When I married I did so for better or worse, lately I've been feeling like damn the worse came so soon or is it?  My husband equates some timey sex as affection and really feels the little he gives is enough. He pays the bills and helps out in other areas for the family but doesn't understand that has nothing to do with the closeness affection adds to our marriage. Hell I was paying bills before I married him what I was lacking was someone to share in passionate intimacy with if I wanted to be lonely i could have stayed single, if I wanted to play with myself to satisfy myself while fantasizing about other men  I could have stayed with my ex at least him it was foreplay and I knew I was going to get it after wards. He has no imagination when it comes to sex romance or other types of  affection. I can barely get as hug from him unless I ask for it, he's not the best kisser but I tolerate it and still want it more often. Why do I have to ask someone who claims to love me like he loves himself just to hold me if I don't weeks will go by and he will not have held me once unless I practically beg him to. Instead of comforting me when needed he just sits there watching TV and every so often look my way with no emotion just looking at me like he stupid. We argue a lot because of this all the time, I'm so angry, frustrated, resentful towards him almost every conversation turns into an argument everything he says sets me off . He say us arguing so much and not getting along is why he acts the way he does but that's so far from the truth we argue because of how he acts before this issue we barley argued but I guess it makes him feel better to believe it's the other way around the he becomes the victim and I become the problem not him. Man sure have a way of twisting things in their favor I know the truth so I'm not worried about it my conscious is cleared but if he continues to ignore what he duties and roles are as a husband he is going have to answer and be accountable for whatever happens from here on in. There is so much more to this story I could go on all night but this is a briefing of my situation.
jcislove1 jcislove1
5 Responses Jul 26, 2010

Oh my gosh... Its like you are telling my story. My H is the same way. He is a great provider and father but SUCKS at being a husband. He never says anything nice or positive to me only sarcasm and smart *** remarks. He rarely holds or kisses me and sex is non existent. We have been together for 3 years but have been married for 4 months. In the last 4 months we have only had sex 2 times. I find myself being moody and angry all the time and when I am not angry I cry until I make myself sick. This is not the life I hoped for. I cant even talk to him about it because when I do I end up feeling like an *** and he turns it around on me or picks a fight and we dont talk for days. And the little affection and attention I get goes away completely. Its just not worth it to try to resolve it, so I suffer silently.

I know how you feel. It is very frustrating to say the least.

I have the exact same situation! My husband says that I am always "starting fights" when his behavior is what brings them convenient for these men to blame us love starved people for this BS. This to me is really the utlimate form of passive aggression in my book. These men just sit back and let us rip ourselves apart trying to win their favor.......only to be shot down over and over! How powerful they must feel to have us groveling for little snippets of their "love" It gags me to think that I have been reduced to such a level, I am so full of anger and resentment that there are days that I feel that I cannot stand another minute of this hokey marriage.....I am on my way out, its just a matter of time! Best of luck to you an whatever you choose to do!

If there are no kids to complicate the issue, then LEAVE. He's not willing to work on it and you will be wasting your life waiting for him.<br />
Don't feel ashamed for thinking of an affair. I'm also a Christian but, I've been pushed so far that I don't even feel guilty about thinking of an affair!<br />
He's blaming you and this is not a person you want to spend your life with.

thought of all 3 as a christian # 2 should never be an option, but I can't lie I've thought about it I had to repent for the thought several time I just couldn't help it the frustration just was so overwhelming. I talked to him about us both goin to therapy but he said you need it I don't. Leaving maybe the best option since he does't think he's behavior is a problem.

It amazes me how so many of us are in the same situation! My H has a similar definition of love. I take care of the bills and provide for you therefore, I love you. I will however, never touch you, never kiss you and if you force me to then, you can pleasure me sexually but, I will not reciprocate!!!!<br />
Why such guys choose to get married is beyond me. That said, we all come down to the 3 basic choices - <br />
1-Leave<br />
2-Stay and have an affair on the side or you could contemplate an open marriage<br />
3-Stay and figure out some coping mechanisms to get you through the day<br />
Turning the blame on us is a common tactic. What about therapy? Have you given it a go?