you want a friend.

Ive been through it and lost so much, even any communication with my5kids. But im glad to be out of it. Really miss my times and love of the kids though.

I wish you all the love peace and happiness we all deserve. I admire your courage. I myself am so afraid of leaving.

Congratulations on making that move, I know it does take courage and I think it takes money!! But after being married 22 years, and thinking its best for my daughters, I think that reasoning has ran its course. I am ready, so ready to be on my own. I will keep you posted.......

Hi; been there,done that,got the T. Shirt and all that nonsense. I am far happier now than i was during Our marriage.[24 years]] .You will get you life together again of that i am sure. If you feel lonesome go out to a dance, socialise in some way and if that fails, come over to Belfast,N.Ireland .we can meet and socialise together[no innuendo meant] Ron;

We all deserved to be happy, loved and respected.. I have learned that in any relationships you need to be a bit selfish and only reciprocate the same when your partner returns the favor unconditionally. Well this is what I learned from my own experience...

I was wondering after reading the posts about getting out of a passionless relationship with children involved. I was lucky enough to grow up in an enviroment where my parents stuck together no matter what they were faced with. I took that with me into getting married and having 2 wonderful children. Everything to me became all about family. yes, I lost a connection with my wife,... kids, work, other pressures from within and outside the family seemed to take priority. My wife left looking for that passion ( took her less than 4 days to find it) and with it she left in her wake a complete disaster.. Her credit bills (spending seemed to be some form of compensating) but most importantly she has left 2 children totally delusional about their future. <br />
I personally believe Happieness comes from within and running away from a family will do nothing but harm, and yes like the last post suggested, you are not going to find that happiness in a new mate....you need to find it from within yourself...Am I wrong?

All you said is true, most people never want to break thier families, but some situations are really hard, they are more destructive when people who cannot cope insist on living together. I have a question for you, whoul you live in a sexless marriege? and if so how long do you think you can manage? especailly if your partner is a busive too.

This may not follow the common wisdom but should you choose to get married again the chance for a divorce increase from 50% to 75%. Based on those statistics this is your best chance. Divorce is the death of a unit .... if he is seeing someone then that must stop. If you are seeing someone the advice is the same ....

hi there, congratualtions. I too have left my marriage and i have a one year old child. I figured better now than when she is older.... I hope you have a happy life and fresh start. Im moving countries in february. It's scary and exciting but i want a fresh start and to be happy once again.....EBB

Congratulations! I just got out of a very similar situation in March. It hasn't all been easy but there is NO question that it was the right move. We will all be so much happier in the long run. I too want to model happy relationships for the sake of my daughter and I knew I wasn't doing that in my passionless marriage.<br />
<br />
Best of luck on your new journey!

funny you should mention that! i'm working on finding the fun place to go. NYE is my favorite holiday, always has been. it's the ultimate "fresh start." haven't found a party yet, but i'm working on it. someone invited me to take a trip to dallas, but a football game is part of their plans and i'd rather have a tooth pulled. besides, i just don't want to leave town for new year's. there's got to be something fun close by, i just haven't found it yet.

Darlin, it's in Atlanta.

Well done on having the strength to make a decision and not just struggle on in the hope things were going to get better!

I admire your courage, I am going into my 22nd year of feeling worthless and undisired, I wish I would of made changes long ago, I'm 47 now and extremely unattractive which I believe is a result of feeling unpretty for so many years. best wishes to you and your familly.

My dear you are still very young, you say you feel unpretty why?
I am quite sure there are many men who will find you attractive.Open up be yourself from what i can tell it surely could not get much worse at least in your eyes

we are in same baot , mine has been 15yrs, but it started on the honeymoon nite.. it living in hell. At 47 you still have a chance! get out and look, your beauty will come back. I refused to feel urgly like he told me. I know I am beautiful.