Man In A Sexless Marriage

I too am caught in that position, but mine is a bit strange.  My wife does love me.  she is very attractive, and I used to think really sexy. I'm considered to be good looking too, so on paper we have it all going.  I have tried to talk about it for years - and occasionally there will be a bust up and she will say she will try harder. It never lasts.  The funny thing is, I'm a giver, I want to give my wife as much pleasure as I can, but she prefers to pleasure herself, and if I do it to myself, she's happiest.  We haven't made love in years - though we have occasional teenage petting! However, I've lost all my self esteem now, and I have never been one to plead, and I have now decided that the best way is for me to take control and just not have any intimacy. While I lose out on soft petting, I gain control.  She, funnily enough is devastated, though I can never understand why. It may end our marriage overall, but I think i have to bring myself back into the picture and fulfill my needs.  I've never been one to engage anyone in anything that they don't want, but maybe I might meet a like-minded individual some day
cmsmyth cmsmyth
41-45
2 Responses Jul 27, 2010

More than the sex, it's an issue of control. She has lost her control over you and is 'devastated'. But, I'm sure it does wonders for your ego. I did this retaliation game and it was the best fun I had. Didn't help my marriage any but, I FELT GOOOOOD!!!! <br />
From your last few sentences, it sounds like you are on your way out of this marriage. YES, there are other women out there who would LOVE to be with a man who wants to give pleasure.<br />
As meerin said, you will find more people who have successfully left their marriages and gone on to have wonderful, sexually fulfilling lives in the 'I Live in a Sexless Marriage' group. Good luck.

It is very strange that they get really uncomfortable when the status quo is changed. If we're not begging for it, it really throws them off. You would think that us stopping contact would be what they want, but they seem to need us to be there, wanting the affection they will not give. <br />
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There is also an "I am a man in a sexless marriage group" and an "I live in a sexless marriage group" for either gender. You'll probably get a lot more responses in the second group. It seems to be where everyone is. I'm sorry you have to be here, but the group gives a lot of support.