Fear And Loathing In The Bedroom

so I have been waking up with anxiety attacks every night. the first thing in my mind is that my husband is sexually anorexic and that he is never going to change. i have to take deep breaths and tell myself that one day i will leave, it takes about an hour before i can get back to sleep. i wake up tired, i can't seem to get going during the day and as soon as the sun goes down the only thing on my mind is beer. i take about 5 different pills a day to deal with my depression and anxiety, which i believe is totally situational. i have never had to take pills before, but I think having no sex for 7 months is finally doing me in. my husband is only too happy to see me gulping down the drugs. every pill i take it's like a potion of hatred. i think to myself "i wouldn't have to take these pills if it wasn't for this man". looking at him literally makes me want to vomit, and he is actually really good looking. its coming up to my bedtime now and i am actually terrified to go to bed, because of all the awful feelings i feel when i'm in there. as narcissistic as it may sound i'm having a really hard time believing that this is in fact happening to me. it's like a bad dream, someone please wake me up!
psychea psychea
31-35, F
10 Responses Jul 26, 2010

My heart goes out to you. As far as these folks go that are saying "just pull up your socks" and get on with it go........they have obviously never suffered from panic attacks. I have had a very similar response to my rejecting husband, panic attacks followed by a complete emotional breakdown due to the angst and trauma that all of this BS caused me. I too dreaded nighttime and the bedtime ritual as it had become so emotionally painful for me. I am planning to leave my situation as soon as I can make appropriate arrangements as I will not suffer anymore at the hands of this man who cares only for himself. I am going to liberate myself....I deserve it. I do hope you find your truth as well, when its time you will know.

I am seeing a lawyer Monday. I can't live this way anymore. I am scared about how the divorce will proceed and just want it to be done. I see no sense in discussing it with him outside of a lawyer because he never heard my needs in the marriage why should he now. I am having periods of overwhelming anxiety but am just living with it. I hope overtime they will just go away.

What does that mean when you say some of the posters are pills? I dont understand what means but would love to know

Some of these posters are pills!!!!!!!!!!!! and y'all know which ones u r too.

I have to agree with wisiwig on this one. We often believe our options to be constrained by societal and/or moral constraints. You may not need the drugs if you first:<br />
1. Quit blaming your husband for your condition. You are responsible for your own feelings.<br />
2. DO something to move the focus from what's missing in your marriage.<br />
<br />
Some say leave. If this seems a viable option to you -- do it. If not, remove all the societally-imposed boundaries and figure out what you can do to retain your sanity. I place the preservation of my children and myself above all other considerations (where my spouse removed himself, by emotionally abusive behavior, from my obligation of loyalty). I stayed for them. I strayed for me.<br />
<br />
Good luck to you.

It was eating me up inside - the rejection. So I did something about it. It hasn't sorted anything out but it has made me feel better about myself. Be pro active, don't wallow. Sort things out for yourself. You only have one life.

From your post it sounded as if you were on anti depressants because you hadn had sex for a couple of months

I'm so sorry you're going through this, psychea. I self medicated for years, before finally stopping myself. (a bottle of wine or more a day for like 4 years). I don't understand what is happening with our husbands. I've tried asking him, and he only blames himself.. but I'm like.. then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I totally don't understand any of it, and it's gotten to the point where I'm seriously starting to not give a you-know-what anymore!

I've been on the meds as well and sympathise with you. The rejection just eats away at your soul till you can't take it any longer. It's going on 14 years for me now! And the longest we've gone without ANY physical contact is 2 years and my H would be happy if it was forever!<br />
The disgust you feel when looking at him is natural. I took to sleeping on the couch. It helped not having him in the same bed - somehow that just made things worse!<br />
Have you talked to him about therapy of some sort?

i've been married for 9 years and struggling with a sexless marriage from pretty much day one, 7 months is the new record. i'd say i've been depressed for longer, i have started the meds 1 month a go because the frustration and sadness and pain just became too much. not sure what the point of these questions is though? are you questioning wether I'm depressed for other reasons then a miserable marriage? or wether 7 months is a reasonable time to not have sex when you are in a partnership?

You are suffering from depression due to not having had sex for only seven months? So how long have you been taking the pills because it sounds like you must have been taking them well before it got to the seven moth mark?